


He's Everything.

by Medicine_heals



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Harry, Bottom Louis, Boyband, Break Up, Coming Out, Famous Harry, Famous Louis, Fluff, Forgiveness, Hate to Love, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Mistakes, Past and Present, Popstar Louis, Rockstar Harry, Smut, Top Harry, Top Louis, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-04 23:36:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 66,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14031339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medicine_heals/pseuds/Medicine_heals
Summary: When something becomes nothing to you, the nothing you pushed away has to learn to be something, then you realize, the something you called nothing has always mattered way more than anything. Suddenly you are hit with the truth. It's everything.Harry had to go of Louis. It's not as simple as it sounds. Far from it. Because he didn't just let him go. He chased him away without remorse or an ounce of humanity.Louis leaves. He had to.How and why it happened? It broke both of them in the worst way.Harry is a solo Singer. Louis is a boybander in a band with Liam and Zayn.How it became Something.Then Nothing.Then turned out be Everything.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Q. You can call me Q. Queue. Cue. Whatever.  
> This is a story that's been in my mind for sometime. I've written fics for other fandoms but this is my first Larry fic. And no you don't wanna read my other works. I've hidden them in the deepest darkest part of the internet. 
> 
> If you hate my work tell that to my face in the comments so I have an excuse to eat ice cream in bed. If you love it then say your thoughts in the comments so I have an excuse to eat ice cream in bed.
> 
> I wil post every Tuesday... hopefully.  
> It's my cue to leave.  
> Queue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I placed the Brit awards in January to suit my story. I have something planned for February. I'm sorry if it annoyed anyone.  
> I used the lyrics from “Stole my heart” by One Direction as per my very first beta’s request. It's cheesy as fuck but just see past that. 
> 
> The way I've potrayed the characters in this work of fanfiction is not how they're in real like. I'm a fan writing fiction using them as characters because I like invading their privacy. Haha sorry. Something I saw on Twitter.  
> Leave comments. Drag me if you see fit. Love you guys for taking time to read this. Means so much to me.

**_Present_ **

__   
_ Shot through the heart _ __   
_ And you're to blame _ __   
_ Darling, you give love a bad name _ __   
_ An angel's smile is what you sell _ __   
_ You promise me heaven, then put me through hell _ __   
_ Chains of love got a hold on me _ __   
_ When passion's a prison, you can't break free _ __   
__   
_ You're a loaded gun _ __   
_ There's nowhere to run _ __   
_ No one can save me _ __   
_ The damage is done _ __   
_ Shot through the heart _ __   
_ And you're to blame _ __   
_ You give love a bad name  _ __   
_   
_ **_(You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi)_ **

 

_ Empty _ . Empty is how he feels. All those months of self doubt, suspicion, betrayed, then anger. Blinding anger, because he was fooled. He was made to believe it was real and honest, built the trust slowly and strongly. The castle tumbled down, when he realized none of it were ever real. Everything that happened between them had always had an agenda. 

The castle that once stood strong and replenished is now in ruins. Turns out the foundation had faults. The building of love and trust to the outside world, even to him, had actually been built by slabs of lies. 

He's happy he'd been the one to take the hammer to the walls. He'd discovered every weakness in the castle that is their relationship and tested their strength. How they all fell apart like a house of cards.

Harry feels used. This feeling, feeling used, he's been feeling this for months, every waking hour. Praying and hoping that what he found out would be false.

How he'd loved with all the chips he had, he'd gone all out. Love is a gamble and he had taken a chance. You don't trust the opponent with everything in a gamble. But he had. He took one look at those eyes, those gorgeous eyes and decided to show his cards. All of them, his dreams, his fears, his secrets and his passion. Bared his soul to the devil, devil with a smirk ever present in his lips, eyes with their natural glint. 

_ Louis _ . That's what he was. The devil with the perfect face, the shining eyes shining with mischief, the curved lips showing a sliver of those sharp incisors. When he smiled he transformed into an angel. Kind eyes, crinkled corners and soft smiles. He might as well have had a Halo. It was the perfect facade. He'd fallen, and had fallen hard. 

The bastard had used him, lied to him, and made him believe he loved him. Played the victim when confronted. His final show has been pathetic. Louis had cried, he had begged. Louis never begged.

That's what left him unsettled. But he had to keep sanity intact so he'd seen past that. At the truth that's always been there. And seen, a needy vermin, doing everything to stay relevant. Using people, time and time again to climb the ladders that ought to be climbed with hard work and dedication. Louis had taken the easy way, riding on other's success. 

He finally saw with such clarity it almost blinded him. 

He's finally free. Two years of his life invested on that relationship. He's left with nothing but a lesson.  _ Never trust the ones who seem Trustworthy. _

He still remembers how they met. They met in one of the biggest nights of his career. He still cringes at the memory. He must have seemed so easy and gullible to Louis. He must have taken one look at him and decided him an easy target. Starry eyed and naive, tripping over his own foot. 

That's how it started actually. Him tripping over his own foot. Louis had been there to catch him then. Now he's falling apart _ because _ of him and he doesn't see any arms coming anytime soon.

**_Past_ **

Getting nominated for a Brit is amazing. Getting nominated for two Brits is fucking amazing. Getting nominated two years in a row is something beyond amazing. Fuck winning, all he cares about is this, he was even considered worthy of a nomination.

The stuff he created, pouring all his love and devotion and all that he had, getting recognition and loved all around the world, that's what he's here for. It's all too much he still can't believe he's here and he's done so well so far. Almost three years in the industry and people are not bored. He must be doing something right. 

Harry often has these moments. Moments of utter surrealism. Sort of like an out of the body experience. It hits him even years after the certain thing happened. Making him question if it realy happened and not a figment of his imagination. It only seems to be getting harder to keep up with his weirdness since the time he heard his very first single play on the radio.  _ Fucking surreal. _

Harry can't believe he won  _ 'British Break Through act' _ last year. Winning a prestigious award he's been longing since he was a kid is the best feeling. He's English and Brit is a big a deal for him. He still feels sick to his stomach whenever he thinks about it. That's how amazing it had been.

He's been a nervous wreck last year.  _ It was not a good year _ he shudders.

He's been in the toilet a bit too long when he heard the announcement at the fucking Brits that he won. He ran all the way to the stage. He tried to play it as a joke while he was dying on the inside because he knew that was going to haunt him for a long as he lives.

Noelle Gallagher and Rita Ora had presented the award, it was an honor and Rita had squeezed his hand when she noticed him shaking. He had droned out a thank you note so slow, Twitter called him 'Harry Snails', he always knew he was slow but it's not really cool when everyone picked up on it too. 

This year though he's going to make sure he gets it right. Finish his business an hour before. He's going to walk up there, spine straight, without faltering in his steps and in his perfect suit.  If he even wins that is. He's up against very talented people. His idols even.  _ Brit Awards 2016 is his bitch. _

His debut album has done well. Very well for a debut album. He just released a single and is planning on releasing his second album a few months later.

This year he's been nominated for  _ Single of the year _ and  _ Best British video _ . He so wants to win Single of the year. But he's up against  _ Ed Sheeran _ and the likes, he knows there's no chance. He hopes he'd at least win for the video. 

Doesn't matter if he doesn't win, hearing the announcement of nomination is enough. His name along with the people he looks up to? Yes, he'd die a happy man.

He walks into his closet in his London house and looks at his suit for tonight. His stylists will arrive shortly. The suit is perfect, he thinks. He'd be lying if he says he's not excited to wear it. 

He runs his hand over the cover. He's had his hands manicured yesterday. Currently his hands are bare but his rings are definite accessory tonight. His long hair is going to be the same, but he hopes it will look good with the suit. His stylists agreed, saying Harry could pull off anything. Honestly, they're very good for his ego.

He's been getting ready for months. He'd always wanted to wear a floral suit but hadn't, fearing judgment. But this time he's doing it. People know he's bisexual but he has yet to publicly date men. He doesn't want to admit he's still insecure about that. Music industry can be...very judgmental. And homophobic.

But wearing a floral suit has nothing to do with it, right? Like he wears what he wants. His clothes don't define him. He just hope he believes his own words. But he really loves the black floral pattern in his ivory white Gucci suit.

Nick Grimshaw, his friend from BBC Radio gave him shit for it, but he doesn't care. He's tired of caring. He's not going to care.  _ Nope _ .

He heads down to the kitchen, to fix himself a light lunch. He barely ate anything after his morning run. Harry sighed looking into the refrigerator, his mind elsewhere. Most specifically, his suit. He's worrying too much. He even has a back up suit to wear if he chickened out at the last moment.

_ Will people call me an old couch? _

The gay boy’s Gay boy way is showing...

_ Ugh stop it Styles! _

He's a rock star with a bomb sense of fashion. Rockstars make their own rules. They say fuck the norms. They wear make up and bizarre costumes. Sure it was in the 80s but Harry thinks it's time. He’s going to teach people fashion. Even though rockstars weren't big on flowers.

He decides to have grilled cheese sandwiches. He's too lazy to bother with anything else. He checks his phone and sees several text messages from friends and one from Gemma, his sister. He doesn't open them.

His mum had loved the suit getting all teary eyed because her  _ baby is getting comfortable on his own skin.  _ But his sister, not so much. Calling his ridiculously expensive suit a motel couch. She doesn't know shit if she thinks her boyfriend has swagger. Harry doesn't care what she thinks. Her opinion doesn't matter.

_ But it does kinda resemble my grandma's old couch she had back in the days... _

_ Fuck me! _

________________________________________

 

Turns out, people did like his suit. The photographers had loved it. He'd been complimented by a lot of people. He's over the moon. He does not know what awaits him in the social media. But he will survive because this day hadn't been a waste. Actually, it had been one of the best.

He lost his  _ 'British video' _ award to  **_Resurrection_ ** , the boy band of the generation. It was their 7th Brit and second Brit of the night. He's been pressed about that because they won Brits Global award too. It'll be their last Brit as a band so he didn't want to resent that. He forgot his childish envy when Louis Tomlinson finished his thank you speech, starting cockily but finishing with genuine gratitude. He's so humble and grateful for a prick. He's come alone. Without his other two band members, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne.

"Stellar guy," James Corden, who was seated beside him had said. Harry had just nodded. He doesn't know much about Tomlinson. Maybe he should stop judging him for something that happened years ago. He shouldn’t believe the papers too. According them Harry has a secret family in Wellington.  _ The  things they come up with. _

But the  _ Single of the year _ , Harry won that. He couldn't believe his ears when he heard Holly Willoughby call his name out. He felt James nudging him from miles away, someone's legs that actually turned out to be his carried him over to the stages and up the stairs. He had hugged Holly and Fearne Cotton in a daze. He stood blinking for a few seconds, with the mic in front not knowing what to do. Because when you are Harry Styles your brain tries to fuck you over.  _ This is going to be another fiasco. _

He'd looked at the crowd dumbly, when his eyes caught a pair of pale eyes in the front, he had held it and Louis Tomlinson had given him a slight urging nod for him to wake from his stupor and start his rehearsed speech. 

It had all been too much. He's celebrating it with lots of booze. He wants to get laid too, it's been far too long and he's all jittery with too much energy. Harry feels invincible. He won a Brit! Again. He's definitely sleeping with it beside him, everyday. He's going to kiss it goodnight without fail. He will never take it for granted. Winning this year feels more exciting than last year. He still caresses it lovingly every now and then. He had thought he had no chance in hell.  _ Madness. _

Nick asks him to meet him at the after party and he's definitely going. He's got to “meet people” Jeff he said. Socializing sucks when you're constantly thinking about messing things up. Sometimes he's surprised people buy his collected facade.

But first, he needs to talk to his mom and Gems and Niall. He's sure his phone would blow up with texts as soon as he switches it on. He'll see them later. It's time for the immediate family and friends. He heads to the restroom to have some privacy. 

He calls his mom leaning against the sink counter away from the urinals. The place looks empty. His mom answers on the first ring.

 "Oh my God Harry I'm so proud of you. You have no idea. Wish you were a mom right now, so you can feel what I'm feeling. My heart is about to burst. I knew it! I told---," his Mom screams, over excited. Fuck he is too so he yells with her. 

"I know!!! I never thought I'd win! It was against Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith! How do I even--,"

"And you weren't in the toilet this time, you managed to be there when it was announced. I'm so proud of you," Anne says giggling. And….that ruins it.

"Mom!" Harry groans. He holds his phone out away from his ears until his mother stops cackling at his expense. 

"Ma, I gotta go. I have to call Gems, I've been ignoring her all day.. We'll talk later. Bye!" Harry says after his mother has quieted down.

"Okay baby. Just know that I'm proud of you. And the video of yours was better and the band only won because they were prettier," Anne says way too seriously to take it as a joke.

He laughs and hangs up saying he loves her.  

 

He calls his sister and she answers in 1…2…the third ring. He hears something metallic fall and a loud scream of pain on the other side of this call and he winces. That poor guy, Harry pities her boyfriend.  _ Styles are cursed with clumsiness. _

"Hey brother! That was the pan by the way. It's nothing. So Resurrection won two awards huh? How cool is that? It's their 7th one! I'm so proud of them. I wish all the boys had come, you know. I teared up a bit at Louis' speech. It was beautiful---" and so Gemma rambles on while Harry rolls his eyes. 

He loves his sister but he's pretty sure she dropped head first when his mother birthed her. 

"Er…Gems stop being shitty and tell me what I want to hear so I can call other people who are more important," Harry says rubbing his left eye. Seriously talking to Gemma over the phone is exhausting.

"Important people huh? That's why you called me as soon as mom ended the call? Sure, whatever brother. I watched you embarrass yourself live. Again. You went so red before you started to drone. You'll never ceases to disappoint me. And the dress Rita wore was---" Gemma is at it again. He sighs.

"Gemma! I'm hanging up," Harry threatens.

"Wait!" Gemma shouts laughing. Gemma and his mom have the same laugh, somehow mom's is more pleasant. "Harry, I'm so very proud of you. Like real proud. I teared up a bit too. It's the Brits! I've watched so many people walk up there to get their awards. Every year, various different artists, different nominations. But no one deserves it as much as you do. I knew you'd make it. Last year I couldn't tell you how proud I was of you properly because you ruined it for everyone by running from the toilet unzipped---okay it wasn't unzipped, the point is I'm so very proud of you"

Harry's eyes are kinda wet and he wants Gemma to stop because this is more than what he expected from his sister but she continues, choking up a bit herself.

"I remember you singing along to Rolling Stones and Fleetwood Mac when you were a kid. You were shit at it but the passion, it was what I saw and I knew, I knew my brother with the messy curls is going to own the rock world. You prove me right in all of your achievements and hard work. I--- I'm going to stop now. I need words for when you win a Grammy," Gemma says clearing her throat.

"Oh , Gems," Harry breathes, "Thank you," Harry whispers overwhelmed.

Gemma clears her throat, "I shook you the most. I win! I have to call Mom and collect my prize! Bye bye brother. My boyfriend says 'congratulations'!" Gemma says. 

"I love you Gems. And thank that guy. Bye" Harry says smiling because his sister is unbelievably annoying but she is also awesome. Especially when she's praising him. He likes that. 

"I love you too." Gemma says before hanging up.

He sighs happily. His family knows how to make him feel good. For that he's thankful. But his theory about Gemma falling on her head at birth still stands.

He is too drained to call anyone else, he responds to Niall via text. He sends quick 'thank you's to Lou and Harry, his stylists and Jeff, his manager. 

He texts his driver and body guard to let them know he's going to the after party.

There's after parties thrown all over London. He goes to wherever Nick suggests, Nick always knows the right place and right people.

This time, they're going Soho House. He fixes his hair and cleans his face. He looks good to go. Lou is outside anyway.

 

_________________________________________

 

_ Under the lights tonight _

_ You turned around, and you stole my heart _

_ With just one look, when I saw your face _

_ I fell in love _

_ It took a minute for you to steal my heart tonight _

**_Stole My Heart - One Direction_ **

 

Soho House club area is huge. Purple and blue lights everywhere but it's still generally dark. Long bar with several handpicked bar tenders are serving the celebrities. Harry can almost taste the Pimm's Cup he knows the fancy bartenders can make. All men are fit too. Women are making rounds with trays of drinks. They don't once stumble in their high heeled shoes and Harry is very respectful towards women who walk around in heels. He knows how hard it is.

He's not telling how he knows.

There are tables to sit too. At which some people are pressed together, taking pictures. The music is just right and makes people move without realizing it. And he's moving. 

Harry's had too many drinks and he knows it. It's a day to celebrate so he doesn't care. Everyone is pissed and making a fool out of themselves in the dance floor. Well, he swaying in the sitting area getting weird looks, but that's what drunk people do. 

Harry's “pleasant’ buzz won't be pleasant anymore. He should stop before he does something he regrets. Won't everyone love that?

Last year he hadn't stayed for the after party. He was still awkward and uncomfortable. He'd left soon against his manager’s advise. A year later in the industry since, he's made friends and knows most of them. So, he's here to party away.

Harry's not going to get laid tonight. He's already very bad at one night stands sober. He can never do it drunk. Wish he didn't have to seek out anyone. It makes him uncomfortable to treat women like that. But Nick says if both are willing and wanting it, there's no offense. He has a point. 

Nick is somewhere in the dance floor with Olly. Good for him. But doesn't Olly have a boyfriend? He hopes it's just platonic. He sees Katy Perry too, she's posing for a picture. Perrie Edwards and Leigh Anne arrived late, she told Harry they were held up by the paps because partying with a pop star is bound to make headlines. She doesn't mention the pop star’s name and he didn't ask. They were all doing small talk anyway.

Harry makes his way to the bar again, giving up trying to coax a dance out of Nick. Nick's busy. He’s a clingy drunk so he makes sure he doesn't get attached to anyone here. More booze seems like a good idea. Being drunk definitely doesn't make people smart, that's for sure.

There are two women sat at the bar away from the dance floor, a brunette and a blonde. They're pretty, he thinks. He's all alone and it doesn't hurt to flirt. He might even get lucky. Harry gears up with his jokes. 

He smiles charmingly striking up a conversation. He's getting drunker and drunker and so are the ladies. The blonde is groping at his arms and he smiles at her devilishly. That looks promising. He slides out of his stool to offer her a dance but trips over his own feet and stumbles back. 

_ Fuck my legs! Not in front of potential one night stand!  _ He thinks on his way down _. _

Someone catches Harry from behind, winding their arms around his waist.

 "Whoa there Curly!" an annoying voice says steadying him. 

_ Curly? What is he five? _ Harry pushes his hands off him rather rudely and turns his head to see who his knight in fucking shining armor was.

The stranger's face is too close and blurry. Harry could make out two eyes a nose and...He doesn’t know what that is. It's all too blurry. 

He blinks to clear his vision and as he's drunk off his ass, he stumbles again.

Sir Five year old catches him by his shoulders again and his other hand winds around his arm and when Harry tries to shove him off the blurry figure says, "Hey why don't we focus on steadying you then you can invest your time and energy on being a douchebag?"  

He's too close to Harry, and he's breathing in Harry's scent? 

_ What is this creep doing? _

Harry was still annoyed at him for disturbing his chance at getting laid. But he needs to stand on his feet on his own to be able to do anything first. So he puts up an I'm-totally-under-control look, standing straight and blinks to clear his vision again. 

What he sees when he looks up is not something he was expecting. Harry always thought he'd see the love of his life in a romantic setting. In a candle lit room under a floral canopy maybe. Definitely not like this. And he'd always been sober and polite in every fantasy. 

He's not only a clingy drunk but a silly delusional one too. _ Love of my life, my ass _ . Because what?

He's lost to the world looking at the person front of him. Trying to, to be precise. The two ladies give him a stink eye and nudge him on their way away from the bar. Harry doesn't even turn.

He's standing too close to Harry. All Harry can see is his face. His sparkling grey eyes. His eye lashes. His skin that reflects the blue lights in the party. His cheekbones nd his smirking lip. The lips. They're reflecting purple. It's too dark to make our anything really. And... He’s staring. He clears his throat and takes a swaying step back. 

The guy reaches to help Harry again but he holds his hand up as if to say 'stop' and he backs away before looking up. And then the stranger decides to go ahead and kill Harry. _He smiles._ And t's blinding. Harry just fishmouths like a stupid moron. It's beautiful. Harry thinks _._ Harry squints _._ _What am I--_ Pearly teeth. Like little pearls. They're not round or anything but it's pearly. Glinting. _Shut it Styles. Who is this guy?_

If only his slow brain could work he'd recognize this familiar creature. He blinks and blinks again but his vision only clears for a few seconds before swimming. He needs to get away and call Preston.

"Am I gonna get a thank you? You know that is something a person says to another when he is helped. Teach you in kindergarten. You look like you went to one. So..." the pale eyed stranger says still smiling like he owns the world. 

His voice is smooth and raspy.  A strange mixture. He should sing  _ 'Torn apart' _ . Harry thinks. It's a song he wrote a few months ago that didn't make it into the album but he absolutely loves. And the guys is still smiling. Harry frowns, he's confused. 

He kicks himself in the butt to kick start his stupid brain. 

"I-uh fanks you" What the fuck? "I mean, thanks! Thank you. Thank you is what I meant by fanks you. I don't know why I said fanks. Like Fanks? What does that even mean, right? Listen I'm drunk! You asked--" Harry rambles not looking at him.

"Hey chill out mate! It's no problem." the stranger says shifting his weight to the other side. He looks familiar though. He knows him. 

"You can be a douche now" he gives Harry permission. And Harry humiliate himself further by squawking out a laughter. He just grins wider.

Gotta take control of the situation before it gets out of hand. He hold his hand out, introducing himself, "I'm Harry Edward Styles" he slurs blinking. He doesn't know why he found the need to say his middle name too but this man and the booze fried his brain. He looks at Harry's hands for a few seconds before taking it. 

"Louis William Tomlinson the first, but call me King" he says handing his hand out too. And Harry laughs. How could he not? King! Really? He squeezes Harry's hand before letting go. Harry's hands feel prickly and restless. He shoves it into his pockets.

"Okay King, sorry I was a dick. You kinda of interrupted...uh-something" I tell him smiling sheepish. 

"It's alright, you were trying to get laid. As a single man trying to get laid too, I understand" Louis winks.

Okay now that's too much information, paired with that wink? 

_ But he looks way too straight though _ , Harry thinks. Interesting...and Louis Tomlinson! Lewis! The band! How could I have not recognized him? They are literally everywhere. He just watched him give damn speech for fuck's sake.

"Hey, I know you! You are The Louis Tomlinson from The Band, Resurrection or Direction or something!" Harry almost yells, excited he knows him.  _ Lewis! No Louis. Lou-eee. _ He looks so much better in person and up close, he just wishes his vision wasn't so blurry.  **_Damn._ **

"Definitely from 'Or Something'. But I like to tell people I'm my own person. Since the band broke, Ya know! Doing our own thing...And I go by Louis, you can lay off the 'Thee' “Louis says bemused. 

Harry nods apologetically, embarrassed by his outburst, getting ready for small talk. He bites his tongue to stop himself from  blushing too hard go. He probably should apologize for being a dick earlier. Now that his brain recognized Louis, he sees him clearly.  _ This is Louis Tomlinson up close _ .

They just stare at each other not knowing what to say. Harry doesn’t mind staring at this specimen to be honest. The way his metallic grey suit hugs him near the shoulders. Harry tilts his head to a side to study him further. Someone, clearly irrelevant, in the back of his mind is saying he's being too creepy and weird. But drunk ass runs his eyes over the way Louis’s styled his hair in a quiff.  _ Quiff looks ugly on Nick _ , Harry thinks, this man pulls it off. 

Harry nods to the bar and they walk towards it together. Maybe he should have asked? It doesn't matter though, Louis is already ordering, taking a seat beside him. 

“Nice suit,” Louis says making Harry blush. Harry nods his 'thank you’ unable to day it in words. 

Harry  takes a sip of his drink, he left at the bar against his better judgement, looking at Louis through his lashes. Bad idea, because he suddenly feels sick.  _ Ugh this drink is awful _ . Louis notices and reaches for him.

 

 “Are you alright mate?” he asks to which Harry shakes his head and turns towards the loo fast, swaying his way through the crowd. Louis is right behind him, his hands steadying Harry.  _ God, this is embarrassing. _

"Louis, I got it. You go back to the party." Harry says pushing him away.

"Hey, it's alright. Keep moving." He urges him forward and hell no. Harry is not letting him see him like this. This is Louis Tomlinson. He could become someone special to Harry. Or he hopes. 

_ Too soon mate, too soon. _

"No, I'm good, really. I just feel sick. I didn't drink that much--just a---I'm good, please go back to the party" he says firmly.

"Do you know where the loo is? I can--" Louis says and Harry cuts him. 

"I know the way. I'll handle it. Go back?" Harry is a millimeter away from falling to his feet begging. Louis watches him for a few seconds and nods, turning away towards the bar slowly, looking back often.  _ Oh God! _

Harry almost enters the women's toilet in hurry. But he sees a man coming out of the toilet opposite to his. He jumps back like the handle burned him. He then rushes into the men's toilet, finds an empty stall and empties his stomach.  _ God, everything is woozy _ . And it's disgusting. He groans before purging again.

"Harry?" he hears Nick calling from the other side. "You alright mate? Tomlinson sent me here. Told me you were sick. You alright in there?" Nick asks.

"God, no Nick. I'm not alright! I embarrassed myself front of The Louis Tomlinson. I'm never recovering." he groans holding his head, elbows resting on the toilet seat. 

Nick just laughs, that bastard.

"Okay, that's dramatic. Just open this door. No one's here but me. C'mon I've seen you in your worst. This is nothing," Nick says trying to suppress his laughter. 

Harry stands up too fast and it triggers his pancreas and he purges again. 

“Oh my God Styles, just open the damn door.” Nick yells.

He reaches for the latch and opens it, letting Nick in. Nick holds Harry's head while he vomits his guts out. After Harry makes sure he's done vomiting, before walking to the sinks and rinses his mouth thoroughly. 

“Louis sent you?” Harry inquires to make sure he heard Nick right.

Nick nods from where his standing before coming closer. Well, that's embarrassing. He should invest his money on a faraway island and quit his music career. 

He looks at himself in the mirror and then at Nick, who is hovering beside him. They stare at each other for a while and then burst out laughing. They laugh till their sides ache. He's clearly still drunk and so is Nick because he keeps hiccupping.

"Hey Nick remember that time--" Harry laughs unable to finish the sentence without cracking up, "That time at Arthur's party, oh my God that was awesome!" he laughs harder because that was the funniest shit he had ever seen in his entire life. 

"I know, I know, don't need to bring that up again" Nick cuts him off still holding his sides, frowning.

"Oh my! You did body shots on this really fit guy you had a crush on, you were drunk as fuck. You licked the---no let me finish. Nick! No, you licked the salt off his chest and--" Nick covers Harry's mouth with his hands, Harry  struggles out of his grasp and pushes him away and continues, "You took the tequila shot and vomited all over him before you could---the lime---i can't Nick! That was fucking epic!" Harry's on the floor by the time he finishes the story. 

 

Laughing after just vomiting is not a good idea. He rushes to the stall again trying to keep the nausea at bay.

Nick starts to crack up again. Harry turns to him smiling. Nick's ugly laughter is contagious and gets him laughing again. He turns away and concentrates on breathing through his nose.

“The Louis Tomlinson! You said  **The Louis Tomlinson.** Oh my God. This is gold," Nick teases laughing more. 

"Shut up!", he says sobering up. He doesn't feel like laughing anymore, “I hate myself! God I was so rude to him, I think. But I don’t know, he was polite. I can't believe this. He must think I'm a child” he whines.

Nick the dickhead is leaning against the wall, his hands on his knees, laughing his heart out. “I'm surprised Louis didn't humiliate you. He loves embarrassing the fuck out of people. You are like a bone to his dog”

"What do you mean?" Harry asks leaning against the counter. He still feels drunk and nauseated. 

"Oh you know, just him, being Louis. He drags people. He can be a dick sometimes." Nick says wiping his eyes.

He's intrigued. Before he can ask what he means by it, Nick reminds him of a time when they drunk called a bunch of people and complained about pregnancy. They start laughing all over again.

"Let's…get...out of here Styles." Nick chokes out between laughs. Harry has tears streaking down his cheeks himself as he rings Preston.

 Nick hugs him goodbye. He leaves through the back exit to the parking in the ground floor without going back to the party, unwilling to face Louis or just anyone. 

There are paps and fans outside screaming and yelling, flashes going off, capturing every moment of celebrities leaving the party piss drunk. The pictures are going to be everywhere tomorrow. The chaos outside is unbelievable. But it's peaceful inside the car. Preston hands him a bottle of water and makes him drink it. He finishes it in three gulps and throws the bottle down. 

Preston is looking at him worried. He smiles at him reassuringly. But Preston grimaces, maybe Harry did the serial killer smile. The car moves ever so slowly, but it also tilts to either sides of the road, like a see-saw. He's in space he thinks. He tells Preston that and Preston just shakes his head.

The seat is really comfortable. Harry lies himself across the seat, bending his knees a little. He even sees stars on the ceiling that's not supposed to be there. He doesn't think Preston will like it if he shares his thought so, he keeps it to himself. This position jostles his intestines triggering gagging reflexes, but he doesn't move to right it. He's too damn tired. He just presses himself tighter to the back of the seat. 

His eyes are slowly falling shut, opening everytime the car shakes. Harry tries to blink his sleep away but it's a lost battle.

Harry hears Preston telling the driver something as he drifts off. Louis' laughter ringing inside his head.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you found any mistakes please let me know so I can perfect them. Thank you for reading. Leave your honest thoughts.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters in this work of fiction are not how they are in real life. This is all my imagination and isn't real at all.  
> No disrespect to the family members or the other characters in real life.  
> I have changed a few names of family members so I don't have to feel overly guilty about potraying their character the way I want.  
> Please don't take anything I've written personally.  
> I need to thank Kau for encouraging me to continue writing. I love you

**Present**

 

_Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in_ _  
_ _and I could go on and on and I will_ _  
_ _Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again_ _  
_ _And you were just gone._ _  
_ _Silent screams_ _  
_ _Wildest dreams_  
I never dreamed of this.

**_This Love - Taylor Swift_**

Harry hasn't spoken to Louis in ages. Louis is in America, he guesses. He still has a few shows before his tour ends. Harry misses him. He doesn't know how he should feel about missing the person he currently hates. He doesn't like how needy he can easily feel if he let himself.

He feels lost. The confusion alone is drowning him. He thinks he understands something only to be pushed back by the currents of uncertainty. Questions keeps coming back, creeping into his brain, like waves forever washing the shores. His head aches with it. He's thinking too much, more than his brain is capable of. His thoughts are tidal waves, too powerful to be contained.

There was a time when he swam in the blue, blue ocean. Even the strongest waves that Louis hit him with sometimes we're reassuring. The currents never felt dangerous, always comforting. It relaxed him. He didn't have to be cautious even when the night falls, he trusted the blue water. A sense of security that had enveloped him was enough. He feels foolish now. To have trusted him.

Louis was the ocean, mysterious yet clear. Shallow and deep. Louis had showed him his shore, the beautiful corals with vibrant colors. But the ocean isn't only its shore. It's deeper. It's dark and no men can survive the deep ocean. Nobody knows about the secrets that lie there.  

He thought he was in the pool, when he was in the relationship, floating around. But he's been slowly dragged into a whirlpool. It would have swallowed him whole, but he opened his eyes and saw things for what they were.

Maybe he should have researched more. A simple Wiki search is what he had done. He ignored the tabloids and the media, they were hardly reliable. People warned him. Looked at him questioningly, asked if he was sure. But he hadn’t cared.

Club music, purple lights, lots of alcohol, a misstep and then Louis. It was Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. It was all Louis after that.

His eyes. He had fallen for them. The longer you looked the more you sank. The more you sank the safer you felt. The safer you felt the less you feared. He hadn't been afraid to fall in love with Louis. Harry laughs without humor. It was Louis. Why should he be afraid? He snorts.

Louis used to say, Harry's eyes were like the rainforest he got lost in. Maybe he was just like him.

Louis was lost and Harry had fallen.

Louis had gone through a lot of shit in the past that they never spoke about.

Harry hadn't asked because it hardly seemed to matter. Louis didn't hide things, that's what he thought. He was always open, answering Harry's questions. Harry hadn’t seen any red flags.

Louis went head first into their relationship as soon as he came out. It did seem odd that Louis wasn't uncomfortable as he himself had been when he had come out. Louis, too cool and confident to be uncomfortable in his own skin. But Harry had had the cursed privilege of knowing Louis to an intimate level that he saw Louis trying to fit in. Learning to embrace himself because he hadn't been able to do so during his time in the band. Louis had said he was done hiding.

His time with the band has been difficult, although Harry never asked, Louis had told him some stuff over the years that closeting himself had made him miserable. It must have been hard, Harry doesn't want to sympathize but he can't help it. That must have been why Louis needed someone. So he didn't have to face it all alone. It was never about Harry. It was always about him. _That selfish bastard._

He feels like a cheap beard.

He blames Louis because it's easy. And he has all the right reasons too. The end of their relationship is when Louis started hiding things so obviously. By then harry was already questioning things.

_That night_ that he doesn't remember changed everything. It damaged them to an extent where they were irreparable. Harry stopped trusting Louis the next morning when Louis refused to tell him what had happened the night before. Harry felt violated. That was the last straw. He took off his love sick glasses and saw what had always been there. Louis was twisted.

He continued what had been a halfhearted research with new ferocity, it became an obsession to find the truth.

With all the proof in hand he recollects the days before dating Louis. He had done a similar research, his eyes only looking at the good. That's what he wanted to see. Wikipedia and fan sights had given him insights of Louis’ good side. But who was he when he was by himself? He thought he knew but what he had found out a couple months ago had rocked his world.

People on the internet are saying he looked miserable during performance. He wasn't enjoying it much and the fans were worried. He looks sad in the few clips he watched to punish himself. It hurt. Everything hurts.

It's done now. He's done letting Louis use him. He's done falling for his lies. He's done swimming in his ocean.

He's going to let Louis drown on his own. In his own sea.

Like Harry is lost. So very lost in the wilderness that is his brain. This scares him.

_Will he feel this lost forever?_

If only he had dug deeper.

 

**Past**

_All I knew this morning when I woke_ _  
_ _Is I know something now_ _  
_ _Something now, I didn't before_ _  
_ _All I've seen since eighteen hours ago_ _  
_ _Your blue eyes and freckles and your smile_ _  
_ _In the back of my mind making me feel like_ _  
_ _  
_ _I just want to know you better, better know you, better now_ _  
_ _  
_ **_(Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran)_  **

_I will not wake up. I refuse to. I will not. God, I hate punishing myself after a big win._

         Harry presses him palms against his eyes, grimacing. He hates himself for making waking up at ass crack of dawn a habit. It's still dark outside damn it. A few more hours won't kill him. He doesn't have anything planned all day. Jeff made sure of it. Harry turns over groaning to look at the clock on the bedside table.

         He jumps up, startled. Where is he? Why is he here? Did he score a one night stand after all? Was it the Louis guy? Louis. Louis. Harry whimpers at the recollection of last night's events. He decides thinking about anything traumatic in a confused state is a bad idea. He shoves it behind and reaches for his phone near the lamp.  
_12:48 p.m.! Holy shit!_ His body had betrayed. The room is dark because the thick drapes are drawn.

          Where the fuck is he? He finds a post-it stuck on a glass of water that says "I told you about staying at the hotel room. Preston."  
           Oh yeah Harry remembers him saying something about it when he was stressing about his hair with Lou.  
He texts Preston to come and pick him in an hour.

Harry doesn't even know which hotel he's at. He groans, he'd have go his mom's to celebrate this too. Mum would be disappointed if he didn't. Tomorrow, he'll go there tomorrow.  
He texts his mom he's coming home tomorrow before standing up and stretching. His head hurts very bad. He needs Xanax and a hot cup of coffee. And a shower, definitely a shower. He's in his last night's clothes and they reek. He's managed to get out of his suit, at least that isn't ruined.  
Harry takes a long shower and asks the room service for some breakfast and pills.  
He can hardly eat any breakfast because food makes him want to puke. The coffee helps though.  
"Take me home, Mr. Preston," Harry says as soon as he gets inside the car sunglasses covering his eyes. Preston chuckles and says, "Whatever you want, party monster." And honks really loud. Harry hates him.  
____

  
Harry replies to all the congratulating texts he's received. Some call him up and he thanks them politely. By the time he tweets about his gratitude to the fans his hungover had passed and his stomach has taken to growling. Lunch at 4 is the life of a moron who parties too hard.  
  
Harry is going through Louis Tomlinson's Wikipedia page on his laptop when he gets a call from Nick. Harry had just recovered from the hungover and made himself some light lunch before deciding to stalk Louis. He's English so of course he's heard about the member of the biggest boyband in the world since the Beatles. They've even been to the same parties and attended the same functions a few times. Their circles don't intersect, it seems. Louis hung out with random people. New artists to famous producers. There's no specific type. Harry's a lot comfortable with being famous now than he was then. Never have they spoken to each other directly.

He remembers this one time, at the Jingle ball festival, Naill had dragged Louis along backstage to his dressing room. He'd been fidgety and left very soon. That was the only time he saw _Resurrection_ perform live.  

Harry's interest on Louis is no longer that of a common citizen. No, he wants to bed the heart-throb. _No! Gosh he's perverted._  
He wants to wine and dine at least. Yeah wine and dine sounds good.  
He's not even sure if Louis swings his way. If he did Harry would have known, being in the industry and all that.  
Louis does _swing_ his hips though. He remembers how Louis got off the seat, face void of any surprise, just delight when the winner was announced. Like he knew he was going to take home the award one way or another. He had hugged _Ed Sheeran_ , who was sat beside him before climbing the stage. Harry was seated two tables across from him and had seen the little swing in Louis' hips when he accepted the award cockily.  
It was clear he was the alpha right that moment. Harry remembers he was oozing confidence when he gave his speech.  
Harry wants to get fucked, or fuck the cockiness out of him. He doesn't care as long as there are dicks involved. His and Louis'.

_What am I thinking? I need to skinny dip in holy water. Fuck._

  
He didn't know he could think like that before last night. This feels totally out of character. Making a fool out of himself...not so much. But the rest? Definitely not him. Being quite taken to Louis as soon as he met him, even drunk off his ass. Obsessing over his sexuality and stalking him in the internet. This is all too much and quite creepy. He should probably stop, he thinks scrolling down Solo project and football section...  
  
He'd just gotten to the part about Louis' _Philanthropy_ feeling proud even though he barely knows the guy when he's interrupted by Nick Grimshaw.

  
"Hiya Harry! Gooooood Morning," Nick screams into Harry's year as soon as he picks up. Harry winces, lingering after effects of last night's hurrah.  
Nick chuckles, "Knew you'd be hungover with the way you were drunk last night, light weight. You begged me to kiss you. Even confessed that you thought I had better hair and---"  
  
Harry interrupts him before Nick goes on and on about all the things that he fantasizes.  
"I was only a little drunk, not black out drunk. And I seem to remember everything very clearly. Unfortunately. Tell me that didn't happen Nick!" Harry whines.  
  
"Oh it happened, alright," Nick laughs. "The Louis Tomlinson! Iconic. You're never living that down by the way."  
  
"Take your car. Come to my place. Kill me with a bread knife. A blunt one!" He sets down the computer on the coffee table and slumps back into the couch.  
  
Nick cackles, "Shit happens, Rock star. We'll laugh about it later. Congratulations on your win!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah thanks. You already congratulated me yesterday, I think. Anyways, it was awesome dude!" Harry says smiling.  
  
"Ew, so American. _It was sick mate._ You didn’t do anything overly Harry-ish. Just at the after party, no one remembers that. So it's a win. I am a little disappointed because I voted for Adele. Anyway i phoned you...why did I...uh...RIGHT! I'm throwing a party before my clothing launch! Kinda like a pre-launch slash party. To celebrate the completion. Yes, Harry it's completed," Nick says over excited, singing the last sentence.  
  
"Wow, finally. Can't wait! God you worked so much. Congratulations!" Harry says reflecting his friend’s enthusiasm.  
  
"Yes! I'm inviting over some close friends for the first look. Don't you dare tell me you are going to be in LA this weekend because I will not hesitate to tweet about the Louis fiasco," Nick threatens.  
  
Harry sucks in a breath, "You wouldn't!"  
  
"Oh hell yes I would,"  
  
"I hate you. But...surprisingly I'm going to be in London till next week. Luck is on your side, Nick," Harry cheeks.  
  
"Whatever you say," Nick scoffs, "The official launch party is a couple weeks later. I'll send out invites. Hey, what were you doing anyway?" Nick asks.  
  
Harry panics and looks at the computer screen. And no, this is creepy. Harry thinks of a quick response. He looks over at the wall opposite to him. "I...I’m uh...was…” Harry stammers looking for something. _A painting._ “Painting! I was painting," Harry rushes out and say what? He hates himself. That was fucking lame.

 

The silence from the other side is louder than anything. He can tell Nick is waiting for the real answer. He sighs. "Okay no I'm not painting, that's a stupid one. Even for me. I'm--uh--okay fuck it. I'm googling Louis. And did you know Louis has blue eyes! I thought they were grey. But no they're so blue. Actually I think--"

“Harry seriously?”

“I don't know. This is so frustrating, Nick! Make me stop. I don't know what I'm doing,” Harry whines.  
  
"Oh man, you've got it bad," Nick thinks out loud.  
  
Harry puts his feet on the table and pulls the laptop to his lap. He needs to get comfortable if Nick is going to drag him. He worries his lips with his finger.

“Please say something man,” Harry begs.

“I don't know what to say. I...uh...I don't even know you. Wait what? No that's not what I meant. I mean, I haven't done this with you before. I don't know what to say?”  
  
"Nick just...okay can you tell me if he is even gay? Bi or something?" Harry asks desperately.  
  
"I don't know, maybe. This is uncomfortable, just letting you know. I'm pretty sure he is? If he is, he's not out. Hey, are you serious?" Nick's asks seriously.

  
Harry sets down the computer and stands processing the new information. He walks over to the window, looks outside and sighs before saying, "I don't know. I think I'd like to get to know him. Everything feels different?  Yesterday...I don't know how to tell you. It's this feeling that won't go away."

“You just met him”

“I know, I know. But now he's inside my head and---”

Nick cuts him off, “It's only been a day since. I think you'd forget this in a few days.”

“I don't think so, Nick. This feels different. Good difference? Because I almost like this and don't want to let go.”

  
"Whoa, you want his dick," Nick states.

"Christ Nick! I don't want his dick. I'd like to like get to know him. Like platonically at least. Like stop, there's no harm in like a little research..." Harry tries to smoothen the issues he has.  
  
"You said 'Like' like seven times. Like it's official. You want his dick," Nick states again.

“You're judging me.”

“I'm not. Okay, I kinda am. My verdict is you want his dick.”

  
"Nick stop, now you got me thinking about his dick. Do you think he bottoms?" Harry asks starting off embarrassed but ending shamelessly curious.  
  
"I don't know how Tomlinson always manages to do this to people," Nick mutters.  
  
"What did you say?" Harry asks not quite catching it.  
  
"I said ' I bet he's tiny'," Nick says.  
  
"Er no. His stance says big fat dick though," Harry thinks out loud.  
  
"His stance...? What the fuck Harry? What happened to you? Did you just say 'big fat dick'? Oh Gosh, I should have recorded this conversation. This is gold," Nick says excited.  
  
"I'm hanging up, Nick," Harry warns.

  
"Hey wait! Are you seriously considering dating that arsehole?"

  
"I don't know, maybe I am. I haven't dated in a while. Why do you call him an arsehole?" Harry asks changing the subject.

  
"Cause he is? Some shit happened in the past. It was a time before you, young Harold. Be careful if you're pursuing him. If he's gay then he's a closet case. Closet cases do desperate shit to keep their cover," Nick warns.

  
"Whoa okay. I'm just googling him Nick. Not looking for rings. Christ!" Harry back pedals, mind racing.

“You totally were a few seconds ago. You are serious,” Nick says in disbelief.  
  
Harry knows this is out of character. Maybe he should forget about Louis and his fit body and pale eyes and strong grip and silver suit and the daddy vibe and stupid hair and good humor and....he should stop.  
He only met Louis for like 15 minutes and he's already spitting bars. This is not healthy.  
The very first advice he received about Louis Tomlinson is to stay away from him. That is not a promising start.

  
_But he asked me to call him King! Who says that to a stranger?_ Harry would very much like to meet Louis again. But he shouldn't, he'll only make a fool out of himself. Besides he's not even sure if Louis is actually gay.  
Harry walks over to the couch again and sits. He looks at the picture of Louis and Zayn on the Wiki page. _He's hot though!_  
But there are other fish in the sea. _What about Zayn? He's queer, and you've always fancied him._  
Zayn was actually nice to him when they met at the label's Christmas party.  
Sure, Zayn was hot but he didn't make Harry want to Google him and obsess about him the day after. Actually no one has had him acting this crazy.  
_Ugh this sucks._  
  
He should let Louis go. For his own good and sanity, he should. Harry reaches out and closes the laptop only hesitating a little.  
"Hey harry still there?" Nick asks startling Harry who had zoned out with the phone to his ear.  
He shakes his head. He's letting Louis go.

"Yes I'm still here," he says. Forget Louis. Guys are too much hassle. _I'm letting go of Louis Tomlinson, who might not even be gay._ This is just an infatuation. He was still salty about him about something that happened 4 years ago. He should focus on that.

He'd like to hear Louis laugh like that again. It's been on loop inside his head.

He had zoned out again when he hears Nick say, "Okay... whatever. I'm hanging up weirdo. I'll send the details later. Heads up for the invite. Good luck with the crush of yours. Bye Harry."

"Hey Nick wait! Can you invite Louis to your official launch party? Please. I'll even do free promo for your shit," Harry says in haste.

Nick groans.

So much for letting go.

__________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there is too many Taylor Swift songs but her songs suit the chapter. And she's an outstanding songwriter. There I said it. And I've altered them a bit to go with my story and the characters in it.  
> Tell me what you think. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome. <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally love this chapter so much.  
> Again, sorry for the Taylor Swift lyrics. But I just miss the old albums. *Wistful Sigh* I hope this is the last one I use. Not making any promises.  
> Enjoy!

**Past**

_There I was again tonight_  
_Forcing laughter, faking smiles_  
_Same old tired lonely place_  
_Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy_  
_Vanished when I saw your face_  
_All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you_  
  
_Your eyes whispered have we met_  
_Across the room your silhouette_  
_Starts to make it way to me_  
_The playful conversation starts_  
_Counter all your quick remarks_  
_Like passing notes in secrecy_  
  
_And it was enchanting to meet you_ _  
_ All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

 

**_(Enchanted - Taylor Swift)_ **

 

…..

 

Harry arrives at Nick's Launch party when it's in full swing. The place is would be pretty packed had it been tiny. People in clusters talking about Nick's clothing line, friends gathered together laughing over nothing, some browsing Nick's work, some tipsy and cheerful.

He'd gotten back to London from Cheshire two days ago. His mother had been over the moon, he recollects fondly. He has to visit that woman more often. He won't be able to once the tour starts.

Topman, Nick's collaborator, had chosen a modern looking studio on the third floor for the official launch. It was sparse with high ceilings. Farther down the floor, away from all the clothes is a buffet table. The opened French doors lead to a big balcony space where there are chairs and tables laid out. It's gorgeous outside, decorated with fairy lights and colorful glasses.  

Harry finds Nick talking to some people gesturing at a white shirt with black splotches. All his designs are inspired by his dog, Pig. A cute bull terrier.

Nick's shirts are definitely for hipsters and the likes. Harry actually really likes them. The leopard print coat hanging there is calling him. He's proud of Nick, he wouldn't mind doing free promo because these are actually some clothes he'd wear.   
He's wearing black skinny jeans, a black blazer over Bee Jacquard Cambridge shirt, a light blue long sleeved shirt with small snowflake like patterns on it. He has two buttons open at the top to make the look casual looking. Definitely not to impress anyone in particular. If he gets humiliated today, let it be said he was found dead in the hotel swimming pool in his stupidly expensive outfit looking like a meal.  
Nick taps him on his shoulder a while later when Harry was distracted looking for one short guy with blue eyes.  
"He's not here yet but he RSVP'd. He's coming Harry," Nick smirks.  
"I wasn't---fine whatever. I really love the shirts. It looks cooler than it did in the catalogue. Congratulations man," Harry says beaming.  
"Yeah I can't actually believe this. People seem to really like it or they're really good actors. You saw the scarves? I think you'd love them. Follow me," Nick gestures him towards his the scarf collection. Harry follows him nodding.  
"Thank you for tweeting about  this, mate," Nick says grateful.  
"I didn't do it because...you know. I would have done it either way. I hope--"  
"I know, Harry," Nick smiles.  
Harry nods before going through very cool scarves. These are way too hipster-ish, even for him. But Harry smiles and listens while Nick talks about each one of them excitedly.  
He's been here for more than an hour and mingled with almost all of them and since people were gathered in groups he only had to make two rounds.

He didn't want be called a dick by Nick's friends for ignoring people. His friends are really pretentious.  
Nick has managed to get impressive celebrities here. Harry sees Kate Moss, Daisy Lowe and Cara. He sees some radio hosts, some YouTube stars, Olly is here too, he seems to be hanging out with Nick a little too much. Two members of the band, Little Mix. A few models and many important looking strangers.  
Harry is waiting for the most famous one to arrive so he could stop stressing so much.    
Harry sees him by accident when he turns around to refuse the champagne offered. He stumbles a bit because it's all he seems to be doing when Louis in proximity. _Stumbling_ .  
Louis is talking to Leigh Anne from Little Mix and a couple of people. Harry doesn't even notice the waiter standing there awkwardly with a tray of drinks. He's too caught up looking at Louis who is a few feet away.

Louis is in black skinny jeans too, he's wearing a thin black jacket with blue, white and grey lines in different sizes over a dark blue T-shirt. He looks amazing with his hair styled messily and effortlessly casual and expensive as fuck. The look Harry was going for. Louis looks like he was born into wealth. _Maybe that kind of nonchalance comes with time._  
It looks like he arrived a while ago. He's smiling relaxed and listening to something Leigh Anne say with interest.

Harry observes Nick approach Louis, and he hides away from their view, afraid Nick will embarrass him.

They talk for a bit and walk around together, Nick showing him stuff and Louis nodding politely. He should probably stop looking at them before it gets creepy but everyone is watching them anyway. People are turning heads and whispering and taking pictures of Louis discreetly. Harry wants to laugh at them but realizes he doesn't really have the grounds to laugh.  
He watches him from afar as Louis walks around talking to people, taking pictures with them and even signing stuff at their request.

He keeps looking around like he's looking for someone. Harry's gut says it's him that he's looking for and butterflies take flight. They have been flying since the time he set his eyes on Louis but now they're going crazy, flapping their wings against his insides, making him feel queasy. He likes the feeling, he decides.  
Nick raises an eyebrow at him from across the room and points at Louis questioningly. Harry decides he's given enough time for Louis to socialize. Or rather, he's done hiding like a middle school guy with a crush.  
Harry comes into Louis' line of vision and looks away from Louis hoping he'd see him first. He braves a glance at him every once in a while blushing because this is all new to him and he is mortified.  
Louis glances his way when Harry is a little too caught up watching Louis laugh at something _some stupid dumbass_ said. Louis' eyes snaps back and lock with his own. Louis’ face transforms when he smiles at him with genuine excitement before excusing himself and coming over immediately.

Harry wants to pause this moment as if this was a movie and scream into the abyss. Harry beams at Louis when saunters towards him. Harry feels a little breathless because Louis doesn't break the eye contact, looking at him steadily even after he reaches Harry.  
"Hello, Harry. Harry Edward Styles," Louis greets him smiling mischievously. _That's me. Harry Styles_ .  
"Harry is fine. But hello to you "King"," Harry says smiling with air quotes.  
Louis smiles wider, eyes crinkling at the corners. Harry wants to scream at everyone in the room because Louis is looking at him like that. Not at Nick or even at the stupid guy that made Louis laugh at his lame jokes. At _him_ .  
"So you do remember that night," Louis says in a mocking tone making Harry fidget a little clearly embarrassed.  
"I was only a little drunk," Harry says to the ground biting his lips.  
"Where are you from, Harry?" Louis asks suddenly.  
Harry looks up confused at this sudden question. "Cheshire, England?" Harry frowns.  
"So you're English?" Louis asks curiously.  
"Yeah...?" Harry answers uncertain.  
"I don't know about you but us English people use the word "pissed" for the state you were in.

“I'm not entirely sure you understand the definition of the word 'little' because I remember this certain someone pissed out of his ass, it took him 15 minutes to recognize me. Then 20 minutes into meeting me, had to be rushed to the lavatories before he threw a dinner party right on the dance floor. No one was even hungry" Louis says widening his eyes dramatically.  
He's teasing Harry. Harry makes an affronted noise.  
"Ew no, disgusting! I did not---I no--" Harry stutters clearly not knowing how to save face.  
"He suddenly develops a stutter in his speech too" Louis sasses.  
"I--I was not rushed to the loo! I went there on my own!" H screeches.  
Louis laughs loudly at Harry's failed attempt at salvaging what's left of his dignity, making heads turn as if they weren't already watching them like hawks.

Harry wants to go somewhere private. Where he can enjoy this enchanting man's company alone.  
Harry sighs, "Thank you for sending Nick by the way. How did you know we came together? Or we knew each other?"  
Louis turns red, "I didn't! Know you came with Nick I mean, or that y'all know each other...I--um Nick knows everyone. Being a radio host and shit,so...and hey, Niall's your friend? He mentioned it the other day" Louis rushes out changing the subject.  
Harry oblivious to Louis' balant lie and obvious subject change, smiles at Louis before answering, in his defense Louis looked adorable when he blushed, he only paid attention to that and Louis' lips forming words.  
"I've known him since the time I started. He was a little more experienced than me. With some EPs of his own out, he--we kinda latched on to each other. He's the most genuine person I know," Harry says  
"Yeah, I admire that about him. Shall we go to the balcony over there? Do you want to stay here and hangout with these people?”  
"No, I arrived early. I've already spoken to all of them. We can go yeah," Harry nods.  
They make their way towards the balcony outside, not the dining area but the one closer to the exhibits, grabbing two champagnes for themselves. He can feel eyes on them all the way there. Once they're out, they move to the side, away from the doors and out of sight of people. There are a few lounge chairs laid out but Louis chooses to lean his back against the rails. So he stands with his front to the rails two feet away from Louis. He can feel Louis looking and he feels elated. The dark blanket of the night obscures the pink tinge on his dimpled cheeks.

Harry turns towards Louis. The lights behind are yellow and warm. Louis's cheekbones are accentuated by it, shadowing the hollows of his cheeks. His soft copper hair is swept to the side, tendrils all over the place. His eyes, those brilliant eyes resemble the ocean at sunset. He looks down often, to observe his hands, and his eyelashes sweeps over his cheeks every time he blinks. He almost looks bashful but the permanent smirk on his lips says otherwise. It is all too mesmerizing and he can't look away. He won't. Louis looks away first.

“So...Niall,” Harry provides for the sake of breaking the silence that is deafening without being loud, whatever they're both thinking is making them feel flustered.

“Yeah Niall, how and when I met him is another story. Niall and I became close when he refused to date anyone, he was new and needed to get his name out there. His PR team reached out to ours, they asked if we could squeeze in Niall as our opening act.

“But we had already booked another band, you know 5sos?” Harry nods “Yeah, them. But we wanted to help him out. We liked him, and his resilience. The idea was to introduce him to our fan base and then spread from there. We hung out together, most fun I ever had honestly. Then tweeted about him a lot, posted pictures. People started noticing and then it was all him. Him and his music,”

“Wow, that's so generous of you--you guys,” Harry says pleased.

“It was nothing, really. He still feels guilty for sorta using us. But it was nothing like that, we genuinely, truly like him. Like how could I not?” Louis rolls his eyes.

Harry chuckles, “Niall is like that. Cares too much. He took me under his wings until I found my footing. He's just...he’s the best.”

“It's hard staying genuine in the industry when the media and GP loose their shit over a fake story. We give em what they want I guess... Niall's---he's none of that. He's good. He'd be Justin Bieber if he did half the stunts and scandals and had high profile lovers. But he doesn't, and people don't care about pure art,” Louis looks up at the sky. There are no stars. The sky is cloudy. “They want something scandalous to go with it. Niall's all about passion, like Ed. Ed Sheeran. Don't see most of them nowadays. No offense but you don't seem like Niall or Ed either," Louis finishes looking at Harry straight in the eye.  
_Whoa, did he just? Prick_ ! Harry blushes hard, mouth agape. He can't believe Louis just said that. Everyone knows most of his relationships are publicity stunt but no one has ever been so blunt about it. He knows Louis judged him and it makes him angry.  
"I'm sorry I was told it was important for promo!" Harry says defensively.  
"Hey, I'm sorry. That came out wrong. We had to do all that too. I've done my fair share. I'm not pointing fingers or accusing you. I just mean it shouldn't be that way,” Louis says reaching out to Harry who had turned to look at Louis head on. Louis stops before he touches his arm and lets out a breath, looking at a frowning Harry for a few seconds.

“Harry I'm sorry, I just mean, if those God awful stunts are the way to promote the music you slave away making, there's something wrong with the PR team. As an artist, our job is to make music. Good music. It's their job to make it sell, not ours. But it's not like that nowadays,” Louis explains with a lot of hand gestures. Louis leans back against the rails again and looks at Harry earnestly.

“Stunting taints every track you put out. People don't see the hard work and passion behind them sometimes. When artists are not real in real life, the GP presume their music to revolve around the facade and it's wrong and frustrating! It makes me wanna break something. We work hard and cramp as many things as we can into a song, we expect people to think, to dig deep. Not to just think, he was seen with this girl last week, it's definitely about shagging her. But it's just not. It's not about a girl at all. It's about a person trying to fit in or longing for freedom! But people don't see that.  
“And there comes a time when you just don't care! You sing what you want to sing, and let people assume shit. Their loss for being narrow minded so fuck them for thinking we're just pretty boys singing about recent flame. And---Jesus, I should stop,” Louis stops himself shaking his head, looking disoriented. Harry has taken a step back and was  watching Louis, his green eyes wide.

“I went off, I'm sorry. Did I scream? A woman just entered and rushed back inside," Louis looks scandalized at his own outburst.

Harry licks his lip, and brings his blazer closer when a cold breeze blows past them. They stay silent, not saying a word. Not looking at each other. “You're not wrong, you know. I understand, Louis. It's frustrating. I'm painted as a player. I couldn't even flirt without embarrassing myself. But yeah that's what people think, that I get all the girls. It breaks my mum's heart.”

“I'm sorry, Harry. For yelling earlier. It's just... personal experience and it's---”

“It's okay, Louis.”

“No it's not. You didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out at you,” Louis says looking sorry.

The fact that Louis saw him a little like that stings. He wants Louis to talk about him like he talked about Niall. With admiration. He'd have to work to earn it.

“Hey, it's alright. I accept your apology,” he smiles and then sighs, “What sucks is people hate on you for something that is not true. And you can't do anything about it,” Harry says looking away but moving a bit closer to Louis.  
"I know, it took me a long time to embrace the critics and the haters. It's okay. But you will never reach the peak you know you can reach if you keep working to please others. Please yourself first,” Louis says looking at him earnestly.  
"It was a nice speech and all but now all I'm thinking about is sex," Harry says rolling his tongue against his cheek.  
Louis looks confused for a while, thinking back to what he said then barks out a laughter. "You sly dog! Oh my God, Harry."  
Harry looks smug for making Louis laugh. Louis has a carefree laugh that turn heads. It's endearing. His eyes close almost completely because of the force of his amusement. His cheeks pushing his eyelids close. His nose scrunches and corners of his eyes crinkles. He's beautiful when he laughs.  
"So how and when did you meet Niall? Sounds like there's a lot of history that I'm not aware of. How close are you guys?" Harry asks like he has any right, still smiling. He is sick of talking about the leprechaun. But he's the only person they are both friends with, and he's is only willing to play safe tonight.  The tension, though gone now is not forgotten. If Louis looking a little unsure is any indication.  
"Oh Neil, he's Irish." Louis says matter of factly.

  
"You know strangely that answers the question." H says making Louis laugh again.

  
"I know! Okay, I met him at a party. With a guitar.  He was blonde, with that stupid hairstyle everyone was into then. He wasn't big then. But I knew him from a video I watched, it was one of his acoustic.

 

“I purposely called him by incorrect names even though I knew the right one. I teased him about being Beiber/Shereen wannabe. I am almost certain that's bullying and a dick move but hey I was a stupid spoilt kid. Niall was kinda proud about that. He puffed his chest and said ‘ _Thanks, Tommo’_ like we were old pals. The rest is history. We're good friends. I think anyone can call themselves BFFs of Niall of they've spoken to him twice" Louis says.  
"You know him too well. He's mentioned Resurrection in the passing through the years, but I didn't know he was this close."  
"We wrote together, but that didn't make it to the album. We've hung out, yeah. Sometimes, you find yourself in other people's studios or some party and you just click. You know" Louis says dismissively. Harry nods his head, corners of his mouth still up.  
"Oh and he absolutely loves me," Louis turns to him smugly. "I love him too. He laughs at all my jokes. You laugh at my stupid jokes you're my family. That's Tommo principle."  
"So that's what it takes for me to become family huh?," Harry says looking sideways at Louis through his lashes. He takes a sip of his champagne.  
Louis follows his motions with his eye before leaning back without breaking eye contact. He looks at Harry like he's sizing him up. They're flirting. "Yeah...you could say that. That applies to everybody and you're not just everybody. You need to do more than just laugh at my jokes. Well at least I hope---"  
"Yes I'd like that." Harry interjects.  
Louis frowns at him for interrupting for a second before it dawns to him, seeing Harry looking like he wants to take it back.  
"It's the alcohol," he squeaks looking away from Louis.  
Now it's Louis'  to sip his drink. "I will remember that." Louis winks. And chuckles at Harry's reaction. "Maybe we should exchange numbers..." Waits for a bit to gauge Harry's reaction, but Harry just gapes at him like an airhead. "It's okay---I am sorry. I understand if ---"  
Harry recites his number before Louis even finishes his sentence. Louis beams at Harry before pulling his phone out and adding Harry to his contacts.  
Harry covers his face when Louis tries to take a picture.  
"It's for the contact image, sorry." Louis says putting his phone back in his pant pocket without taking a picture.  
"Google for one. This lighting is not good here," he's sure he sounds like a diva.  
"Okay pretty boy, I know the perfect picture." Louis tilts his head and grins. _Pretty boy._  
"What's it? Harry asks interested.  
"Uh-uh not telling ya,” he chuckles.

“Send me a text, I'll save your number. I have a perfect picture for you too,” Harry winks.

“So let us both just admit we Googled each other and even have a favorite picture,” Louis nudges his shoulder with his elbow.

Harry cackles at that, making that inhuman noise he knows he makes sometimes. Louis laughs at his weird laugh. Harry looks away embarrassed, but it's not uncomfortable.

“Let's go inside, it's getting cold,” Louis suggests rubbing his hands together.

“Yeah let's,” they walk inside. Harry is giddy and the butterflies are just tearing up the town inside his stomach. Louis took his number. He Googled him. He even has a favorite picture. He can't stop smiling and when Nick catches his eyes, he smiles wider. Nick shakes his head smiling back fondly.

They go separate ways to have dinner. Louis promises he'd find him later. Harry sits with Nick's friends who he's familiar with. Louis sits far away from him, with some pop stars. Louis catches his eyes once in a while and each time he smiles, Harry smiles back.

“You two know each other?” who Harry assumes is Henrik asks making Harry snap his eyes away from Louis’ table. He's so uncool.

“Uh--yeah. We know each other,” Harry answers and resumes eating.

“He's an arrogant one,” Henry/Henrik? says.

Harry looks up at him questioningly, almost defensive.

Rosie, Nick's coworker laughs, “He's not. That's just how he carries himself. Just 'cause he doesn't take shit from anyone doesn't make him a prick.”

“Besides he has all the right reasons to be,” a woman to his right says winking at a girl at the other end.

Harry wants to pry but he already told them he knew Louis so he couldn't. It's just gossip anyway. “He seems like a nice guy to me,” Harry says placing his silverware facedown on his plate.

“He is, he came down for a radio interview with Liam Payne once. Most fun I had in ages. They're humble, funny and very chill,” Rosie says nodding.

Henrick dude huffs. Harry looks at him. _What's his problem?_ Then he sees the woman to his right who he doesn't remember, because she never introduced herself, wink again at the woman, Lillian? at the other end. Oh...he gets it now. She's trying to make Henry jealous. Harry huffs standing up. _Kids these days._ Harry bids his farewell to his table.

Louis had already left the dining area. He said he'd find him so he's not bothered. Harry finds Nick and says goodbye. Nick asks about Louis for which Harry shakes his head, promising to talk later.

Louis finds him a few minutes. He offers to walk him out when Harry says he's leaving. They take the lift, Louis stands out letting Harry in first. Harry for a wild moment thinks Louis might take him home. But Louis doesn't seem like that kind of person. And he's not sure if he'd say yes. He wants to do this right.

They don't speak, Louis just looks forward, his face relaxed. Harry shifts from one foot to another. He doesn't want the night to end. He wants to asks Louis so many things. Wants to hear him laugh. He wants so much, his hands are shaking with it. That scares him so much. He's feeling too much for some guy he's spoken so little to. Every romance novel he scoffed at are laughing at his face.

When the elevator opens at ground floor Louis tugs at his sleeve and pulls him out.

“Let's sit over there for a while?” Louis asks gesturing towards the back away from the reception. Harry smiles and let's Louis pull at his sleeve and lead him out.

Louis keeps selecting places for them to hang out and he just follows. He feels happy that Louis really wants to spend time with him.

They pass a few people who are lounging in the sofas, their high heels removed. The glass doors slide open automatically. They sit on the stairs away from the glass walls. They're properly hidden from people inside. There's a man-made water-fall to their right and sculptures and trees planted in an organized way.

They sit quietly for a few minutes, before Harry breaks the silence with a question he wishes he could take back as soon as it's out of his mouth.

“Are you gay?" He asks and physically recoils because he didn't mean for it to come out that way.

Louis looks stricken then schools his expression.

“I'm sorry. Please don't answer that. I didn't even drink much tonight. It's just---”

“It's alright Harry,” Louis assures him but says nothing else.

Harry feels like he ruined the moment. They were both enjoying the comfortable silence and Harry's stupid mouth had ruined it. He wants to run and hide. There isn't even a swimming pool in this establishment to drown himself.

Harry's buzzing from discomfort while Louis looks thoughtful. He's is looking at Louis without blinking to see if he offended him. Louis just leans back and props both his elbows on the stairs behind, stretching out his legs. He looks unpresent, like he doesn't realize there's someone sitting right beside him, ramrod straight. That is why it startles Harry when Louis finally speaks.

“What am I doing here? Here, with you of all people? Someone I haven't spoken to until a few weeks ago. What do I want? Does it matter what _I_ want? What do _you_ want?” Louis asks quietly, asks him or himself he doesn't know.

“Louis,” Harry calls him softly.

Louis turns his head to look at him intensely. Harry doesn't dare to blink, “I seeked you out because I liked the impression you made on me the first time we met. I'm here because I knew you'd be here. I'm stretching the night because I don't want to say goodbye yet and wonder when we'd meet again,” Louis shrugs.

And okay. Harry's head is swimming with everything Louis is said. He breathes out slowly. He doesn't know why he's terrified and why he's shaking slightly. But there's something big happening here. This moment feels monumental and he does not want to fuck it up.

“I know you're interested Harry. I'm sorry but you're obvious. And I know you're bisexual...are you?”

“Yes,” Harry nods making his curl fall over the side of his face.

Louis reaches out and tucks that strand behind his ear. Harry freezes, eyes widening. “Yes, I'm gay, Harry.” Louis frowns, he continues, “I'm only 80 percent sure though, but I'm definitely not straight. That work for you?”

Harry nods spell-bound by Louis’ slow raspy voice stringing out the sentences. His heart is pounding loud, very aware of where he is and who he's with.

“Good. I'm still in the closet. Not for long, I assure you...still good?” Louis asks again.

Louis could have been asking anything. The words register in his brain, he knows what they mean but he feels detached. He's too close to Louis, breathing in his perfume. A smell he doesn't recognize. Louis’ eyes are just breathtaking Harry looks nowhere but there. Even Though his lips are distracting him, be forces his eyes to look into those blue ones that look grey in nightlight.

Harry nods and says yes dazed. Louis must know he's totally out of it, he backs away, his fingers slightly grazing Harry's jawline. He shivers and finally allows himself to blink and clears his throat. “Jesus,” he whispers.

“It's either _King_ or _Louis_ ,” Louis provides making Harry laugh. The tension slips away a little and he's able to breathe.

“How long will you be in London?” Louis inquiries smiling.

“Not long. A week maybe. I have an album to finish,” Harry answers.

“A week?” Louis asks unsure.

“Yeah, maybe. I took a break so my schedule is pretty much free,” Harry lies. He has no idea what's in there. He has a lunch date with Jeff about some promotion shit that he could easily cancel.

“Great! I'll text you,” Louis says a little excited. Harry can't help but feel elated at that. Louis likes him and he's excited to meet him again. He's jerking off to this news alone.

Harry straightens up and Louis follows. Louis stands on the stair above the one he's standing so they're the same height. Harry looks up and down and smirks. Louis narrows his eyes at him.

“You know what? I don't like your smug face anymore. I'm deleting your number right now,” Louis reaches for his pockets clearly annoyed.

“No! Don't” he laughs, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Won't do it again.”

Louis dramatically types something in his phone and looks up at him, “I sent you a message... aren't you gonna see it?” Louis demands.

Harry huffs and pulls his own phone out to check for new messages. There's one from a new number that says 'daddy’. Harry squawks like a parrot at that, he's a special child with a special laugh. Louis grins and gives him time to recover. Harry laughs till his sides ache because he can't believe this man. They went from comfortable to uncomfortable to tense to making plans to laughing uncontrollably. It's mostly his nerves.

Harry saves his number deliberately showing Louis as he saves it as “Shortcake”. Louis kicks him in his shin and that actually hurt. _The short minx._

“I can't go out with someone abusive,” Harry says rubbing his shin. _Oops?_

“I'm sorry I'm used to kicking Zayn, Liam and just anyone. Won't do it again,” he smiles.

_Okay so we are ignoring the slip. Cool._

“I was kidding,” Harry rolls his eyes.

“Change the contact name or you will feel my wrath,” Louis threatens which looks adorable. Harry almost coos.

“Okay, okay gosh you're so demanding,” Harry changes the the name to just 'Louis’ and shows him. Louis nods like a soldier, making Harry laugh. He's doesn't have to do much to have him laughing apparently.

“What did you save me as?” Harry demands raising an eyebrow.

“Jerk off material,” Louis answers dismissively, without missing a beat.

“Whoa, I don't feel objectified at all,” Harry deadpans.

Louis chuckles and looks away. They enjoy the comfort of the silence and the dark.

“This is nice. Thank you for tonight,” Harry says.

“I didn't even put out yet, you're already grateful,” Louis teases pulling another laughter out of him.

When they go their separate ways that night, Harry is confident they'd meet again. They didn't even talk about it but he feels like they are on the same page. And he does not know if he's comfortable with Louis still being in the closet but he'd try for him. Louis...Harry thinks he's worth it.

He's smiling when he drives home, dances his way to bed, closes his eyes smiling contented. All those songs he wrote about finding someone, he thinks he's finally found him. He drifts off composing a song about what he's feeling right this moment, about blue eyes and swimming in them. It seems like Louis is always on his mind when he wakes and and still lingering there when he goes to sleep.

 

His dreams have never been sweeter.

 

**Present**

 

Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?  
How did I lose it when I was right there?  
Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces  
Tell me why the world never fights fair  
I'm trying to find

Home  
A place where I can go  
To take this off my shoulders  
Someone take me home

**Machine Gun Kelly - Home**

 

Harry wakes up in cold sweat, heart pounding against his ribs. He closes his eyes tight and tries to slow his breathing. _It's just a dream. Just a dream._ He's shaking badly.

 

It was him and Louis in the dream, Louis was holding him, Harry's back to his chest. It was a beach, they were watching the waves roll. Harry's hair blowing with the soft breeze.

Louis pressed his lips into his curls and breathed in. Kissed his temple gently. Once, twice…it was a pleasant dream, that made his heart clench even while sleeping.

Harry turned to see Louis, but Louis was no longer there holding him. Harry looked around panicking. Suddenly the scene changes and Louis was hugging Harry's knees. He was sobbing. All of Harry's instincts screamed at him to touch Louis. Reassure him. But he doesn't move. He couldn't, no matter how hard he tried. He screamed and screamed with effort to touch Louis. But he was frozen as a stick, like that day. Harry knew how it ends and he doesn't want to see. Harry closed his eyes. When he blinked his eyes open he was in the beach again. Still stupefied on spot, he watched Louis being carried away by strong scary tides. Louis shouted for his help everytime he emerged.

Harry could do nothing but watch and cry as the man he once loved was being drowned.

 

The sobs start again. Harry cries his heart out hugging his knees. _I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I did the right thing._ A mantra he's been religiously muttering inside to make this sense of guilt go away.

Harry pads down the stairs to the liquor cabinet and stops. He's not going to drink this away. He will not let Louis make him an alcoholic too. He wipes his eyes and guzzles down a glass of water, looking at the Hollywood mountain illuminated by weak light.

He calls his mother. It must be 10 in the morning in England.  Anne picks up at the third ring.

“Hello, love. How are you?” she asks brightly, making Harry swallow.

“I am good, how are you?”

“I'm great. I miss you, you should come visit soon. Why'd you call baby?” his Anne inquires.

“I--i don't need anything. Just missed you.”

“What are you doing awake so late at night?” Harry pictures her frowning.

“I just woke up. Needed to wee,” Harry doesn't know what else to say or why he called.

“Where's Louis? Haven't heard from him in ages. Last I spoke it was backstage in his tour. Jo doesn't phone much either--”

“Mum--”

“We used to talk all the time. Everyone is busy these days. Gemma hardly ever calls. I spoke to Lottie in Instagram the other day. She didn't say much--”

“Mum! Louis is not here,” Harry interrupts her. He couldn't take it. He was too afraid to break the news to her but now he wants to. He wants someone to hold him. Tell him it's going to be okay.

“Is he in London then? I thought the last gigs were in America,” mom says confused.

“They are. Three more. But Louis isn't here,” Harry says trying to come up with a way to tell her he and Louis broke up weeks ago.

“When is he coming back?”

“He isn't. He's not coming back,” Harry inhales and exhales slowly, “Mum I need to tell you something.”

“What is it baby, are you alright?”

“No,” Harry chokes, “I'm far from alright mummy. “

“Harry, you're scaring me. Honey, what's wrong? Tell me,” mom pleads worried.

“We broke up. We broke up last month. He's---he’s--it’s over Mum. It was--,” Harry sobs unable to hold back.

“Oh Harry. Don't cry, please. Why'd you break up with _Louis_?” Mom asks confused.

“I can't mum. It---It hurts. So much. He-- he hurt me,” Harry stammers out in between sobs holding his phone tight.

“Calm down Harry. Where are you? Go sit somewhere. My poor boy, it's going to be alright,” his mom says sounding like she is crying herself. “Louis will be back. Back to say sorry for whatever he did. Harry take deep breaths.”

That's what makes him fall to his knees and cry ugly tears. Because he just told _his mum_ that Louis hurt him, she reassures him he'd be back with an apology. He told her Louis had _hurt_ him. That's how much she trusts Louis. _He fooled us all._

“Harry, you're really scaring me. What happened? No, we can talk about it later. Now you need to calm down. Breathe in and out slowly. I'm going to hit Louis with my leather handbag when I see him again,”

Harry feels bad, so he does what his mom asked. Breathe in and out slowly. All the while his mom whispers heartening words.

Harry starts to talk when he believes he is somewhat okay.

“It's been a lie the whole time. He faked it mum. Our relationship,” Harry says resenting.

“I don't understand Harry. What do you mean?”

“It was all a publicity stunt. Almost two years mum. He promised me. I knew he was hiding things. But this? He used me to make his coming out easy. I can't believe--”

“There must have been a misunderstanding. Louis? Our Louis?”

“He's not ours. Never was never will be,” Harry spit bitterly. “I couldn't believe it too, until I saw the proof myself. I saw them and I didn't---” Harry's voice breaks. He cries silently not wanting his mom to hear.

“Oh Harry. When did this happen?”

“Couple months ago,” Harry squeezes his eyes shut and rests his head against the pantry cupboard.

“That's so long, why didn't you tell me? You know you could tell me anything,” Anne says hurt.

“I know, I'm sorry. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to. It felt quiet scary. I told him I loved him. I can't believe...I still can't.”

“Harry, come home. Come home let's talk about this. Come home so I can hold you. I'm so sorry, baby. Please...just come home,” she begs.

“Okay,” Harry says wetly. Going home is a good idea. There's Louis everywhere here.

“I love you. I love you so much, don't you forget that,” she says firmly.

“I won't. Don't call Louis. Or Jo, or anyone. Don't tell anyone. I don't think Louis told anyone, yet. I don't---” harry just can't seem to stop these tears that keeps flowing down his cheeks.

“I won't. I won't, Harry. I can't belie--- you know what? Let's talk when you get here. Get on the earliest flight and come home to me.”

Home. Okay, home.

She finally hangs up after five more minutes of Harry apologizing for disturbing her and her telling him she is his mother and he'd never be a disturbance.

Harry thought telling her would ease the pain in his heart. It hadn't. The weight of keeping everything inside certainly has reduced.

Harry thinks about what he'd tell her, how much does he wants his mom to know, and if Jo knows. He loves that woman like his own mother. He can't bear the thought of not seeing her. Seeing them, Louis' whole family had somehow become his too. He wonders again if he made the right choice.

But he knows it's the right one. His stupid heart wants him to live a lie. It tells him he should have bit his tongue and taken the scraps of false caring Louis threw his way. No, he's had enough.

He's going to miss them. He wonders what Louis would tell his family and if he already did. He won't tell them the truth, surely. Harry hates him.

Harry books a flight to take him _home._ Home. Harry huffs. He's going to _Cheshire_.

 

Where things were simple and there weren't any pricks manipulating people into believing a lie.

He hopes the sky is cloudy in England. So the blue sky won't remind him of the blue eyes he knows intimately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So?!? What do you think?  
> Let me know if you encountered any mistakes. And sorry about the whole Launch party thing. I don't know how they usually work or if there's a feast thrown along with a launch haha. But just go with it.  
> And y'all know about what Lanuch I'm talking about and all about the white shirt with black splotches.


	4. Chapter Four

**Past**

_It's my world that I want to have a little_  
_pride in_  
_My world and it's not a place I have to hide in_  
_Life's not worth a damn_  
_Until you can say I am what I am_  
  
_I am what I am_  
_I don't want praise, I don't want pity_  
_I bang my own drum_  
_Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty_  
  
_It's one life and there's no return and no deposit_  
_One life. So it's time to open up your closet_  
_Life's not worth a damn_ _  
_ Until you can shout out, I am what I am

**_I Am What I Am - Gloria Gaynor_ ** ****

Harry wakes up on his birthday like every other day. Which is ridiculously early. The sun isn't even out yet, but that's the start of the day for Harry. Harry's seen more sunrises than a normal 22 year old. Sometimes he hates himself for getting used to this healthy routine. But he doesn't remember a time before.  
He's excited especially for this year's birthday out of every other, it's not just because he's turning 22, it's because of this feeling in his lower abdomen, that's screamig _"It's your year Harry! All your's."_  
He vaguely remembers thinking the same thing last year and year before that one. But those times he felt the feeling in his sides, not lower abdomen. It's universally known you only trust your bowel instincts.

  
He put his phone on silent the night before knowing he'd get calls when midnight strikes. He was right. Missed calls from his close friends in England and many text messages from people all around the world. He's pleased his family and friends back in home had made an effort to call him at midnight LA time. He feels quiet guilty for ignoring them. He spends quite a long time answering some of them. He can always thank the others tomorrow.

  
Technically he should be busy recording and writing in the studio from October to end of February. But he'd completed ninety percent of the work and the singles are polished to perfection. He'd taken a break to go to the _Brits_ and decided to stretch the holidays a bit. He'd be in tight schedule in two days so it's important that he enjoys his time. Recording with his team is fun but at the end of the day it's work and it's taxing.  
He puts on the a light pink shirt over a white T-shirt and blue jeans after shower, regretfully skipping morning work out. His birthday clothes are for tonight, he's been invited to a restaurant opening in LA. Call him boring, honestly he doesn't care anymore.

The morning light filtering through the blinds hits every surface. It won't be harsh light till noon so Harry walks to the French doors of the balcony to enjoy the soft light. _Vitamin D is delicious._  He has too much time in his hands since he woke up early only to skip working out. He taps his foot at the door frame going over his mental itinerary for the day.

  
He wishes he was back in _England_ . He would have spent it with his family. Maybe baked a cake with mum. Lied on couch all day or gone to a pub with friends. Gemma would have come from Manchester to celebrate his birthday. He could just let go when he's in his home ground. Eventhough _LA_ has been his home for a long while now there's nothing like the security of the place you were born in. It gets lonely here because he avoids spending much time with his own friends fearing tabloid rumors that haunt him where ever he goes. He doesn't wish them upon his peers, thank you very much.

  
He sighs wishing for someone to spend his birthdays with. All his songs talk about this very thing. _Finding someone._ He desperately wants to fall in love and be really disgusting about it. It had been hard to write the third album since all his inspiration comes from his pathetic need for a significant other. He couldn't do that with this one because his last two albums has had five songs about just that.  
Well he is here now and this is how he's going to spend it. _Alone_ .  
He thinks about Louis. He wonders if Louis would be a good boyfriend. Would he have spent his birthday with him? Surprise him with something silly and take him out or spend the day inside, and cuddle in the couch. His heart flutters at the thought.

Man does he wants to know more about him. But Louis had not contacted him after that night even though he told him he would. Harry hasn't tried either. But he had stayed one more day than planned in London before flying to LA waiting for Louis'Louis. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed.

It's silly of him to expect Louis to be hung up on him like he is. Sure, Louis seemed genuinely interested in him and quite excited at the prospect of them meeting again, but Louis was probably busy. He's a popstar for fuck's sake. It must have slipped his mind.  
He's just hung up on Gemma who had surprised him with a call when he gets a call from Nick. She'd taken time away from work just to wish him happy birthday. He was touched by this small gesture but he had to hang up on her because she had made rude comments about how he chose to spend this special day.  
He walks in further into the balcony and faces the Hollywood hill and leans against the rails. It's after ten now but it must be evening back in London. He already answered Nick's text message and has no idea why he's getting a call too.

  
"Hey Nick, you didn't fly over here to see the birthday boy?" Harry asks teasingly.  
"I'm not spending good money for you, I'm not sorry. Happy birthday have a good life, live longer than me and go bald by 25," Nick rushes the sentence so fast Harry hardly catches any of them, "Was it because of you?" he inquires clearly, tone serious.  
Harry frowns confused, "What is "it"? And what am I the cause for? And that's not a very good birthday wish you kn--"  
"Louis came out."  
_Whoa what?_ "Whoa! What? Louis?" Harry asks sobering up.  
"Yes. The Louis Tomlinson for you. But yeah. It's crazy," Nick says like he was shaking his head when he said that.  
"I--what? Louis---Louis? Tomlinson? He no-- he came out?" And apparently Harry forgot how to English.  
"It's crazy! Biggest scandal in England right now I'm sure. He did it in such a _Louis_ way I'm strangely endeared and surprised. I didn't think he would honestly. Thought his management team was all--- it doesn't matter. I was just finishing up at work here, it was a slow day. Man I hate Mondays. Anyway I got---"  
"Nick stop. How did he come out? Like when?I don't understand. How?" Harry asks cutting him off impatiently. He walks back into the house and paces in the living room pulling at his lips.

"He fucking tweeted! Like as if it's one of my Good morning tweets with a lot of Gs!" Nick exclaims, like he can't believe Louis did that.  
"He spelled 'gay' with a lot of Gs?" Harry asks confused and frustrated with Nick. Doesn't this guy understand he just dropped a bomb and he's evading it without letting it fucking blow in his face.  
"Yes six! Are you serious? Gosh! Did you say something at the party? Was it because of you?” Nick asks exasperated and curious.  
"Me? Of course not. He barely even knows me. This is all too much. I need to check Twitter myself. You are very bad at this by the way. You're a radio host for fuck's sake! Louis did say he's planning on coming out but I didn't expect---Nick, I'll text you? I need to see for myself. I'm shaking. Why am I shaking?" Harry hangs up before Nick can say anything.

  
Louis came out. At 24. It's huge. He remembers how he came out. He still shudders at the memory. He had been so afraid of coming out although he was confident his family would love him no matter what. He's been afraid of the knowledge itself. That if he tells the world he won't be normal anymore. He had nightmares for months of people looking at him with disgust, his parents abandoning him. His friends whispering in the school halls. He'd been 15 and very clearly attracted to both genders. He remembers thinking he could fall in love with a girl and marry her so he'd never have to think about him being not hetero. But it was hard when guys made you hard too. The secrets he was keeping were smothering you. So he'd come out to his sister and had a panic attack right after.

Gemma had been cool about it. His mom had been so supportive even though she didn't understand it. She said she was old fashioned but for him she'd learn.  
He regretted ever telling her when she took him to this support group you go with your parents to talk about sexuality and what not. It had been awkward sitting with strangers talking about it. They went for about two sessions before stopping. It _had_ kinda helped though.

  
He was a nobody then he can't imagine being in the closet and coming out after becoming this famous. Louis must be shitting his pants if he's anything like Harry.  
Louis has been Britain's sweet heart since he was eighteen. He'd be devastated when the same people who cheered for him, turn against him. Harry hopes he doesn't pay any attention to the homophobes. It had taken Harry some time but he'd gotten there.

  
Louis to him doesn't feel like a person who hides who he is. His spirit too wild. He's surprised it took Louis so long.  
He is shaken out of his thoughts when his phone vibrates with a text from Nick.  
**_He stole your thunder. He's taken over the trends. Your birthday isn't even trending._**

Like harry gives a fuck anymore.

Harry logs into his Twitter and checks what's trending.  
1\. Louis Tomlinson  
2\. #proudoflouis  
4\. Resurrection  
5\. GayPride  
  
_Wow_. He has taken over Twitter alright.  
Harry fills a glass of water in the kitchen and sits at the island stool before typing in Louis and his user name pops up. He feels his breakfast moving inside his stomach. Harry squeezes his eyes before tapping on the name. He doesn't know why he cares so much about a literal stranger until a few weeks ago coming out but he just is. Louis didn't even call like he promised. _He promised didn't he?_

The pinned tweet is about some charity, Harry scrolls down and reads Louis' latest tweet. And Harry reads again. And again. And again just to make sure and starts laughing. It's partly because he was so nervous but mostly because of the tweet itself.  
  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** :  
_I'm gay. And no, that's not the reason for global warming. So chill out yeah ?_  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** to **@Louis_Tomlinson** :  
_Goodnight everyone. Sweet dreams_.  
  
That's so Louis. He doesn't know much about Louis but this is so him. Harry is endeared too.  
He's smiling while scrolling down. He only sees positive feedback. So far so good. His fans are lovely.  
The trends must have some mean shit he's sure. And….yes there is. All about Jesus Christ and heaven and hell. How he should die before spreading his disease, like what the fuck? He's had enough of this.

  
Harry is tempted to reply. To say something supportive but he's not sure how it'll be received. So, he tweets nothing.  
He pulls out Louis' number from his phone to say something. His fingers hover over the screen, eyebrows creased. He can't think of anything that would stand out. He thinks of sending  
_"Knock knock_ _  
__Who is it?_ _  
__Gay._ _  
__Gay who?_ _  
__Gay You"_ but it would be insensitive. Even he isn't that stupid.  
"Proud of you, Louis. Stay strong." Maybe? That sounds like something a fan would say.

He also wants to ask Louis if he's 100 percent sure he's gay but refrains from it. _The things his stupid brain provides, my God!_  
Louis would like to see some normalcy in this shitstorm so he finally settles on something flirty but gets the message across-ish text.  
He copies what he wrote in the notepad app and pastes it onto the message app.  
**_Proud of you, Louis. Stay strong. I'm single by the way. I hope you live a very gay life._ **  
He presses send. What? He can't help it. The pun was begging for it.  
\------  
  
He asks Jeff about possibly dating Louis at the party that night. Jeff says it's a good career move? And what?  
The last thing he's thinking when he's around Louis is his career.  
When Harry says he's kinda serious this time and he wants to know the pros and cons of dating Louis. His birthday just gets better because the pros out weighs the cons. Jeff assures Harry it's no big deal if Harry starts dating Louis in a month or so. Immediately dating would set off rumors about Harry turning Louis gay and shit. _So wait huh, yeah he can do that!_

  
Louis doesn't tweet anything or show up outside for two days after he came out so suddenly. But there's been a lot of love from celebrities and others for Louis. Harry hasn't been able to concentrate on writing his music because he's too caught up in all this.

  
And he's also feeling rejected because Louis hasn't replied to his text. He knew he shouldn't have been so forward. He was so embarrassing.  
_Louis literally just came out and you invited him to bed. What the fuck is wrong with you?_  
Louis finally breaks his 48 hours silence. The fans who have been funtioning solely on energy drinks for the past two days almost pass out.  
  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** :  
_Everyday I wake up overwhelmed I have so many people who have my back. Thank you so much for everything. Legends !_  
  
Louis also shares a message on all his social medias. The internet breaks again.  
  
**_Everyone who supported me and will support me in the future, thank you so much. I thought it was time I came out. I needed time to get used to that part of myself._ ** ****_  
_ **_I needed to get comfortable with this and my life has been a rollercoaster ride these past years and I knew going public would be a big deal. I can't expect the world to accept me before I ever did. So yeah I took my time._ ** ****_  
_ **_It's because I put a lot of trust in you guys that gave me the courage to finally come out and you all didn't let me down._ ** ****_  
_ **_I think highly of you all. I hope you know that._ ** ****_  
_ **_Thank you, everybody who inspired me to take this step._ ** ****_  
_ **_Zayn of course, man thank you for being my rock. And Liam, for making sure I knew you'd love me no matter what. "You're gay. Not an active nuke. See? The world didn't end. Calm the fuck down. Let's face what comes together bro," you said. Somehow that was the right thing. Thanks for that. And my family for supporting me through everything. I love them for that._ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Big love to everyone._**

_  
_ Zayn and Liam posted their responses too. Full of love and absolutely supportive.  
Louis had some words for his haters too. And Harry thinks Louis nailed it. Louis killed them with kindness.  
  
_**For the people who are offended by my coming out. I'm sorry you feel that way, I guess. If it's because you're homophobic, then educate yourself. At the end of the day, we are all human. Let's learn to love each other.**_ ** _  
__Like someone great once sang, if we give a little love maybe we could change the world_.**

  
  
The _Ariana Grande_ lyric did the deed. Ariana herself responded with applause emojis. Ariana's fans then teamed up with Louis'  to defend Louis from haters.  
Lady Gaga retweeting Louis' tweet had been big. That kinda sealed the deal and everyone accepted and support Louis.  
But it is also a shitstorm. The fans sending death threats to Louis' label and management.  Fighting with anyone who has anything negative to say about Louis. It's messy and the media can talk about nothing else. Louis had words for that too.  
  
@Louis_Tomlinson:  
_Don't fight people on my behalf. Educate them. Let's hope they understand that everyone is equal and their race, religion or sexuality doesn't make them any less than the next person._  
  
Louis even responded to a hater and Harry almost came.

**@gabrieljrwho** :  
_Ppl of the same gender can't fall in love.That's disgusting. U will never have what my wife and I have. Or love like we do. Stop this_ @Louis_Tomlinson  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** to **@gabrieljrwho** :  
_Well, good for you. I hope you have a good life. And as for me I'm going to live by my own words, "You love who you love there ain't no other way."_  
  
And Harry's absolute favorite of the day that Louis posted a few hours later.

  
**@Louis_Tomlinson** :  
_P.S I'm not in love. Quit it you guys. And no, stop suggesting people for me to "Court". What even ! Haha Good night._  
  
He's almost asleep when he finally gets a text from Louis he falls over himself to open. He grins wider than Cheshire cat.  
**_Thank you , Harry. And I'm single too. Would you look at that ! It's almost like the universe is trying to say something. Good bi for now._ **

  
_Yes! He's indulging my weird pun obsession. Match made in heaven!_  
  
Oh no he cannot WAIT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter only has the Past, I'm sorry. And it is also quite small.  
> I promise the next chapter is longer. <3


	5. Chapter Five

**_Past_**

_I hung up the phone tonight_  
_Something happened for the first time_  
_Deep inside it was a rush_  
_What a rush_  
_'Cause the possibility_  
_That you would ever feel the same way about me_  
_It's just too much_  
_Just too much_  
_Why do I keep running from the truth?_  
_All I ever think about is you_  
_You got me hypnotized_  
_So mesmerized_  
_And I've just got to know_  
_Do you ever think_  
_When you're all alone_  
_All that we could be?_  
_Where this thing could go?_  
_Am I crazy or falling in love?_  
_Is it real or just another crush?_  
_'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away_  
_But I know this crush ain't going away_ ****__  
**_  
_ ** ****_Crush - David Archuleta_

 

_Louis called._ Harry shakes his head.

Harry checks his reflection for the fortieth time. He's wearing skinny jeans and a black shirt with white polka dots, sleeves rolled up to show his tattoos. He messes with his hair again, and everytime he sets a curls right another seems to be askew. He sighs, this will have to do, it's not even a date.

Harry hadn't been expecting it when Louis had called a few days ago requesting to meet him. He had specifically told him it wasn't a date, as if Harry would assume something like that. Louis was right to tell him that because Harry _did_ assume it was a date and got too excited and disappointed. Maybe Louis doesn't feel the same way as he does.

Louis was in LA , Harry had suggested they meet at a private restaurant, so they won't be spotted.

The restaurant only opens at night but the owner had asked him to feel free to ask him on any favor, so he had. Louis had been grateful.They decide to meet at 10 O’clock for coffee.

Now he's fifteen minutes away from meeting him and he's nerves are making him too self-conscious. He keeps tugging at his curls while driving, hee's mentally preparing himself for anything Louis might say.

Harry finds Louis inside the restaurant when he arrives, sitting at a table away from the windows. He's taking to Jacques, the owner of the place.

Louis is wearing a crimson jumper over a checked  shirt and dark blue jeans. He reminds him of Bill Gates but younger and way more hotter. He looks like a pretentious rich douche. His hair messy hair and the animated way  he's talking, deceives the look.

He stands up when he spots Harry standing by the door like a clueless idiot. They're the only ones here, as Harry requested. Jacques nods at him before leaving them alone.

“Hey,” Harry greets. He doesn't know if he should offer to shake his hand or not so, he doesn't.

“Hello, Harry. Sit?” Louis gestures at the chair.

They both smile at each other and settle. The table is round and the two chairs are placed across from each other. The diameter of the chair is not very wide, Harry could grab Louis’ hand if he wanted to. He wouldn't.

A waitress arrives before they start talking. Harry smiles at her apologetically, he's the reason for her working in the morning. Louis orders a cup of English tea and a croissant. Harry orders a large coffee and two chocolate chip muffins. Jacques and promised him baked goods.

“So…” Louis starts.

“So…” Harry repeats.

“Thanks for agreeing to meet me,” Louis says.

“It's alright, I wanted to see you again anyway,” harry

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay Good,” Louis smiles wide nodding.

“What are you doing here in LA?” Harry inquires.

“Got a few writing sessions,” Louis answers and smiles politely, “Your album done?”

“Yeah, it's done and ready. I'm releasing a single this April. _Confidential information_.” Harry winks.

“Looking forward to it then,” Louis smiles.

“You listen to my songs?,” Harry asks awed.

“Yup, first album’s my favorite,” Louis answers casually.

Harry can't believe his ears. Louis has listened to his albums and even likes them. He flushes, he hasn't listened to any of Resurrection album, just the singles. He was never intrigued, he just assumed their music must be for younger audience. Of course it's not true, he tells everyone music has no age, but he's done the same thing. He feels ashamed. If Harry can freeze everything but himself and pull his iPod and give a quick listen to all their albums he would. Louis is waiting patiently for his response.

“I---uh---thank you. Thank you for listening band liking them. Yes, first album is my favorite too. You know I've been writing lyrics since I was a kid, I had too much thoughts to put on paper. Then when the music deal came, I put all of those lyrics and more into the album. I didn't think I had a chance, so I tried to put all that I needed to say in one album before I flop hard. And then I didn't, which I'm very thankful for. But I felt secure after the first one so I took my time with the second one. And people like it. You like it. Thank you for listening and liking. And listening. Thank you,” Harry wills himself to stop rambling.

Louis has his hand fisted on his right cheek fondly listening to him talk and that fries his brain. Louis smiles at Harry's discomfort with glee.

“It's alright,” Louis says chuckling a bit. It's a small breath of laughter. Harry likes being in the receiving end of it.

Louis turns towards where the waitress disappeared. Harry's skin is buzzing with something, some weird electricity, it's euphoric. But it's making it harder for him to hold eye contact with Louis, he's constantly looking down, breaking Louis’ intense soft stare. It's been so long he had forgotten what it's like to have a crush. He can't wrap his mind around the fact that he's sitting across Louis, on a non-date initiated by Louis himself.

He wants to know how Louis is doing since he came out. If he can offer him help in anyway to make the situation better, he would. Coming out can be tough, people shouldn't have to go through it alone.

“How have you been holding up?” Harry asks, broaching the subject tentatively. Louis turns around to face Harry again, his eyes widen a little.

“Oh, I've been doing good actually. I...it wasn't the end the world so it is good. Better than I expected.  I've been waiting for a long time to do this I don't give a fuck about what people are saying anymore. But the support has been amazing,” Louis answers fidgeting a little.

“I'm glad. You can talk to me, just... letting you know,” Harry offers smiling kindly.

Louis just looks at him a few seconds before nodding his gratitude.

The waitress arrives with their order and places them on the table.

“Thanks, love,” Louis says making her blush. She scuffles off to where she came from,there's a skip in her steps. Maybe he should not feel overly guilty, she doesn't seem to mind working. He hopes she doesn't ramble online about this, Jacques had promised him discretion.

“Louis…,” Louis looks up and Harry trails off unsure. He only decides to ask because Louis looks earnest, “You told me you were only eighty percent sure you were gay...but your tweet…”

“Ahh yeah...ummm...,” Louis says like it now occurred to him and looks around uncomfortable.

“You don't have to say--”

“No, it's alright. Let me taste the tea first,” Louis reaches for the cup and takes a tentative sip to see if it's too hot. It's not, he takes a bigger sip and nods appreciatively.

“Good?” Harry inquires.

“Yes, it is. I like this place,” Louis gestures at the surrounding tables. It looks cozy now, but it appears fancy in the evening, lit up by candles.

“They opened it on my birthday actually, or the day you came out. Many good things that day. They open at night but I'm an exception,” Harry says smug.

Louis rolls his eyes smiling, “Okay almighty Harry. You know, I have plenty of strings I can pull if I want to, too.”

“I'm sure,” Harry sips his coffee without thinking about the heat and almost spits it out.

“Careful, love,” Louis exclaims. _Careful, love. Love._ It's somehow different from when he called the waitress that or his brain wants him to think that, knowing his brain, he won't put it past it.

Harry dabs his mouth with a tissue blushing an anime level of blush.

They both sip their beverages in silence, smiling at each other like idiots once in a while. This is surreal to Harry, to have Louis Tomlinson, who looked untouchable at all times sitting across from him, sipping his English tea, looking like royalty in that douchebag sweater. He wonders if he shouldn't have asked the percentage question.

It's a while before Louis starts to talk and Harry hangs by his every word.

“Ok rewind, I'm fifteen, living in Doncaster, the prime of my life. I am the class clown and I go by Tommo. Too tall for my age, taller than anybody in class, mind you. An absolute piece of shit and I play football,” Louis leans in front to snag a muffin from the tray. “I am the very first of my mates to get a girlfriend. Literally everyone my pubescent self knows were straight. Didn't even know what LGBTQ stood for. I am the lead singer of a band waiting for someone to notice me, playing at social events, sending demo discs to random places. Everything was great. A perfectly normal kid with big dreams. But see, I had a secret. I liked my fit neighbor, Shane Michaelson. I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I felt. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss him and I wasn't supposed to feel like that. So I ignored it as much as possible, I did so much shit to prove my libido wrong for so long. Then X-factor happened. Shane and the anxiety he gave me long forgotten.

“Fast forward, I am 20. I’ve grown a few inches. I am touring around the globe, performing at the biggest arenas in the world. Got a girlfriend I can't connect with. My best friend comes out to me and I freak out. I tell him I might not be totally hetero and freak out more. I run off to Fiji for a while to process everything.

“Oh and process I do. I convince myself I'm bisexual even though deep down I know I don't find women as sexually attractive as I find men. I break my girlfriend's heart. I will later have a fake girlfriend who will last for a few years. I will have many moments in the future that I'd want to come out but I won't go through with it because of various reasons. That's a whole lot of fuckery for another day.

 

“And then and then and then, here I am the same height as I was at twenty. Finally out as a gay man to the world. Feeling free and weightless.  Sitting in a cafe smelling of fresh brew and pastries, spilling my guts to a man I wanna ask on a date,” Louis ends cheekily.

“Wow, I don't know if your being smooth but that was smooth in my book,” Harry says nodding with amused admiration. He's elated at Louis’ revelation and feels his limbs go limp. He also wants to Google this Michelson guy.

Louis chuckles lightly before continuing, “I said I was only eighty percent sure because acting straight was what I've been doing all my life. If being bisexual or pan or anything kept me as close  to being straight, I was willing to take it. But it felt wrong and it's a lie as well,” he bites into Harry's muffin, chews and swallows. All the while Harry waits patiently. Harry also wants to point out that it's his cake, but he isn't sure if he should.

“I told myself I was coming out because I wanted to be true to myself and just everyone. Saying I'm anything but what I am again because I'm too much of a coward didn't sit well with me. I accepted to myself that I'm gay a while ago, it was the most bittersweet pill to swallow. Zayn helped me. My family did too. It was all the support I depended on that helped me take the final step. I could have done this years ago. Do I wish I had? Yes. Do I regret it? No. It wasn't exactly in my control. I had to keep my sexuality private to prevent major lawsuits. Story for another time as well. There, that's my story.” Louis breathes. And leans back against his chair and observes Harry's reaction.

 

Harry didn't expect this much honesty from Louis today, or any time soon. He's being too open and it's making Harry feel all kinds of things. He feels privileged and honored. He feels happy Louis wants to date him. He's also slightly scared and feels as if he owes Louis his story too. His heart is unsteady and his palms are sweaty, Harry thanks his lucky stars for helping him look cool and collected outward.

 

“Thank you for telling me, Louis. I really think it's brave of you to come out like that. It was epic by the way. I wouldn't have been able to pull it off. It doesn't matter if you came out at 5 or 50, you're free as long as you make that choice. You are only truly ever free if you live by your own rules. Your an inspiration to a lot people. You should be proud.”

Louis smiles wide, “I am, Harry. And thank you. I---nothing. Thank you,” Louis laughs a little shaking his head.

“So...what's _your_ story?” Louis asks sipping his tea.

“Well, I was fourteen or fifteen when I knew I was anything but straight. I did a lot if researches in the library, I was too scared to do it at home. And I just knew I was bisexual. I liked them both, boys and girls. I was so stressed out about it. I've seen people getting shoved in school for even being gay. I felt as if people could see right through me and they knew I was weird. I didn't have anyone to talk to. It was a stressful time, and I didn't like lying to my mom. I was failing classes and losing weight. My mom encouraged me to talk, she begged me, I  think she was scared,” Harry says relaxing more. His story is easy to tell.

“I came out to my sister first and then my mother. She's a saint. She didn't understand it at first, we went to a support group thing couple times, she read a lot of books on this very subject to help herself understand,” Harry sighs happily, his eyes light up as he looks into Louis’ eyes. “I remember feeling so light after I confessed. I came out to everyone the next year. I only stuck to dating girls while I was schooling even though people knew. Dating girls was safe. I didn't do much with guys until I was eighteen.

“When I got signed I made sure they knew I wasn't willing to be in the closet. They were wary but they agreed. I once dated a guy after my name started getting popular and got a lot of hate. It frightened me, I learned how cruel people can be. It was a hard time. It was only high profile female models from then. Those scandals were easier to deal with than  gay scandals. Most of them were set up by my team for mutual publicity,” Harry admits sheepishly. Louis nods and smiles in understanding. Harry watches Louis for anything negative but finds none.

“You've handled the whole think way better than me at only 15. It's smart that you laid everything on the table before signing. I'm proud of you too,” Louis praises.

 

“Thank you but we are all not the same. We have our own ways of handling stuff. It wasn't easy but  I am no longer bothered about what the public thinks about me. I am willing to date anyone I like regardless of their gender. Screw the world, right? And...know anyone you can set me up with?” Harry asks teasingly, sipping his coffee.

That mischievous glint in Louis’ eyes returns. “I think you've been set up with enough dates to last a lifetime. How about you go get what you want yourself?” Louis raises an eyebrow and holy fuck that's hot. Harry's cheeks heat up Louis grins when he notices.

“Well, I--uh--I guess you're right. Well then---" Harry stutters not knowing how to ask.,

“Wait! I want to be the one to ask so, zip it,” Louis warns.

Harry laughs at Louis’ silliness.

From then the conversation flows easily. Harry talks about his upcoming album and the single. Louis tells him about Zayn and Liam and Resurrection albums. He tells him the first two albums of the five were not his favorite because they didn't write it themselves. The last three were his pride an joy. Louis talks a lot and Harry is contented just listening to him for now.

Louis's a good listener too. He makes Harry want to keep telling him all the stories that have been called lame by people. Harry thinks Louis would find them interesting.

Harry tells Louis about hating Louis a tiny bit before he properly met him. Well, not properly but they did speak for more than a five minutes.

Harry tells him about how Louis once said he liked his singing and thought he'd win the X-factor in an interview. And how happy it made him to get a compliment from a big star like Louis. Then a few weeks later Louis supported James Arthur, a fellow contestant and James had won. Harry had felt betrayed.

“You said I'd make it. Called me the star of the season too. Then your interests shifted to James at the semi-finals,” Harry says miffed.

“Harry, I'm really sorry I did that. I don't remember any of it but I'm a product of the X-factor and I should speak about it often. I'm sorry I was shitty,” Louis says regretfully. “I was right though. You did make it big, bigger than James. Fuck what some popstar did to you years ago, you really are an amazing singer.”

Harry beams, “I wasn't fishing for compliments by the way.”

“Didn't think you were,” Louis smiles. “But I'm glad you didn't win.”

Harry gasps, “What...?”

“I'm glad you didn't win,” Louis repeats clearly.

“How could you say that? I was devastated, Louis,” Harry furrows his eyebrows.

“You weren't signed by Simon,” Louis states and Harry nods. “If you had won Simon would have scooped you up and his label sucks utter shitballs mate. There's little artistic freedom and someone to always breathes down your neck. You would have been miserable. And “X-factor artist” title would haunt you for as long as you like,” he chuckles, “Columbia records, I hear is better. It's a better fit for you,” Louis explains himself.

“But you are under Simon still?” Harry asks curious.

“Yes,” Louis doesn't explain further. Harry doesn't pry, he knows when to shut up and this is one of those times.

“I always jump to conclusions at everything you say like a dimwit. And you state things vaguely, just so people could give you the reaction you were hoping for before explaining yourself,” Harry expresses his observation pouting.

“You're dramatic! I like how you react,” Louis laughs.

Harry looks through his lashes while sipping his coffee. A light pink tinge on the apples of his cheeks appears.

Three cups of tea, two cups of coffee and a few pastries later they decide it's time to leave. Louis asks him on a date as promised. Harry says yes without missing a beat.

The blatant pleasure on Louis' face is worth million YES's. Louis promises to text him the time and place for their proper date.

Harry asks Louis to make sure it's a private place. Harry doesn't want to go public just yet. Louis agrees and thanks Harry for his time. Harry thanks for his.

They just stand there stupidly watching each other at the door. Harry can't help the giddy laughter that escapes him. Louis shakes him head laughing as well. He looks fond. Harry wants to do a pirouette in the middle of entrance.

“Goodbye, Harry,” Louis says smiling.

“Goodbye, Louis. For now,” Harry smiles back.

___________________

 

It's after 12:00 p.m. the next day when he gets a call from his manager, saying he's received a package from Louis Tomlinson's people. Jeff asks if he should open it up and check before sending it to him. Harry doesn't think that's necessary, he asks Jeff to send it to him right away.

Jeff's assistant Matthew stops by to drop it off. Harry throws open the door and almost snatches the package away from Matthew, he would have had the package been smaller. He shakes the box lightly trying to guess what's inside gleefully.

He catches Matthew staring suspiciously.

“What?” Harry asks self-conscious.

“Oh nothing! It's just...uh...your face splits into two when you smile so wide, did you know that. It's almost--”

“Oh shut up! Is that all I received?” Harry interrupts Matthew.

“Yes, and hey how do you know, Louis? How did you manage to befriend---”

“Did I say thank you? I'm sorry look at me forgetting my nanners. Thank you so much, Matt. See yourself out,” Harry says heading to the living room.

“Fucking rock star,” he hears Matthew mutter.

Harry places the package on the coffee table and rummages around his kitchen drawer for a knife. He carefully cuts open the box from the top. He sits on the setty and pulls the table towards him and opens the box.

Harry snorts when he sees what's inside.

He finds five vinyl copies of the five Resurrection albums. _Vinyl!_ Resurrection merch T-Shirt, a moleskin journal, their cute as fuck fragrance bottle, a wilted light pink rose and in the bottom and under all that stuff is a note.

He's smiling so wide he's sure Matthew would have called the cops on him. He opens the note with excitement.

The note says,

_Harry,_

_I sent you vinyl copies because I assumed you would appreciate them more. You probably only listen to them, you hipster! The albums are probably all shit and I sound fucking horrible. But someone on Twitter said I sound “angelic” in vinyl. But that obviously isn't why I sent you them._

_I noticed you carrying a journal everywhere you go in the few pap pics I saw so I put one of mine I bought in Paris, I think. I don't know, but keep it._

_The fragrance, well I don't know, I thought you'd like pretty things. I formulated it with very little help from my bandmates. They smell good, try it._

_The signed T-shirt will help you when you're fat and old and broke. Sell it as a vintage, it'll get you through at least a week._

_And the rose…well, I want you to keep it.  Pressed inside a book or something. You know, it's sweet. You should do it. Or throw it away. I don't care._

_So, yeah! Good-bye._

_Can't wait for the date. Don't cancel, now that I'm fully committed I will hunt you down. No joke._ _  
_ _P.S. I do care. Don't throw away the rose._

_Louis._

Harry's fucking endeared. This is a different side of Louis that he's seeing. Harry's glad Louis is an idiot like him too. He wouldn't have to feel overly embarrassed when he pulls one of his weird acts.

Harry smells the rose, they're not artificially scented. He places it on the shelf to dry rather than inside a book. He doesn't like pressed flowers.

Harry puts on the vinyl in the player in his room. He lies on a reclining chair as the music start filtering through. Their first album, Moments.

Harry closes his eyes and listens to a younger Louis singing. He thinks ‘Someone’ on Twitter was right.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I'm a liar. I'm posting only the past because the next chapter is the present and it's a little different. I don't want them in the same chapter. Sorry <3
> 
> I've omitted a few lyrics in the song above to suit the chapter.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! The PRESENT

**_Present_ **

 

_Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on_   
_Everyone needs a friend to rely on_   
_When the whole world is gone_   
_You won't be alone cause I'll be there_   
_I'll be your shoulder to cry on, I'll be there_   
_I'll be the one you rely on when the whole world's gone_   
_You won't be alone_   
_Cause I'll be there_

_And when the whole world is gone_   
_You'll always have my shoulder to cry on_

_**A Shoulder to cry on by Mark Chesnutt**_

 

It's been four days since he came home to his mother's arms. She had welcomed him with warmth that he missed so much. That's the first time he's been properly hugged in months, it's only natural that he fell apart.

He had held it together, distracted himself with other stuff, partied, partied the numbness away just so he could feel something. Nothing had worked for long.

Harry was an emotional person, he was used to feeling too much. When he found himself unable to feel anything at all, it had scared him.

He knew he should have been devastated when he confronted Louis and broke it off with him. He should have at least felt relief. But all he felt was deep, heavy numbness. His conscious telling him something was off, something wrong with himself for he couldn't feel anything.

He didn't want to look at Louis, he didn't want to talk to him, he didn't want to think about him. He just didn't want anything to do with Louis. Indifference was what he felt towards him, he wasn't used to feeling indifference towards Louis. Louis who used to promulgate million different feelings from with in him could no longer make him discern anything. It was unsettling.

He should be happy he feels something now,  even if it's overwhelming sadness. He'd take this over that alien feeling of feeling nothing.

 

His mom hadn't forced anything out of him, but he knew she was dying to ask. He had disclosed as much as he could without going in too deep. He can't talk about it without being reminded of how out of character he had acted.

He also doesn't want to tell her how he handled it. He was too ashamed. Even though Louis deserved every bit of it it, there's no ignoring the fact that it was so unlike him.

His mom was heartbroken. He regrets telling her because he could see the sadness in her eyes, mirroring his own. Her lips had trembled when she had tried to assure him he was better off without Louis. She had thought they were going to get married. Everyone had.

 

He is always a hair away from crying so Robin, his stepfather and Anne were extra cautious. Robin had asked him a few more questions about how he knew and Harry had answered vaguely. He had smiled sadly, stroking his head told him he was sorry.

Every gentle touch and every soft words reminds him of Louis. He does not know how he can go on with his life feeling like this.

Harry doesn't miss Louis, he's still mad at him. But he misses what they had. Or what he thought they had. He sniffles, he would like to see Louis once or hear him. He's pathetic, he _does_ miss Louis. But if Louis were to show up here Harry isn't sure he wouldn't use that opportunity to let Louis know what an absolute piece of shit he is.

 

Harry's now holed up in his room refusing to leave the bed. He had tried going to the lake, but that reminded too much of Louis. He shouldn't have brought Louis here. Louis had tainted every place he knows because he stupidly shared everything with him.

“Harry,” Anne knocks at his door at midday, “I'm coming in.”

Harry turns around to face her. She grimaces at his appearance. She had never seen her son so distraught. Red rimmed eyes and unshowered hair, her son sure isn't making a fashion statement right now.  She sits beside him, at the edge of the bed.

“Harry honey, you----” she stops herself not knowing what to say that she hasn't already said. She sighs petting he head, she strokes his hair for a few minutes, offering her love and company.

“You'll be alright, baby. You'll be alright,” she kisses his head. She looks sad, Harry wants to go back to LA, he's making everyone miserable. Anne takes the untouched breakfast tray with her.She leaves him alone for the rest of the day.

Harry watches the sun rise, then at the harsh light through his window from the sun at it's zenith then he watches while it slowly sets, dunking everything in darkness. He watches it all go by, barely noticing.

He must have known, it's too good to be true the way his mom left him alone. Especially when he didn't touch any of the food she brought. He should have known. Because Gemma barges in without knocking later at night.

“Harry!” she yells. Harry groans sinking deeper into the bed. _Oh no, not Gemma._ Not right now. He feels Gemma getting on to the bed and leaning in close.

“Harry, wake up. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Gemma yells into his ear.

Harry tries to push her away but gets tangled in the duvet he's been hiding under.

“Harry mom told me what happened. Come on! I wanna hug you! Let me, you big oaf!” She tries to wiggle herself into hugging Harry, which proves to be hard with his limbs all over the place.

“Oh my fucking---wait lemme---ugh” Harry untangles himself and sits in the middle of the bed. He turns to his sister warily. She looks concerned.

“When did you get here?” Harry asks rubbing his tired eyes. He needs to brush his teeth and also take a piss.

“Just now! Mom phoned and told me about what happened, I came right away. Apparently you've been here since Monday and no one thought to notify me,” Gemma turns accusingly to the door.

Harry looks up to find his mother at the doorway looking at him apologetically before scurrying off downstairs. He should have known.

Harry shakes his head, getting out of bed and walks into the toilet to finish his business. He gets teary eyed when brushing his teeth because mint in the toothpaste reminds him of how much Louis loves mint chocolate chip ice-cream. He could get Louis to do anything if he had a bowl of that stuff to entice him. The fucking toothpaste makes him sad, he wants to forget everything.

That's how he re-enters his bedroom, with sad kicked-puppy eyes.

“Oh Harry…” Gemma hugs him, which makes him cry. “I'm so sorry, Harry” She whispers over and over while rubbing his back.

“I can't Gemma---” he chokes,”It hurts---he hurt me. He said--Oh my God I'm pathetic I shouldn't have--” Harry buries his head into the crook of his sister's neck and weeps.

“Oh my baby brother! I'm so sorry. Oh Harry,” Gemma says quite upset herself. She hadn't ever seen Harry like this. She's seen him cry but not like this, not over heartbreak. She pulls him to the couch by the French doors, makes him sit before pouring a glass of water. Harry drinks it hiccuping every once in a while. The more Gemma tries to wipe away his tears, the more flow.

She holds him close, she can't do anything else but hug him tight. She can't help herself, she tears up herself. She desperately hopes hugging him tighter would fix her broken looking brother.

Anne had been very vague about what had transpired between Louis and Harry that brought upon the break up. Which hadn't made any sense, she thought Harry was being dramatic over a misunderstanding. She had rushed here from Manchester when her mom had started crying saying Harry is home and is moping.

Harry isn't just moping, he looks proper heartbroken. Gemma already hates Louis for whatever the fuck he did. She sure hopes for his sake it was a misunderstanding. Because Gemma is ready to tear him apart.

It's almost midnight when Harry starts to talk. She finds it hard to decipher what he's saying because he's choking on his words so much. She tells him he doesn't need to explain but Harry insists. They're sitting on the bed now, legs outstretched and leaning against the headboard. Gemma holds Harry's hand while he tries to get the words out. Harry wants Gemma to know even lesser than what he told his mother.

Gemma and Louis became best of friends. Which surprised Harry. Gemma didn't like celebrities and how pretentious they can be.  She hates everything to do with fame because it took Harry away from them. And she can be very judgmental. Even though Gemma liked Louis’ band he was afraid she wouldn't like Louis or like him too much, he wasn't sure. But Louis and Gemma had connected like the opposite poles of a magnet, making him feel like a piece of iron third-wheeling whenever they hangout.

Gemma’s approval was quite important to him, growing up looking up to her made him depend on her judgement at times. Louis and Gemma could talk for ages about everything and nothing like old friends. She became too fond of Louis that she kept comparing him to her poor boyfriend that he had to pull her aside and remind her Louis was gay and was in a committed relationship.

 

He does not want to taint those memories. Gemma frowns, nods, shakes her head and cries all through Harry's narration. If the sugar-coated version brought out so much agony from her part, he doesn't know how she'd react if he told her everything.

How much Harry wanted to live with Louis forever but now forever seems like a long time to live with pain. He could never quite love like that again. He even misses those fake affections and touches. If he told Gemma about how much his betrayal had hurt him. How he'd found out and how it damaged something inside him beyond repair and about how Louis hadn't tried to deny.

“Harry, tell me how I can make this better. Tell me and I'll do it! You want me to shoot the bastard in the heart? I will!” Gemma promises with resolve.

Harry lets out a wet chuckle, “Just hold me?” Harry asks.

That's what Gemma does, holds him till he drifts off to sleep. Gemma can't fathom much from Harry's story. Just that Harry had broken up with Louis when he found out Louis had been under contract to date Harry. He had signed it prior to his coming out in February 2016, and the contract ended this December. And Harry had told her he was doing okay after the breakup but then one day looking at the calendar he realized how they'd have broken up anyway in December 5th according to the contract. Then it had all fallen apart, there was no pretending anymore. It was real, there's no _HarryandLouis_ anymore.

Gemma just can't wrap her mind around it. She loved Louis, to an extent where she would have readily given him anything if he had asked. Feeling like that seems dark now. Louis could have asked for  anything. Not the Louis she knew but the real nasty Louis that seems to be the reality. She would have agreed to give him without second thought. It leaves her cold and shaken.

She kisses her brother's head before heading downstairs quietly. She finds Anne staring into the night through the sliding doors to the back yard with a cup of tea before her. She looks far away and very old. Gemma feels drained after a few hours with his brother, he can only imagine what watching your son mourning for days could do. She silently makes herself a cuppa, looking back at her unmoving mother once in a while.

The crickets are chirping outside, it looks darker and gloomier than usual. Maybe because Mom hasn't bothered to switch on the patio lights. Seeing her mother so still is unnerving. Robin is nowhere to be found, she guesses he's in bed. It's after one in the morning.

She sits across her mother at the kitchen island,with her fresh brew.

“Mom,” Gemma breaks the silence softly, “Mommy,” a little louder.

Anne turns looks at her unseeingly before blinking twice and focusing on her daughter properly.

“How is he?” Anna asks.

“Not fine. Not fine at all! But he's sleeping now,” Gemma says anger seeping in.

“So he told you,” her mother states.

“He did indeed,” Gemma scoffs.

“Yeah,” Anne sighs sadly.

“I just---I can't mom! Louis? That fucking piece of--- How…? I don't…I can't see it,” Gemma says wringing her hands.

“Harry saw the contracts,” Anne says detached, “He found out months ago, and did a thorough research before confirming. It's true---my baby found out he's been used! Gemma he loved that boy! I saw it. (Thump) You saw it. (Thump) We all bloody saw! (Thump! Thump!)” Anne hits the counter with her open palm.

Gemma reaches out and takes her mom's hand in hers.

“We didn't notice anything. I didn't--nothing was off about him. Louis was perfect, wasn't he? He was so very perfect. Perfect gentleman, perfect boyfriend, Jo's perfect boy, perfect son-in-law. He was going---he was perf--” her mother starts sobbing, she let's out what she's been keeping inside for the sake of Harry.

Gemma walks over to her mom and hugs her from behind.

“I've always hated these fake dating thing these kids do. Why? I don't---not my boy! He hasn't done anything wrong in his life. Why does this--” she cries harder. Gemma shushes her from behind and offers her the kitchen towels. Her mother sniffs into them, dabbing her eyes. Gemma's heart clenches.

“Do you think Jo knows?” Gemma asks.

“I haven't spoken to her in months. Last I saw her was in April, I think. Last I spoke...June maybe? She hung up soon too...wait do you think..?” Anne trails off.

“She knew? I don't know mom. I haven't spoken to her either. Lottie doesn't answer my phone calls. When she does she answers so vaguely and hangs up soon too. Maybe they found out this year? Because the first year…”

“Yeah I think so too. We became so close and then suddenly we weren't? She even refused to join me to go see her son perform when I offered. Said she had already gone to see a few of his performances back in London. She gave a bullshit answer when I asked her why she hadn't invited me along.” Anne says frowning, the tears still streaming down her face.

“Oh the first year had been amazing! Jo and I became such---Oh Gemma! She should have found out later, because there's no way they all were acting!” Anne exclaims. Gemma just hums. She can't quite believe any of this shit is even happening. Two years worth of act? They both stay silent, the silence only broken by Anne's tiny sniffles. Gemma squeezes her mother's shoulder.

“I thought what they had was the real deal. I was even jealous. Louis, I thought was the perfect man for Louis. Hah! I even told Harry he doesn't deserve Louis,” Gemma snorts humorously. She's upset. She reaches for the tea cup to her mother's side before pulling a stool and sitting beside her.

“Does true love even really exist?” Gemma asks after sip.

Anne chuckles, “You and Michael love each other, yeah? I think that's true love.”

“I am not sure anymore. Maybe it's all an act. Maybe he too is---"

Her mother interrupts, “You should not rule off things just because of this. Louis turned out to be a lie, but then he was always too good to he true wasn't he?” Anne stands up to fill herself a glass of water.

Gemma laughs bitterly,“Oh he was!” Gemma turns around in her stool to face her tired looking Mom.

“Remember the little holiday with him and his family? That was extreme. I can't believe we bought all that! I've never seen any bloke act like him. He is such a joke, thinking we'd buy that overly attentive shit,” Gemma scoffs. She hates Louis. Fucking arse broke his poor brother's heart because he was too chicken shit to come out without someone to hold his hand.

“You know, we did buy the whole act. And everything after,” Anne says through tears.

Gemma looks down embarrassed remembering all the time he thought Louis was the model boyfriend. She can't look her mom in the eye when she is looking like this. There's way too much pain. Parents should never cry, it feels awful.

A sudden choking sounds prompts her to look up. Her mother's clutching on to the counter with a hand to her heart. Gemma rushes to her side worried.

“We bought it, Gemma. We bought everything Louis said and did. We were in proper love with him. We only see him few times a year. He's not the love of my life, he's not yours. But imagine my son--” Anne starts sobbing again. Gemma doesn't try to stop, as she's crying herself.

“Harry loved him. He lived with him, he believed every lie he told only to be---i can't believe he did that to my baby! I hope he---” Anne shakes his head, closing her mouth with her hands to muffle her sobs. She doesn't want to wake Harry.

They both fall to the ground, Anne cries into her daughter's sweater in the middle of the kitchen floor. Gemma hold her mom with the little strength she has. The tears that fall from her own eyes wet her mother’s head.

Gemma is worried about her mother and Harry. She'd only seen her mom cry like this in few occasions. When Gemma had moved out to go to college. When Anne's cat died. And when Harry cancelled plans to come home after being gone for so long. He had left Cheshire as soon as he had gotten signed and didn't return for six months. It had been hard for Anne.

Gemma was there for her mother when Harry wasn't. Harry was there to comfort Anne at her absence.

She can't help but marvel how strong her mother really is. To bring up both of them the way she had and put up with the baggage they brought. Putting up with their issues, dealing with them moving out and sharing their sorrow and distress and their heartbreaks.

Gemma finds herself thinking about how strong she herself is. She had seen two people that she dearly loves fall apart on the same day and she still had strength to hold both of them. She wipes her tears and helps her mother up.

She goes up to her room in her mother's home after forcing Anne to go to bed. She passes Harry's room on her way, he looks small sleeping there curled up. Her heart aches for her brother. The room looks depressing, even Harry's multi-colored walls couldn't cheer up the atmosphere.

Gemma goes to bed determined. She's taking Harry out tomorrow. She's going to do everything in her power to help him get through this.

Today is when Gemma started loathing Louis. _And she will for years._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts....?


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be a monster!   
> This got deleted a total of Four times before I could figure out what the mistake was. Sigh. I accidentally put an emoji haha.

**Past**

 

_ For once in my life I have someone who needs me _ __   
_ Someone I've needed so long _ __   
_ For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me _ __   
_ And somehow I know I'll be strong _ __   
__   
_ For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of _ __   
_ Long before I knew _ __   
_ Someone warm like you _ __   
_ Would make my dreams come true _ __   
__   
_ For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me _ __   
_ Not like it's hurt me before _ __   
_ For once, I have something I know won't desert me _ __   
_ I'm not alone anymore _ __   
__   
_ For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it _ __   
_ As long as I know I have love, I can make it _ _   
_ __ For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

**_For once In My Life - Stevie Wonder_ **

  
  


_ Louis is the most charming person he had ever met _ . He'd met so many people in his life, people who he remembers and people who are just blurs. But Louis had taken a place for himself in Harry's heart. He's playing with Harry's heartstrings like he owned it.  Every beat and every tug feels different when it's caused by Louis. He has got him out of sorts, like he's walking around in a messy place with things on the ground he could trip and fall over but he's too caught up with something they barely register in his brain. 

Louis had been so caring and attentive. He had been understanding and respectful and all things  Harry never realized he needed. This isn't his ‘crush’ addled brain talking, anyone could see Louis is a perfect gentleman.

The date had been a success, he had been so worried he'd mess up. He had chosen the outfit himself, having told no one about the date. He'd like to keep it a secret lest something happens and they don't think they are compatible. Louis had said, “Wear something fancy, I like you dressed up.” So Harry had worn something fancy. Gucci Heritage jacket with embroidery in the back paired with a white shirt and black jeans had been his chosen look. Louis had worn a black velvet blazer, he later finds out as Gucci as well, white T-shirt and dark skinny jeans. He had looked like a dream, if the dream was a wet one.

“You look dashing, Harry,” Louis had said. He hadn't said it back because you know his brain by now, it had stopped working.  _ Naturally. _

Louis had taken him to dinner at an small Italian restaurant, not very popular in LA.

Italian candle lit dinner might sound cliche but it was Harry's first time  _ being taken _ to a  _ real _ dinner date. Harry's rom-com heart had soared. It had looked like a nice place from outside, small but classic looking with people dining at a few tables, which had made Harry give Louis an odd look because he thought they were keeping the date low-key. Louis had smiled at him before texting someone and had pulled him by his cuff to the back of the restaurant. A woman had escorted them through the kitchen storage, reassuring them there weren't anybody there. They clearly hadn't had a private booth for them, because the place they were taken had looked like it had just been organized. The woman had left them alone after that.

Makeshift curtains had been drawn, against a corner to form a square space with an L shaped wall and opposite to that had been covered by white curtains. Louis had been looking at him eagerly so he had smiled and entered. He wouldn't have minded dining in the restroom if it was with the man before him, honestly.

What he found inside was a five star setting of a dinner table for two, with lit candles and flowers and carefully arranged silver wares. Harry had laughed delightfully and Louis smile had widened, “This is what I could pull off last moment, I'm sorry,” Louis had said apologetically but he was clearly proud of himself. It had been the most bizzare thing, dining behind a restaurant.

“It's charming, Louis. I love it,” Harry had said shaking his head fondly.  _ He's sold already!  _

 

When Louis had arrived to pick him up he had brought him flowers, kissed his knuckles at which Harry had laughed good naturedly, but his non-existent ovaries had shriveled up and died. 

Louis'd been a perfect gentleman all night, opening doors, pulling his chair out for him, paying the bill, every single step had been done with ease. Harry was sure he had been preening all through the date.

It hadn't looked like Louis was trying too hard, which is how it would have looked if Harry was acting gentlemanly, but Louis had this air of experience, like that's how he had always been. Harry had initially felt jealous of everyone before him then he realized there was no one else and that had made him sad. 

When Harry had said they could have had the date indoors at his place with no trouble Louis had said, “It's no trouble, is it for you?,” Harry had shook his head, “I could have had someone cook the same thing and have the same setting at my place too, but us being who we are and the situation we are in should not lock us indoors. Also I really wanted to take you out, not in. How could I tell people I took  _ Harry Styles  _ out on a date if we were in? They would think we just hooked up.”

Harry had choked on his wine while Louis laughed.

 

They had wanted to walk around a bit before returning home but couldn't because their whole thing was still a secret. Which is exactly how Harry had wanted it to be for a few months, Louis all to himself. Harry had reassured a guilty looking Louis with a kiss on his cheek when he dropped Harry off. He had offered to walk him to the door but Harry had asked him to drop him in the driveway. Louis had insisted he would at least get out of his car. 

They had both looked at each other, very much like the day at Jacques’ restaurant, just marveling at each other's existence, Harry guesses. That's what  _ he'd _ been doing anyway.

Louis had recoiled like the kiss had burned him, Harry'd almost bit his tongue in attempt to keep his laughter inside. Louis had taken a comical shade of red and looked quite flustered. Harry had reached out and squeezed Louis’ left hand and asked, “Is that okay?”

Louis had tilted his head up a bit to look up at Harry, since they were standing too close and Harry was a couple inch taller, Louis had leaned in as if to kiss him on the lips. Harry had held his breath and silently said goodbye to the world because he had been certain he was going to die the instance his lips touched Louis’.

He had instinctively closed his eyes, leaning in closer only to blink open when Louis had reached out to caress his cheek with the hand that's not in Harry's. Harry had exhaled softly, unable to hold his breath in anymore. Louis, slower than it takes a flower to bloom had leaned in closer, his lips almost touching Harry's. It had Harry enraptured, he had looked nowhere but at Louis even though it had hurt his eyes to focus on Louis’ eyes so up close. 

Harry would have narrated the story to everyone, written songs about it, never stopped talking about how fairy tale-ish that moment was had Louis kissed him like he anticipated. But Louis’ sultry look had suddenly turned mischievous and he had smirked before tugging at Harry's ear hard. He had stepped back out of Harry's way and turned towards his car before Harry could even say 'ouch’. Harry had been left gaping at Louis’ backside as he skipped his way to his vehicle.  _ Skipped! Okay, he's exaggerating, but still! There definitely had been skips in his walk. _

“Goodnight, Curly,” Louis had said quietly once he had unlocked the door. Louis had been one leg inside the car when Harry had soon called out, “Can I have a second date?”

Louis had looked at him over the car door and smiled softly, “Yes, but second one is on you.” Louis had grinned at Harry's instant reaction, which had been to fist punch the air and hiss a soft, “Yes!”.

Harry had smiled sheepishly at him, he refuses to  apologize for who he is, which is an absolute fucking idiot and an embarrassment to mankind.

 

Louis had shook his head and was almost inside his car when he had suddenly straightened with a smirk playing at his lips, “Next time, let me initiate the kiss. Unlike some people, I am good at locating lips,” Louis had said smugly and gotten into his car and driven off without looking back. All the while Harry was blinking and fish mouthing in his driveway. He can't believe he let Louis best him right in front of his million dollars worth property. 

“I know where your lips are! It's the only thing I've been looking at all night!” Harry had shouted back but Louis was long gone and he was left looking around to see if his neighbors witnessed anything. His neighborhood was as quiet as he was when he used to tiptoe downstairs to steal candy from the kitchen in the middle of the night when he was a child. 

Rich people and their love for peace and silence, Harry had shaken his head. It was not crickets and frogs’ croaking kind of quiet like in Cheshire, LA was eerily quiet like someone was holding their breath. 

Harry had entered his house berating himself for not asking Louis for a proper kiss. But the night had been very special to him, Louis had made him feel special. He had constantly complimented Harry, calling him pretty and clever. He had stared at Harry adoringly, listened to his every word and made him feel good. It had been a  great date. He's not forgetting that one anytime soon.

 

Second date had been at Harry's place. Jeff had advised him against going to a bowling alley. It was pretty stupid of him to think they wouldn't be recognized. But bowling alley was the next rom-com thing he could think of  after a candlelit dinner.  _ One day. One day he will. _

Louis, wearing a fit red sweater and dark jeans had arrived with a bottle of wine and handed him a gift box. Louis had shrugged and said, “Wine bottle alone is too mainstream.” 

“Can I open it now?” Harry had asked too eagerly. 

“Go for it, I'll just stand by the door and watch you open it, no problem.” Louis had said gesturing the door.

“Shut up,” Harry had laughed, “come on in, Louis.”

He had led Louis to the living room, Louis had immediately taken the couch and made himself comfortable, nodding appreciatively at the cushioning. Harry had taken the setty across, before tearing open the box.

Harry had taken out a pair of cute pink fluffy slippers and laughed at it. He had mentioned his favorite color as pink in their first date. Louis had flirtatiously said his favorite was the color of Harry's eyes to which Harry had stared blankly. Louis had confessed it was red. Louis does rather look ravishing in red.

“It matches your shirt, put them on,” Louis had said gesturing Harry's pink shirt. “I found them in the mall while shopping for Daisy, it was in the female section but who fucking cares, it...it reminded me of you,” Louis had shared reluctantly.

Harry had just gaped at him, momentarily drifting off to another universe to think about what had been revealed to him. Louis found cute as fuck,  _ pink,  _ soft looking pair of slippers and that had reminded him of Harry. He isn't even offended a pair of fucking footwear reminded Louis of him. 

“Harry just put it on, throw it on the bin or at least turn away, my gosh!” Louis had rolled his eyes getting uncomfortable under Harry's gaze.

“I...thank you, you didn't have to get me anything, Louis. It's very pretty,” Harry had said putting them on.

“Told you they reminded me of you,” Louis had said winking.  _ Harry was fucked. _

“Stop!” Harry had said blushing hard before offering Louis a tour around the house. 

 

His place was pretty nice and had cost him a fortune, he was proud of the decor. Louis had called it lovely and  _ quaint _ . Harry’s sure he didn't mean any offense but his house was  _ big.  _ Bigger than Niall's and he had called it  _ quaint _ . The interior decorator for his place had even once been featured on Architect's digest. Louis hadn't had the chance invite him over to his house yet so he doesn't know how it looks. But it better be magnificent, or Harry's throwing hands.

 

Lunch had been great. Louis had said he liked to have elaborate dinner dishes for lunch so Harry had worked his magic and cooked a three course meal. Garlic bread as appetizers, Enchiladas and carrot cake for dessert.

Louis hadn't stopped complimenting him at every bite, throwing in a few words of gratitude once in a while too. Louis had said, none of his past dates have ever cooked for him, “Well, El has but sandwiches don't count.”

“El” he had guessed was his past girlfriend or the fake one, he hadn't cared.  _ Louis is gay. _

Harry had brought the star of the night out, his speciality, the Carrot cake. Louis hadn't reacted like he had hoped, he had looked so offended and asked, “Harry, important question. What is your opinion on Pineapple on Pizza?” The look on Louis's face has been too intense for it to be a simple question, it had made Harry fidget a bit.

“Er...no?  Fruits don't belong with pizza…?,” Harry had answered unsure.

Louis had narrowed his eyes before replying, “Vegetables don't belong with cake either, Harry what are you doing? I disapprove. I'm sorry, you've been a gracious host up until now.” 

Harry had stared at Louis for longer than acceptable. Louis can't be serious right now. Harry had not been sure if he's being serious or not, he'd lean towards serious because Louis had looked quiet passionate about it. 

“Have you ever tried Carrot cake?” 

“I...well, no. I don't wish to spoil my palate. And I have a reputation to behold,” Louis had answered rather haughtily. 

Harry hadn't been able to take that snobbish behavior and judgement from someone who'd never tasted it before. He had held a fork full of cake towards Louis mouth, Louis had shook his head like a stubborn child but leaned it to try some when Harry had narrowed his eyes. Harry takes his baking seriously, Louis should know.

Harry had watched him chew, then make a face, it  clearly had been an act because Louis had taken a fork and served himself more cake without saying anything.

“How was it?” Harry had inquired.

Louis had looked strained, it had taken everything in him to say, “It's good, not great but good. I'd like another piece,” and begrudgingly held out the dessert plate. 

Harry had smugly cut him a slice, “It better be good, I baked it.”

“You baked it?” Louis had asked alarmed.

“I did.”

“Wow it looks store bought,” Louis'd said shaking his head, “You know what? Carrot cakes are not so bad. I would know, because I haven't tasted any before. I know my stuff and yours is the best. The perfect texture and taste. You are very good at this, baking I mean. Carrot is my favorite vegetable, carrot and cake infused into one baked goodness? Genius Harry! Wow you baked me a cake, this cake, that's awesome and this cake, mate it's the height of culinary---”

“I'm going to stop you right there, kiss ass,” Harry had said laughing at Louis’ ridiculousness. It has been a good meal.

 

Louis had offered to do the dishes but Harry had refused to let him. They then watched a movie, a boring sitcom. They hadn't paid much attention to it, Louis had been content drawing circles in his palms. 

Their first kiss had been magical. And enlightening. He sure sounds like a kid who still hadn't grown out of his Disney princesses phase but he doesn't know how else to phrase it so simply. He knew how the explorers must have felt when they discovered a country or land after years and year of traveling, and the land turns out to be pretty epic and they could finally settle. Because it had felt that right. 

They had been sitting side by side in the couch, Harry occasionally stealing a look at Louis’ profile because he was so goddamn beautiful. He hadn't been expecting it when Louis had leaned in and traced his jawline with his index finger while looking into Harry's eyes with such intensity it almost had Harry fleeing the place. The movie in the background long forgotten, Harry had found himself nodding, answering a question that hadn't been asked out loud but he somehow knew what Louis was waiting for. 

Louis had kissed Harry's right cheek first, then the left and nuzzled his nose against Harry's. Harry realized Louis was trying to get him to relax because he was frozen and tense. And how he had melted like ice on warm palm.

Harry had closed his eyes when Louis started softly brushing his fingertips over his plump lips. Then Louis kissed him, putting all his past kisses to shame.

Harry had opened his eyes wide at the unknown sensations that had surfaced from with in. He had pulled back to stare at a grinning Louis before diving in again. His stomach had started doing somersaults and triple backflips, it had been a circus in there. Louis had Harry's cheek cupped gently in his hands and caressed it with his thumb. Louis’ adoring touch had felt so good against his skin, it almost distracted him from the kiss.  _ Almost _ . 

Harry had put his hand above Louis’ to hold it in place. He hadn't wanted to let go. 

 

The kiss had not been overly sexual or desperate. It was gentle and sweet, they were just getting acquainted, Harry's lips and Louis’. 

He had felt confident that was going to be his last first kiss from anyone. He had slightly panicked for even thinking that.

When they broke apart blinking, Harry had smiled shyly, Louis had smiled back his cheeks sporting a pink tinge too.

 

“You're a good kisser. That was a good kiss” Harry had said not knowing what to say. He had just wanted to play it cool, all the things that had gone inside his brain in the duration of the kiss was making him light-headed. 

“I don't think that's why,” Louis had said, looking into his eyes with the same intensity as before. Louis’ blue eyes had been dark and lit, twinkling at the edges.  Harry understood Louis felt the same, Louis had made sure he knew with his meaningful gaze. Harry had thought he might just drop dead right then and there. He hadn't but only because it would have been traumatic to Louis. 

 

From then it had been easy. Harry was free for a few weeks so was Louis. They had gone on a fair amount of dates whenever they could. 

Louis hadn't invited Harry to his place yet because there were Paps hanging out there at all times because of his coming out as gay. He promised him he'd love to have Harry there.

 

A month in, and harry could not wait any longer, he had asked Louis to be his boyfriend. Louis had said ‘ **Yes** ’.

He had told his mother about seeing someone, unable to hold it in anymore. He didn't tell her who it was because she she'd start telling everyone she meets her son's getting married. She's worse than The Sun tabloid.

Harry's first girlfriend in Middle School, Jen had broken up with him after only three dates saying he was too territorial. He hadn't understood, when he inquired Jen’s best friend he was told Jen had been called “Harry's girlfriend” by everyone in town, the milkman to the owner of the diner. There's only one person who could have been responsible and it was his darling mother. 

His mother had asked many questions about his _“mystery man”_ and he had answered without revealing too much. He got a call from Gemma fifteen minutes after hanging up with his mom demanding answers. _Fifteen!_ His mom is something else. He had boasted to Gemma about his new boyfriend which she had called over exaggerating. _Hah! He can't wait to rub it in her face after she meets Louis_. 

 

The dates have gotten quite adventurous and sort of a game to them. Secret hangouts, different cars, planning with their team before hand, uncharacteristic clothes, everything to go about their businesses undetected. They still haven't done any PDA in public, just in case. His hands always itch to hold Louis’ hand when they're on public. They will get their eventually.

He loved having Louis in his house, it was easier than notifying their desired location with their manager, security team, driver and the venue. 

Harry cooks him sometimes, they mostly order in. But Louis’ kisses were always too intense and hard when he cooks. Apparently Harry cooking for him makes him hot and bothered. 

Louis had also promised to cook for him. He'd pulled out the notepad app and asked him what he'd like.

“Chicken?” Harry had provided unhelpfully. 

Louis had stared unimpressed,“In another life I'd have made you something simple with chicken, cheese and maybe even homemade mash as a side dish, but it's not an alternate universe so I'm going to go all out for you, sweet Haz. I'm going to cook you ramen,” Louis had said so seriously it took Harry a while to get it.

Harry had let out a peel of laughter while Louis sat smiling smugly. Louis then got tired of watching him laugh for so long he had shook his head and gone on to check his phone. Harry was still laughing in the background.

Later he found out Louis had tweeted something right that moment.

**@Louis_Tomlinson :** Apparently I fart laughing gas 

And Niall had replied,

**@NiallHoran** to  **@Louis_Tomlinson** : 

Hahahahahahahaha so funny Tommo

 

He accidentally ‘liked’ Louis’ tweet which started the rumors. Well, it's no secret he's bi and Louis is gay and it's natural people speculate.

Louis hadn't reprimanded him, he had sent few screenshots of people's reaction tweets. They were funny and it was entertaining to send each other them back and forth. 

People have started shipping them too, he's glad. He was getting tired of seeing people hoping Zouis (Zayn + Louis) or Lilo (Liam + Louis) would be a thing. Liam is  _ straight _ . He was so done with it. He can't wait to claim his man publicity.

Harry is getting too attached, he had cancelled plans with Niall and his other friends to spend time with Louis instead.

Louis hadn't gotten much interviews lined up as he and other artists who have come out had. Harry should know because he had kept an eye on every article that spoke about Louis’ shocking coming out. Louis had just shrugged and said “What can I say? My team loves me.” He hadn't said anything more but was he being sarcastic? Louis is a private person as far as he he's come to know.

 

It's so very surreal to Harry how comfortable they were around each other. Harry wasn't too self-conscious anymore. They've become so close in so little time. Harry had shared so much with Louis that he wouldn't have with other people. It's only been a couple months and he already feels like he's known Louis all his life. 

Harry's less awkward around Louis, his awkwardness delights Louis to no end. Louis pulls stupid shit on him all the time so he lets his true self shine. 

They have spoken a lot about music and what drives them, what they love, what they're trying to accomplish and about their previous albums. Harry, having listened to all their tracks very eagerly spoke about them, and Louis’ eyes had shined brighter than he'd ever seen.

Harry is now feeling giddy every waking hour of the day. He's always flushed and always smiling. 

The stories Louis tells are the best, all the stories from childhood, then with Resurrection, all the crazy shit he had done together with Liam and Zayn and about their stadium tours. Harry is always awed by every words Louis utters. His life pales in comparison really but Louis is always more interested in listening to him. Harry tells him he'd like to meet Liam and Zayn one day and Louis tells him he'd meet them soon. Zayn was being really suspicious, Louis had said chuckling. Much like Niall but that is no laughing matter. Niall can be really scary. But for now he just want to keep all of Louis’ attention to himself. 

 

Louis likes giving gifts, he learnt how much he enjoys it by the fifth date when he already had four gifts from Louis. He gives him the most random shit. A Swiss army knife inside a sock tied with ribbon, a bunch of hair bands, sunglasses, the most bizzare thing was the urn! And they're always,  _ always _ wrapped in something equally fascinating as whatever is inside. The hair bands were shoved inside a beanie and sealed around with Sellotape (scotch tape). Beanie wasn't the gift, louis had insisted but refused to take it back.

Louis is the most funniest person on Earth, he's convinced. You need to have the right come back, the right amount of sarcasm, the perfect balance of nonchalance and tease and the timing should be right for a joke to be epic. And Louis’ always are. He can't stop laughing around him, the only bad side effect from dating Louis is the pain he has to bear at the end of the day. His sides ache so much because of all the fits of laughter.

Louis laughs at his jokes too, even the bad ones. It makes Harry feels dreamy and lightheaded to even think about it. Harry sometimes thinks Louis is faking his laughter, because the jokes he tells Louis are the same ones he's told other people which got no reaction whatsoever. 

Louis tells him they're clever, and the jokes being bad is what make them funny. Harry doesn't care, he's fucking stoked someone enjoys them.

Harry loves it when Louis whispers sweet nothings into his ears. He always preens at every compliment off of Louis. Louis finds him pretty, hot and sometimes even beautiful. He's been called that before but coming out of Louis, it was different and he loses his mind every damn time. Louis loves to nibble on his neck and Harry loves Louis’ collarbones. They're very accentuated and Louis makes the prettiest sounds, Harry squeaks like s mouse he's sure because Louis gasps every time he make a sound with they make out.

They haven't had sex yet, though he'd like to. Louis promised he wants to too, but he wants to take this slow, being his first relationship with a guy and all that. Harry doesn't know what is fast and what is not when it comes to relationships, everyone is different. Harry let's Louis set the pace and he just follows along. Louis tells he's terrified of going public but he's also very ready. Louis is not sure how he'd act when people are around, not used to affection and stuff even with his girlfriends. Louis gets sad every time he talks about it. Harry is not too concerned about going public with Louis, he'd love to and he's sure Louis would be perfect even after. 

They decide to tell a few people about them if they want when he mentions he'd told Anne he's seeing someone and not who. Harry then suggests Louis meet his mom. Louis blinks like harry does sometimes and says he'd love that. He tells Harry  he wants Jolene, Louis’ mother to meet him too, and  _ soon _ since he had never hid anything from Jo.

Harry sits up straight suddenly, they are lounging outside by the pool. 

Louis looks breathtaking lying like this on the chaise lounge chair with sunglasses on. Harry has to shake his head to clear his head. But Louis is his  _ boyfriend! _

“My album drops on April 29th, we can't public then, people will think our relationship is for publicity and we don't want that, so I was hoping we can wait till June?” Harry asks.

Louis takes off his glasses, “We can, love. Whatever you prefer,” he smiles sitting up, knees touching Harry's. “My single comes out in August, so I guess a couple months before is enough time for us to be old news, no?”

This is one of the things he loves about Louis. Louis uses endearments to address him sometimes and it catches him off guard each time. And Harry's desperate desire to pause everything and scream into abyss hit him hard.  _ He loves it. _ He's been called a sweetheart, darling, love and this one time Louis had called him sunshine.  _ Sunshine. _ Harry hasn't complained about life since then.

“Yeah, but that's not what I was trying to say. I got distracted by the thought--Anyway, I was thinking, since you said you were going back to England too and I'd have European promo to do--”

“We could both go back together?” Louis finishes.

“Not quite, I was thinking maybe you could meet family then and I could meet yours? It's okay if it's too early I'll wait--”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah I'm going to England on the 22nd, you're doing Radio One interview first? Nick?” Harry nods and Louis continues, “Well it's going to be crazy the first week, so if you get a day with nothing scheduled, you can come visit?”

“I'll make time and I will come visit,” Harry says confidently nodding.

“And I can visit yours any day you like, babe. Mom is going to pass out when she sees who my boyfriend is,” Louis says delighted.

“Yes. Boyfriend. Me. Harry Styles.”

Louis smirks at him before lying on the chaise again. “Now let me get my tan before I go back to England,” he says putting his sunglasses back on.

“What are you talking about? You're already golden brown if you get any darker it would be taken as cultural appropriation.” Harry asks incredulous, eying Louis’ perfectly tanned body. Louis just laughs.

________

 

Louis leaves to England a week before he initially planned. Harry misses him, even though Louis texts him often it's not much since time zones are fucked.

Harry decides he had ignored his friends long enough and calls Niall, bracing himself, if there's one thing Niall hates more than ranch dressing, it's cancelling plans. And he had cancelled TWO. He had called him a few times to make it up, so Niall can't be that mad.

 

He phones Niall and he picks up on the fourth ring. Harry already feels terrible, he's such a bad friend.

“Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?” Harry asks Niall. He's currently munching on some crackers in the kitchen with the phone between is shoulder and ear. He could put it on loudspeaker but his hands are covered in peanut butter and  _ Nutella.  _ Something Louis had taught him and they taste fantastic.

“I don't know, Harry. Which country's capital is the fastest growing?” Niall asks him back in the most disinterested voice he could muster.   
“Ireland’s!” Harth yells into the phone.   
“Oh really?” Niall asks suddenly interested because it's about Ireland and his Irish blood doesn't like other people knowing more about his country than him.    
“Yeah because.....” Harry drags to make it dramatic, which makes Niall impatient. He's already pissed at Harry for cancelling their plans twice. Niall could clearly see Harry lying about stuff these past weeks, omitting some things when he narrates what he's been up to, or getting flustered when he slips up certain things. 

“Harry I swear to God! Why the fuck did you---”

“Because every year it’s Dublin! Get it? Because it's  _ doubling _ \---”

“Oh my--I’m hanging up. Get yourself another friend,” Niall says annoyed.

“Hey! Don't hang up!” Harry laughs, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How are you, Niall?” 

“Well, you would know if you hadn’t cancelled our plans,” Niall mutters.

“Hey I phoned you like every other day!” Harry defends himself.

“Then why ask how I am? You've been speaking to me  _ every other day _ so you must know, no?” Niall doesn't seem like he'd let this go anytime soon. 

“You know that's not like seeing each other…” Harry mumbles. Niall is being kind of dick right now, but Harry deserves it.

“Exactly! Then why cancel? You know Mexican food is to be consumed with company! Friends or family. I've been meaning to check this place out for months!” Niall is serious about food. He has his own principles and rules. When to eat, where to eat, who to eat with, what to mix, what not to and a whole bunch of stuff he's very religious about.

“I'm really sorry. Something came up, both times. It's uh...it was nothing. I'm sorry I'm free this weekend, we can go I promise.” 

“So you chose  _ nothing _ over me?” Niall isn't letting this go.

Harry sighs, “You sound like a crazy girlfriend.

“Well, then you're the cheating boyfriend!”

Harry makes an affronted noise at Niall's come back,“I am not a cheater!”

“I’m not craz--I am not your girlfriend!” Niall yells back.

Harry huffs.  _ As if! Not when he's got the best. _

“Wait...fucker! You are seeing someone, aren't you?” Niall asks hundreds light bulbs going on in his brain.

_ Dang it! How does he always do this! _ Harry remembers the time Niall showed up at his doorsteps one morning when his one-night-stand was still in bed. It took him exactly a five seconds looking at Harry's face to know he brought someone home the night before. 

“I'm not! Okay, I am,” there is no point denying it. And he's been dying to tell someone anyway. He only gave Nick vague details when he had pried, he's in England and Harry doesn't like talking about Louis via phone. He's dating  _ Louis _ . And he only wants to talk about him if he can show other people how much he admires Louis. He deserves better than a sloppy description over a phone call, countries away.

“Holy---tell me! It's been ages since you last dated!” Harry laughs at his excitement. Harry is a little nervous about telling him. He wants him to approve. He doesn't want Niall to think Harry doesn't deserve Louis or they don't match.

“It's...take a guess,” Harry is postponing the inevitable.

“Shit! Uh...okay...is it someone I know?” Niall asks.

“Yup.”

“Is it Louis Tomlinson?” Niall asks unsure making Harry's jaw drop.

“How the fuck---yes it's him but how---”

“Oh my gosh yes! Are you serious?” Niall yells gleefully.

“How did you know? Did louis tell you?” Harry wants to know.

“He didn't! I mean he asked about you months ago in December, I think. I swear he didn't tell me anything! Lucky guess man. Are you serious?”

Harry rolls his eyes smiling, Niall sounds excited so that can't be bad.

“Yes, I mean, I'm serious I'm dating him. Am I serious about the relationship? Also yes. I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said YES! Can you believe it?” Harry's smiling wide remembering that day, couple weeks ago. They were out in Harry's patio when he had caught Louis off guard, making Louis choke on the ice tea he was drinking. Harry had rushed into action, taking the glass out of Louis’ hand and hitting him in the back gently. Louis had caught his hand and kissed his knuckles before smiling so beautifully. Moments like that left Harry breathless and intoxicated. Louis had pressed his lips against Harry's and whispered 'Yes’.  _ He really, really likes Louis.  _ Just thinking about him is making Harry swoon.

“I never thought---man this is great! I've always thought you both should be thing. Louis was in the closet and you weren't and I thought it wouldn't be ideal. Louis is a relationship kinda guy and so are you but you don't date guys much and I didn't think he was you type and Louis was still in the closet and...I'm rambling.”

Harry chuckles lightly, “You already knew he was gay?” Harry asks.

“Yeah, of course. Most people he associates with always knew, it wasn't a secret to his inner circles. But you know…”

Harry hums.

“But seriously I thought you went for tall blondes, isn't that  _ Harry Styles’s _ type?,” Niall teases.

“It's Louis. It's my type now, all what Louis is,” Harry says blushing.  _ He really likes him, did he mention that before? _

“I can't wrap my mind around all this? He never mentioned! When? How?”

“February…?” Harry says washing his hands. 

“ February, March, April,” Niall counts, “three months! Basta---”

“Two! Two months. We've only been to a few amazing dates! I'm sorry Niall---”

“Two months of dating one of the most followed celebrity in England! You made him your boyfriend and didn't think to share that information with me?  _ Me?  _ I bet  _ Mr.Grimey _ knows!” Niall says resentfully, ”You phone me in the ass crack of dawn at least three times a week to share the horrible puns you made up while taking a shit but didn't think to share this with me? Fuck you, you can't hear it my voice but I'm hurt.”

Harry takes the phone from between his left ear and shoulder to his right hand. He leans against the sink and sighs, “I am sorry. I  _ really _ am, I did not want to tell anyone because if Louis didn't want to go out with me anymore it'd be embarrassing. I wanted to be sure first, now I am. So I'm telling you now,” Harry sounds genuinely sorry and he has a point. 

“You only told me because I asked! Totally by chance too! Fine, screw that! Now spill.”

“I can't over the phone. Why don't you come over? I'll tell you everything. I have  _ Brownies  _ that I can heat up. Peter brought them, they are very delicious,” Harry sings.

Niall moans, “I'll be there tonight, and I'm hanging up now. I gotta call Tommo and give him  _ the talk.  _ Is he in LA?”

Harry smiles at Niall's brotherly tone, “No, he left to England yesterday.”

“So that's why you suddenly have time for the commoners,” Niall huffs.

“My single is dropping soon! I've been busy with that!”

Niall had already hung up.  _ Rude _ .

 

Niall shows up with Pizza and diet Coke. Niall walks to his bedroom to eat in bed, he hates soiling his bed but he needs to get in Niall's good side, so he bite his tongue and goes with it. He grabs the Tupperware with brownies on his way in.

Harry tells him all about Louis and him, the dates, the gifts, their plan and how amazing Louis is. Niall fucking coos everytime he mentions something Louis did. He's hardly eating his brownie, more interested in Harry's talking. Harry talks very slowly and Niall loses his patience a bit. 

 

“Wow I did not know Louis had it in him. I'm so happy for him. And you. Don't go breaking his poor heart,” Niall warns.

“Shut up. And I won't. I like him too much.”

“Meeting parents is a big deal,” Niall says popping a piece of pizza with brownie on top. Harry wonders what Louis would say to that. 

“It is.”

“And y'all haven't even done it, you know...fucked”

“Gosh Niall!  _ ‘Had sex _ ’ sounds better. We're talking it slow, Niall.”

“What if you hate the sex? What then? I'm just looking out for you,” Niall says trying to look concerned but it's doesn't work when your mouth is full. Harry reaches for a piece of cake but Niall smacks his hand away. 

“Ow! Idiot, sharing is caring! And...the sex can't possibly be bad. If Louis’ kisses alone bring me to my knees, I can only imagine what sex would be liked,” Harry says wistfully. 

“Whipped,” Niall says nodding sagely. He stuffs his mouth some more of the pizza and brownie combo.

“No I don't have that but I do have mint frosting?” oblivious to what Niall was trying to say Harry offers frosting.

Niall's face just turns fond and he smiles adoringly, which also doesn't work if your mouth is full. Harry grimaces.

“Tell me about Louis, stuff that you know,” Harry asks.

“Hmmm...let me think,” Niall closes the lid of the Tupperware with a few brownies inside, “I'm taking this home. Hmmm...Louis... it's probably stuff you already know.”

“No, tell me please,” Harry begs.

“Okay...uh…” Niall thinks.

“It's about  _ Louis _ , why are you thinking hard?” Harry frowns frustrated.

“Not everyone is in love with him, shut up. Hmm...ah he had a big arse.  _ Huge,”  _ Niall holds both his hands out far apart to approximately show the size.

“Yes! They're great, I've only ever held like three times,” Harry says forlornly. Harry gets self-conscious about his bottom when he's around Louis, they're not as big. “But I already know that, Niall!”

“Okay okay, he's very messy. Like he leaves a trail behind him, like Hansel and Gretel. I've hung out with him plenty of times and he has never failed to leave me exasperated with how creatively messy he could be. You know how I get an about messy places, I'd hate to live with him.” Niall says reminiscing all the times he had balked at Louis’ inability to put things in their rightful places. A pan and a spatula in the bathroom had been the last straw for Niall, he had confronted Louis but he had just shrugged.

“Oh...I didn't realize he was messy...I mean, I don't know. Are you sure? Because he's always been  neat and clean,” Harry pouts, “Maybe he's different at other people's houses…”

“I don't think so, their tour bus is a mess. I've seen things I can't unsee. Are we gossiping? This is gossiping.”

“I guess... he's never been messy here, Niall. He even helps me do the dishes sometimes. He picks crumbs off the table after he eats.”

Niall cackles, “Do the dishes? This is so funny. Tommo doesn't know how.” Niall shakes his head.

Harry does not find it funny, he has to ask Louis about this.

“Tell me something else,” Harry changes the subject. He doesn't like Niall laughing at Louis’ expense behind his back. And he hates that Niall knows stuff about Louis than him.

“He absolutely hates vegetables,” Niall continues. Harry smiles at that because he already knows how much. “But he eats fruits a lot. He likes to play football.  He likes superhero movies...and he loves his family like crazy. He hates paparazzi and the media. He likes doing charity work, had me sign a couple of guitars for auctions. He loves to write songs. He loves Liam and Zayn, they could be a competition to you, I don't know. He used to be carefree and loud and opinionated, but he's grown up now and he isn't as outgoing as he used to be. He loves tea,” Niall goes on about all the stuff he knows about Louis and Harry hangs by his every word. 

Niall leaves a short while later saying he hasn't spoken to Louis yet but he will. Harry pleads Niall not to say anything embarrassing about him to Louis. Niall waves his hand dismissively, other hand holding the Tupperware close.

Harry has a lot of time to think about everything Niall had said, so he does just that. Harry worries, some stuff about Louis, he already knew but most of the facts about his behavior is new to Louis. He's never like that around him.

Harry texts Louis,

**Harry : How do you know to do the dishes?**

Louis answers hours later, 

**Louis : What kind of question is that ?**

**Harry : Answer please.**

**Louis : I don't know Harry. Don't people just know?**

**Louis : I had a life before Resurrection. I was the oldest and I did chores around the house to help Mom.**

**Harry : oh**

**Louis : Yeah, I even know how to do the laundry.  Separate colors and whites and everything. I'm so proud of myself.**

**Harry : haha ok**

Niall doesn't know that, Harry smiles in glee. This means Louis is more open around him.

**Louis : why did you ask ?**

**Harry : I was talking to niall and oh I told him about us. He said he'd call you**

**Louis : Oh great. He's going to say he called it. He knows I have a weakness for curls.**

**Harry : you do?**

**Louis : I haven't told you? I'm proper obsessed. If you ever want me to break up with you or make me not talk to you ever again, just cut your hair.**

**Harry : wow**

**Louis : Yes. And your dimples and your smile. You have a nice smile. Makes my days better**

Harry blushes hard, very pleased.

**Harry : Louis**

**Louis : haha**

**Harry : I love your eyes and how expressive they are. And your smiles makes my day better too. But your laughs are my favorite.**

Louis laughs are the best thing, they give him a  _ different kind of buzz.  _ Louis throws his head back whenever he laughs, flaunting his neck for everyone to see. 

**Louis : I'm sensing sarcasm**

**Harry : it's not. I like your fingers and hands too**

**Louis : let's not make this sexual ;)**

Harry laughs

**Harry : I wasn't**

**Louis : okay**

**Harry : you're beautiful**

**Louis : I know**

**Harry : fuck off**

**Louis : haha but you're more beautiful**

**Harry : nuh uh**

**Louis : shut up.**

**Harry : kinda miss you here**

**Louis : me too :(**

**Harry : perfect. It's not one sided pining then. I still have a week to come back to England**

**Louis : yeah I know**

They talk about what they've been up to. Harry warns Louis about Niall. Louis assures him saying he knows about Niall and how to deal with him. 

They text each other random shit all the time. It's been taking all of Harry's time as well. 

Harry loves talking to Louis. He knows there are plenty of thing he doesn't know about Louis but he has time. He'll learn.

He can't wait to take him to Cheshire.  _ Mom is going to freak out. _ He needs to record that moment somehow. He could ask Gemma, he hopes she is not busy.

But he's a little afraid of meeting Jolene, Louis' Mother. Louis absolutely adores her. So it's important she likes Harry. 

Harry can't wait to go to England. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My udates are going to go through a bumpy ride I'm sorry.   
> I don't have back up chapters lined and I have no time to right write now. I'll try my best but I've postponed all my projects and now they are trying to push me off the ledge. :((


	8. Chapter Eight

 

**Past**

 

_You've been on my mind_  
_I grow fonder every day_  
_Lose myself in time_  
_Just thinking of your face_  
_God only knows why it's taken me_  
_So long to let my doubts go_  
_You're the only one that I want_  
_I don't know why I'm scared_  
_I've been here before_  
_Every feeling, every word_  
_I've imagined it all_  
_You'll never know if you never try_  
_To forget your past and simply be mine_  
_I dare you to let me be your, your one and only_  
_I promise I'm worthy_  
_To hold in your arms_  
_So come on and give me the chance_  
_To prove I am the one who can walk that mile_ _  
_ Until the end starts

 

**_One and Only - Adele_ **

 

Harry leaves the picturesque spring in Los Angeles to come to a wet and windy spring in England. It is very pretty this time of the year in England than it is than it is in LA.  The countryside in England will be in full bloom, he's excited to go home to Cheshire. But they decided Harry touchdown in London, spend the night at Louis’ place, then go to Doncaster and from there to Cheshire. Harry had suggested he stay at his place in London, Louis had been adamant he stay in his. Besides, according to their plan they leave the next day to Doncaster.

Harry gave himself a week to do whatever he wanted before he gets too busy, with the album coming out he has too many promotions booked and performances to do.

Louis had been very excited at the prospect of Harry meeting his mother. Harry is too, but the nervousness he feels overlaps the excitement. Honestly, if he could skip this part of every relationship he'd do it. He'd met parents of his partners before but none of them had been formal.

 

And Louis hadn't told his mother who he's bringing and as much as Harry hates it, he can't blame him, he hadn't told his mother anything either. They're both going for the shock factor, which is going to be  a disaster. But he'd be lying if he didn't want it to even a little bit dramatic.

He's sure his mom would be over the moon when she finds out, Robin will be delighted, Gemma would probably be jealous but welcoming. So Louis has nothing to worry about, his family is chill.

Louis’ family is huge, Harry had barely been able to keep up with him when he'd tried to explain. And there are too many people to impress and there's no way in hell he'll be able to charm everyone.

He hopes he is not rushing this, even though he felt sure about meeting parents just days ago he's questioning his decision now, at the airport.

 

Harry is able to exit the airport without being spotted and successfully finds the guy Louis sent to pick him up. Peter, who traveled with him was worried about sending him off with a stranger but the security details checked out and he had to let him go. Harry bids farewell to a worried looking Peter and leaves with the guy, who he later finds out is Flynn, Louis’ bodyguard in England. Flynn is a muscular guy who could probably snap Harry into two. He looks way too serious to be a Flynn. He doesn't trust people who don't look to their names, call it stupid but it is what it is.

Harry is ecstatic to see Louis’ house, if it's anything like Niall described he's in for a treat

Harry likes architecture and taking pictures of them, he could never quite capture emotions in people like other photographers could. But architecture is not overwhelming, people are. He brought his camera along, but he suspects he's going to be taking any pictures.

 

Bartnet is a charming place as far as he knows and that is where there going, to louis’ four million pound property. Harry would probably one day own a house that expensive for now he's satisfied with the current one.

He'd been bummed about not being invited to Louis’ place, he never said it out loud because he knew Louis had right reasons.

He hadn't been sure Louis would contact him until he did, he hadn't been sure they'd go on a date until they did and he definitely wasn't sure Louis would want to be his boyfriend but he had. He can't believe he was invited into Louis’ house, with Louis’ furniture and Louis’ things. Harry knows for certain Louis didn't make being invited to his place a big deal. _Because that's how normal people roll._ To him this feels monumental.

“We're here,” Flynn says and Harry looks up, locking his phone. Flynn nods to the security and they wait till the gates are opened and drive in. The property is huge, Harry's only thought as he gets down. _It's huge._ Harry looks up mouth agape at the white washed establishment Louis calls home. It'd be intimidating weren't it for the trees and plants around and in front of the property.

Harry remembers going to a huge place, nothing this big, it was even smaller than the house he currently owns. It was his mother's friends place, he had thought it was a palace, with the Victorian decor and oak furnishings. He had been afraid to touch anything and the townhouse had left him feeling uncomfortable. It's this uneasy feeling in your gut, like you're standing upon something you're not worthy of. Harry hadn't enjoyed the feeling. That's how feels right now standing here, _out of place_.

“Louis is in, go knock the door...or something?” t

The bodyguard startles Harry gesturing towards the front door that the paved driveway leads to and sets his suitcases down next to him. Harry assures him he can carry them himself.

“Oh you're not coming in?” Harry asks lifting the carry-on bag.

“No, but call me if you want to get out of here. I can book a hotel and drive you there,” Flynn suggests handing him a card.

“That won't be necessary, I think...,” Harry says uncertainly, why is this guy being weird?

The bodyguard chuckles, “Louis wasn't sure if you'd like to stay over tonight so he had me plan a back up plan. He worries too much, you'll see,” he shrugs.

Of course Harry'd see, he's his boyfriend. He doesn't like Flynn insinuating he knows more about Louis than him. It makes him want to pout but he just thanks him and walk towards the door, dragging his yellow suitcase and carrying his Gucci bag with him.

Harry eyes the card he was just given, “Aahhaa! You're Harker! Harker Flynn!” Harry shouts suddenly scaring the bodyguard to death.

“I..am?” Harker Flynn says raising his left eyebrow.

“I'm sorry,” Harry apologizes sheepishly, “It's just...you look like a Harker.”

Harker looks at his dumbfounded for a moment before nodding and leaving the premises. Harry's a wanker but what else is new?

He smoothens out his sweater and pulls at the crotch area of his trousers before ringing the bell. He wonders why Louis isn't here yet, the security on the front surely notified him.

Harry needs to get out of these clothes as soon as possible, he doesn't like how they smell of airport.

He's caught off guard when Louis opens the door smiling radiantly even though he's been expecting the very person in front of him to answer the door. Louis is dressed in a ACDC T-shirt and a pair of jeans shorts, fringe swept to a side, he looks at home. Harry's missed him more than he thought, seeing Louis in flesh after weeks spurs him to pull him into a hug. Harry realizes they've never properly hugged before when Louis gasps as this sudden action.

Louis winds his arms around Harry's neck and hugs him tighter. Harry moves his arms around Louis’s waist more confidently smiling. Hugging Louis feels different, he fits inside Harry's body quite unlike his other lovers, who often towered him. Louis burrows into the crook of Harry's neck and breathes him in and Harry kisses Louis hair. He really missed Louis’ citrus smell, it's nothing like he'd ever smelled before.

Louis pulls back, “I missed you,” he says coiling the curls in the back of Harry's head around his fingers.

“I missed you more,” Harry kisses Louis’ nose. Louis scrunches up his nose in the most adorable way and tugs at his curls.

“No way,” Louis says hugging him again. Harry slips him hands into Louis’ T-shirt and he shivers. He had missed touching Louis’ soft skin. Louis doesn't let go of his curls, he combs through them, scratching his scalp making Harry shiver too.

“I missed my Babycakes,” Louis says breathing in his scent.

Harry cackles right into Louis’ ear, making Louis wince a bit. “Babycakes?” he asks.

“Yeah, you smell like vanilla and flowers and all things sweet,” Louis answers into his neck.

“You're my Lemon Pie then, citrusy, sweet and all things yummy,” Harry says pressing his thumbs into Louis’ stomach.

Louis hums happily. They sway like that together in the doorway until Harry almost trips over his suitcase. They pull apart and smile goofily at each other, clearly remembering how they met. Louis kisses Harry slowly and he melts into the kiss and sighs. _He missed this._

“Let's go inside,” Louis says pulling his suitcase with him ignoring Harry's protests. Harry follows Louis inside and closes the door.

Louis turns suddenly before Harry could take another step further, “The name calling business is between us. Don't call me Lemon Pie in the company of my Friends and family. It will not do my reputation any good,” he says flicking his non-existent hair.

“Okay, King or am I not allowed to call you that either?” Harry sasses.

“Hmm…i don't know ’Your majesty’ would be better. Follow me peasant,” Louis walks in. He follows shaking his head, endeared.

 

Harry observes the huge reception hall, the landing and turning staircase leading upstairs for more grandeur. The walls are high and it instantly makes him feel physically really small. The white beam ceiling and the height of the house make it more appear airy. Harry spins around taking in everything at once.

“You need a tour?” Louis asks when they reach the living room seeing as how Harry is looking up at everything with wide eyes. You'd think he's never been inside a mansion before, he owns one for fuck’s sake!

“Yes! I'd like that very much,” Harry answers hurriedly.

Louis laughs, “I'm shit at it but I've gotten quite better than I was. This is one of my favorite house. Follow me this way.” _One of my favorite house._ Rich people.

“How was the flight?” Louis asks.

“Comfortable,” Harry replies shrugging.

 

Louis says there are six double bedrooms, four reception and four en-suite bathrooms and a guest suite. The ground floor is massive with large receptions and living room to hangout with a large family much like Louis’. Louis says he converted a reception into a study. The kitchen is well equipped with a centre island that could seat six people in the stools. It's too bright with large glass windows overlooking the garden outside. The snow had all melted away now but Harry thinks it'd look beautiful in Winter.

The master suite where Louis resides is huge with an en-suite bathroom that Harry can't wait to put into use. Louis didn't show him what he thinks is his dressing room and closet. He came prepared with a closet joke to crack for when they are in Louis’ closet and not being showed that irks him. _Later he will. There's time. His jokes are beautiful and beautiful things should not be hidden._

Floor-to-ceiling double sliding doors in the back takes him to the backyard. Louis shows him what is supposed to be a vegetable patch but there's no vegetables growing, which he thinks is sad. The decked terrace spans to the width of the house, Louis says the floor above has the same plan.

The pool in the pool house is fair sized and there is an inflated duck floating. There is a kiddy pool with less depth. Louis says he keeps them covered when he isn't home. There is also a hot tub Harry eyes interestingly, _somany possibilities._

They go back inside to explore the other floor. The other bedrooms all look lovely, Louis doesn't allow Harry inside a bedroom which he says is off limits. Harry raises his eyebrow at him and Louis say it's Felicitié's. She stays with Louis whenever he comes to England.

The floor above have large bedrooms with walk in dressing rooms. The dining room faces floor-to-ceiling windows and the dining table in the middle could seat sixteen people. _That's a huge table, surely custom made_. Louis says there's a Home theatre and a gym he'd show him later.

Everything is huge in this house, the decor is tasteful and with a splash of color this and there. The bay windows and the massive fire places gives it a different charm betraying the modern look Louis must have gone for.

Harry's house is beautiful and very luxurious, but this house is in a league of its own. No wonder Louis was unimpressed.

But it does look lonely, for one person to live. Louis tells him he doesn't live alone that one of his friends or family often stay with him whenever he's around. It's still is very huge and most places don't look lived in.

Louis tells him there's lunch after he showers, it's 3 p.m. but he hasn't eaten anything since breakfast. He nods and thanks him. Louis offers him the guest suite to shower, Harry's a little disappointed. He was hoping they can sleep together in the same bed tonight.

Harry checks how the handle works before locking himself inside. He had once locked himself inside a bathroom in a house he had come to see with the realtor. He hadn't been able to figure out how to unlock the damned door, he had tried for ages before giving up and calling the realtor woman. She had smirked at him and showed him how to unlock it with two simple moves. Harry hadn't bought that house.

Harry uses the pink hair dryer he finds in the airing cupboard to dry his curls. He had used a lot of shampoo on his hair and even his body because Louis seems to like the vanilla smell very much.

Harry's thinking about how he has a boyfriend now and they're doing all the real couple things and this is an actual relationship when he smells something cooking. He makes his way into the kitchen in the pink slippers that Louis gifted him. He finds Louis setting the table fit for four separated by a wall from the kitchen. He hadn't noticed this alcove before, he had been looking forward to eating like in The Beauty and the Beast, far apart opposite to each other.

“You cooked,” Harry states dumbly.

“I did and it's not college kid food, I made real food. Sit here, come on,” Louis nods at the chair across from him.

Harry takes the seat and waits for Louis to bring whatever he cooked. What Louis places a rectangular tray before him with some chicken dish mixed with cheese and pasta. There is a big chunk of chicken missing in the left side of the tray. Louis says he ate that part as testing because he wasn't sure about the taste. That's quite a big part to be just for tasting, but Harry just nods.

It's delicious and he says as such. Louis guiltily admits he baked the chicken with cheese and mixed last night's pasta from a fancy restaurant with it. Harry laughs, the effort is what counts and the chicken wasn't dry and it was well seasoned.

 

Harry plays Louis his album later that evening and Louis seems to love it. Harry preens at every compliment and Harry answers Louis' questions on how he wrote the album and inspiration behind every song. He watches Louis hanging by his every word and nodding with understanding when he explains the lyrics. Not too much since he wants Louis to interpret them however he likes.

Louis says they're driving to Doncaster tomorrow and that it takes less than four hours from Barnet to Donny. Harry nods, they'd be leaving after breakfast. Harry enjoys car rides, which is often when he writes his songs.

Louis shows him pictures of his family members and tells Harry about them. He can't wait to meet them, he doesn't think he's ever met a family this big.

Harry tells him about Anne, Gemma and Robin. Louis asks about Harry's biological father, and Harry says he doesn't like talking about him.

“He cheated on my mom with another woman when Gemma and I were just kids. I was less than four! My mom loved him but he just--” Harry says, upset. Louis squeezes his hand and Harry looks up, “Please don't cheat on me, Louis. I think it's the worst you could to a person you're in a relationship with.”

“I won't,” Louis says firmly, “If it's any consolation, my dad fucked off too, I still don't know the reason. My mom was young and he was too but it feels like betrayal, you know.”

“I'm sorry,” Harry whispers.

“Don't be, my stepdad was great to me, treated me like his own.” Louis says kisses his cheek.

“I'm glad. Robin is the best,” Harry says understanding what he means.

Harry tells him about all the time Robin took him to play football but he just couldn't ever kick a ball into the goal post. Louis tells him about the Charity football tournaments he had taken part in. Harry was invited a couple times too but he had refused. Public humiliation is not his preferred kink.

They make out a sweetly for a while before things get escalated soon without neither of them intending it to.

Louis moans into the kiss, and straddles him in the couch. Harry slips his hands under louis’ T-shirt and Louis slips his fingers into Harry's hair and pull his head back, making Harry groan and bear his neck to him. Harry kisses his neck while scratching his scalp, he knows how much Harry likes that.

Louis sneaks his hands under Harry's shirt and flicks his nipples making Harry arch back and squeeze Louis’ ass.

“Bedroom?” Harry asks panting.

“Bedroom,” Louis confirms and pulls him to his room.

That night he completely gives himself to Louis, piece by piece game abandoned.  With the burning pleasure of Louis sliding into him he finds what he was looking for. There is no going back now, not when he's under Louis, not when Louis still likes him, not when he's making such sweet sounds. Louis likes him and Harry can see himself falling for Louis. He's already slowly falling, he's not afraid of the fall if it comes with this searing pleasure and the man giving it to him.  
As Harry writhes in bed he prays that they last, he prays that this is forever, he wants this intense feeling he's feeling to not go away or fade with time. Louis is the one he knows it, it's sex induced thoughts but it's still true.  
Louis' touch feels electric and gives him new kind of highs. He feels skinned and raw and Louis' every single touch feels soothing.

Louis whispers his name into his ear and Harry whispers his back, both lost in the pleasure they're giving each other.

They both reach their peak eyes locked in, blazing blue eyes boring into his green ones, they both shatter into a million pieces like stardust. But it's okay if they're emotional, emotion is good. It's too much and it's scary but it's good.

He understands how much it means to both of them when Louis cleans them without looking at him. He understands it when Louis pulls him to his chest from behind and covers them with the duvet.

Harry turns to face him and Louis kisses his forehead and his nose then places the gentlest of kisses to his lips. Harry's heart clenches at the gentleness of it  They're not smiling but they certainly are happy.  
"Goodnight, petal," Louis says nuzzling his nose. Harry finally breaks a dopey smile and Louis smiles back.  
_Petal_ , that's a new one. But that's exactly how Harry feels right now, like a flower.

_____

 

The next morning Harry wakes up without Louis beside him. Harry stretches and smiles, it's fifteen past Eight. A little later than he is used to waking up.

Harry looks for Louis  to tell him he used his brush but finds Louis going through the kitchen pantry.

“Hey,” Harry says. He doesn't feel uncomfortable or regret what happened the night before but that doesn't stop him from blushing anyway. He feels closer to Louis than he had ever felt in the past few months. Louis jumps a little and turns around smiling.

“Hey, sleep well?” he asks.

“I did, Thank you. What were you doing?” Harry asks looking at all the opened cabinets.

“Looking for food?”

“I can make some pancakes,” Harry suggests.

“That's the most cliche shit you could make after last night, Harry,” Louis says laughing addressing the night before lightly.

“Hey...I love cliches,” Harry walks over and hugs Louis.

“Are you okay?” Louis asks softly grazing his jaw with his index finger.

“Yeah, I'm feeling great. I'm---” Harry's stomach growls interrupting him. Louis laughs pulling away to wash two bowls in the sink.

“I have eggs, milk, tea, coffee and nothing to make pancakes with and no real breakfast. I do have an impressive selection of cereals which I believe is a healthy breakfast option and apples and pineapple and...nuts,” Louis lists everything he has while setting the bowls on the kitchen island.

“Can I get some coffee?” He asks.

“Sure, sit.”

Harry takes a stool and rests his face on fist and looks at Louis fondly. Louis’ hair is still a little wet from the shower and he's wearing baby blue sweats. Louis closes all the pantries and opens the larder to his right and shows Harry his “wide selection” proudly.

It is quite impressive and Harry whistles. Louis chuckles and pours Harry some coffee and places  sugar and milk before him. Harry helps himself to some and sips.

“I'm sorry I don't have real breakfast even though I do actually have real breakfast, I have cereal,” Louis says in a challenging tone.

“I get it, dork. Give me an apple and I'll help myself to some _“real breakfast”,_ ” he says shaking his head. Louis’ wide variety is mostly fruit loops and Coco pops and sugary cereals. He chooses the strawberry flavored one and Louis pours himself the chocolate.

They eat quietly, Louis forces him eat more because it takes three bowls to be a complete breakfast for an adult. Harry goes with it, he can't help it when Louis is being cute.

“When are we leaving?” Harry asks remembering they planned to leave to Doncaster after breakfast. He carries their bowls to the sink and rinses them off.

Louis takes the bowls from him and wipe them down. “In a few hours? I missed you and I want to keep you myself for a few more hours,”

“I'm okay with that. Keep me to yourself.”

Louis grins.

He pulls Harry to the backyard. They both put on flip flops and step outside.

It's beautiful out here, it's a tad bit chilly and he can smell the spring air when he breathes. Louis leads him to the side of the yard opposite to the shed. There are flowerless trees and well trimmed natural plants. It's good landscaping.

Harry gasps when he sees where Louis had taken him. It's a plot of land with rows of rose shrubs, there aren't many roses but they're still pretty.

“Fizzy looks after them, she into gardening,” Louis explains shrugging.

“They look gorgeous, Louis.” Harry moves closer to inspect them more.

“There's only a little but by the end of May, more bloom,” Louis says smelling a rose.

“Are these Equity roses or Gemma?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Louis says dumbly. Harry snorts, he'd have to ask Fizzy.

“You want one?” Louis asks.

“Tempting but they look better right there, I don't want to kill them. Let's cherish their beauty longer without taking the sweet gifts that the nature bestows upon us for granted,”

“Stop, oh my God!” Louis laughs teasingly, “flowers make pretty things prettier. Although you don't need any of that my Petal...,” _petal_ triggers Harry's brain and blushes hard looking away, louis leans in closer and kisses his cheek, “I'd like you give you one. Choose,” Louis says huskily brushing his lips to Harry's cheek softly and his blush intensifies.

Harry steps away and chooses one that's not a bud but not a fully opened rose either, it's beautiful. Louis takes a tiny pair of scissors that look like the ones that come with a shaving set from his pocket and cuts him the flower.

Harry wouldn't have thought to bring a pair of scissors if roles were reversed. Louis even shaves off the tiny thorns in the stem with the side of the scissors, he's too careful maybe it comes with having little siblings. He needs to share this information with Gemma, because he hit the jackpot.

“Here you go pretty boy, she's Julianna,” Louis produces his now named flower.

Harry takes it smiling shyly, the memories of last night coming back to him. He can feels Louis’ gaze on him and when he finally meets them Louis breaks the silence, “Perhaps we should talk about last night.”

And Louis’ cheeks take a pink tinge much like his own.

“Yeah, I guess we should,” Harry answers.

Louis takes the flower from him and slides it into his hair above his right year, Harry looks at him through his lashes. Louis smiles satisfied with his work and reaches for his pocket and takes out his phone and looks at him asking for permission, Harry nods. Louis takes three pictures from three different angles, he takes the last one with so much concentration Harry laughs.

He hopes Louis captured the picture mid laughter, he wants to remember this moment like that. The shade of the rose matching his cheeks, his lips stretched wide by a sweet laughter and the unconcealed joy in his eyes.

Louis slips his hand into his and they go back inside hand in hand. They fit perfectly.

______

 

Three and a half hours of being driven in the Range Rover and they're finally here. Harry and Louis had sat in the back while Louis’ driver drove them to Doncaster. The ride had turned into quite a date, Louis telling him about Doncaster and eating junk food while Harry listened. Louis loved touching Harry, he constantly touched him whenever he could and wherever he could reach. And being inside an enclosed space like a car had given Louis abundant of places to touch and Louis had. Harry doesn't mind being touched so reverently so he had enjoyed them.

Louis loves his hometown very much, Harry had been able to see it in his face and how it had lightened up.

The hours spent laughing in the car was once interrupted by Louis’ mother. She had phoned to ask where they were and also as a last attempt to know who Louis is bringing.

Louis had put her on loudspeaker and Harry heard her say, “Is he famous?” Harry had shaken his head, closing his ears. He hadn't wanted to listen to their conversation, it had felt invasive.

“No, mommy he really is not. No matter how many times you ask. He's a really really normal guy living a really really normal life---”

“Thats what I mean!” his mother had interrupted,  “I know you and I know you will never willingly bring someone into this spotlight of a life. I just---” Jolene had trailed off.

“Oh,” Louis had said looking at Harry guiltily. Harry had let out silent 'Oh’ too looking wide eyed at the phone in Louis’ hand.

“He doesn't mind, Mum. We've talked about it,” Louis had said shrugging not liking where the conversation was going.

“I will support to you no matter what, Louis. I hope I like him. I don't want the displeasure of being the reason for your break-up,” Jolene had said.

“Meaning I'd have to break up with him if you don't approve?” Louis had bursted out laughing making Harry chuckle too. “Well, we'll see that few hours won't we?” Louis had said rubbing the rings in Harry's fingers.

“I really don't like you being so secretive about this, Louis. I am not prepared, I don't know what he likes I don't if we should be casual or fancy. I have no clue and I feel like headless chicken. I don't want to say something offensive to him without--”

“You won't offend me,” Harry had said, his politeness breaking out and puts his palm over his mouth. That was his first time talking to Jolene and Harry hadn't known he wasn't allowed to talk when Louis put her on loudspeaker.

“Who was that?” Jolene had screeched making Louis laugh.

“You know we're driving together, mummy. I can't believe you made that noise just about now. Never in my life have---”

“Did you put me on loudspeaker? I can't believe you, Louis. I'm so sorry, dear…’X’. Oh no! Not X as in Ex-Boyfriend “X”, the letter “X”! I'm sorry but I don't know your name yet. Gosh! Are you sure you want to date this idiot?” Jolene had ended her rambling with a question.

He had laughed and Louis put his hand over Harry's mouth and said, “Can't let you talk to him over the phone. We'll be there in a few hours and you can talk to him all you want. Bye. I love you.”

“I love you too even though I shouldn't,” Jo had said.

“Bye,” Louis had hung up chuckling. Harry's frowning when Louis looks up and he starts laughing again. Harry throws chips and candy at him for laughing at his expense. Louis nudges him while brushing off the chips. _Harry hadn't asked to be in this mess!_ He should have said no.

“Stop being grumpy it's just making me laugh! But real talk, Harry. Is dating me going to be a problem when it comes to spotlight and stuff?” Louis had asked worrying his lips.

“I told you I was ready. I just really want to be with you, all in and go all out. It's not going to be a problem, I think I've got a hang of this fame thing,” Harry had said taking Louis’ hand.

“I…thank you,” Louis had said pressing a kiss on his lips, “I feel really lucky.”

“Me too,” Harry had replied with affection  He had wanted to sigh happily like he often does since they started dating.

“As you should,” Louis had said pulling away to reach for a water bottle. Harry had laughed harder than he should have. _Louis is a smug bastard 24/7._

 

Now they're outside Louis’ mum’s house, Louis explains they sold the house he grew up in and bought a new one after he was able to afford to buy his family a bigger one. It's a red brick house, many houses he passed on the way to Doncaster boasted red brick exterior. This house though is bigger than most has nothing on Louis’ mansion in Bartnet.

The houses is home for all of Louis’ siblings, so it is quite bigger than the place Harry bought for his parents.

There's a red car parked in the driveway that Louis says is his mum's. Louis’ driver leaves them in the driveway and drives away in the Range Rover to the hotel he's staying till Harry is ready to leave.

_I am here,_ Harry tells himself, _and I'm doing this. There's no going back._

Harry must look a little nervous because Louis slips his hand into his, which they haven't done in public and that gives Harry the strength to walk towards the door. _He wants this._

Louis pushes Harry beside the door and hides him from view before knocking. Harry hugs the wine bottle he brought close to his chest with excitement while Louis waits for someone to answer the door grinning.

Someone opens the door slightly and whispers,”Where is he?”

“Where is who, Lottie? It's only me! Your wayward brother,” Louis says stretching his arms wide.

“Don't mess around! Where is your _boyfriend_?” Lottie asks craning her head, looking at the driveway. She only has to turn a little to spot Harry and he holds his breath.

Louis looks like he's about to burst, like a kid on Christmas morning waiting to open his pile of gifts.

Harry watches it happen, he'd like to say it happened in slow motion but it ends in a blink.

Lottie turns around slightly to look at her brother, one eye brow raised but both her eye brows almost touch her hairline when she sees Harry pressed against the wall. She shrieks before slamming the door shut so hard Harry jumps feeling the vibration in the wall.

She must have recognized him in that split second because she's gone before Harry could even exhale.

Louis doubles down laughing by the door, it's a charming sight but could Louis not be a dickhead right now? When Harry's heartbeat is getting faster by the second, he isn't sure if Charlotte's reaction was a good thing or a bad thing.

Harry kicks Louis in the shin which he barely reacts to, still laughing like a madman that he is. They hear commotion inside, people yelling and whisper shouting and probably even a glass breaking.

Harry pulls Louis by the shoulder and makes him stand straight, “Louis, listen to me. This isn't funny I'm leaving. This is a bad idea fuck!” Harry says running his fingers through his hair.

That seems to bring Louis back to Earth, he squeezes Harry's left hand and kisses his cheek, “I'm sorry, but this is the reaction I was going for.”

Louis does not get it, Harry wants to slap some sense into him. He would have done just that if Jolene hadn't opened the door right that instance.

Jolene is a beautiful woman, pictures don't do her justice. She's wearing a navy blue jumper, acid washed jeans and fluffy slippers.

Harry's frozen figure instantly melts when Jolene smiles, Louis has her smile he decides. Her eyes glisten happily and she looks flushed and Harry relaxes. She likes him.

“Oh my God Lou! I knew it! Oh God! He's precious!” Jolene says covering her mouth with her fingers. Her eyes don't leave Harry's and Harry doesn't look away.

“You knew it was Harry?” Louis asks with disbelief.

Jolene finally turns to her son, “Oh no, Lou. I knew it would be someone famous,” Jolene's eyes flick downwards and sees them holding hands, her eyes brim with tears and Harry worries she's going to cry.

“Mom,” Louis says pulling away from Harry to comfort his mother.

“Oh go away I'm alright. Come on in, I'm sorry about Lottie, she wasn't expecting you. She loves your music,” Jolene let's them in.

Harry hands Jolene the bottle of wine which she accepts with gratitude. Louis helps Harry out of his coat and hangs them in the coat rack alongside his. Harry takes off his shoes knowing there are kids in the house.

Jolene leaves them alone in the foyer, turning around once to smile at the couple.

“Don't mind my Mom, she's just very happy for me,” Louis says putting a hand on his arm. Harry shakes his head, he doesn't mind, really. It's actually really amazing how Jolene didn't hide anything in her expression.

“You ready, Styles?” Louis asks tugging at one of his curls.

“Your mom likes me?”

“Of course she does, what's not to like?” Louis pulls him into the living room.

 

“I knew he'd be British,” someone says from the living-room. Harry cranes his neck to see Felicitié leaning against the wall, she doesn't look as surprised.

The Tomlinson kids as Harry's been taught are, Charlotte, goes by Lottie and is the oldest one, Felicitié, also known as Fizzy next, then the twins, Phoebe and Daisy. And then another set of twins from Daniel Deakin and Jolene. The baby twins are, Ernest and Doris. Harry had their faces memorised from all the pictures he was shown by Louis.

 

“We're all underdressed to meet Harry Styles, Louis!” Lottie shouts from behind. She's wearing a plain white T-shirt and dark jeans.

“What?” Louis asks looking bewildered.

“You told us you're “boyfriend” was a normal person. Not a fuc-dging rockstar! We didn't want to overwhelm him with all the finery so we decided to wear bland clothes” she says dramatically.

“I think you all look really nice” Harry offers politely. He feels awkward.

“And he's listening to us complain about this. This is all a mess. We should do it from the beginning.” Lottie suggests snapping her fingers like a director at a movie set.

“Come on, Lots. We just got here” Louis reasons pulling Harry closer.

Fizzy, Lottie and one of the twins follow the motion with their eyes, mouth open.

Lottie shakes her head as if she's clearing her head, “No we can't have this, this is wrong, Harry Styles deserves better.”

“Lottie stop, you're scaring Harry” Jolene says disapprovingly. Harry laughs nervously. He does not want to get on the bad side of anyone. He doesn't want them to get in trouble because of him.

“We _need_ to do this right. From the beginning,” Lottie says firmly. Another girl, one of the Tomlinson twins appears out of nowhere and gasps too. Harry wants laugh but suppreses it, she looks like that Donald Glover entering with pizza gif _._

“That's a good idea. I can wear the yellow dress I bought to match the season.” the first one of the twins says.

“What is _he_ doing here?” the second twin, the newcomer asks gesturing at Harry frantically. She looks panicked and a tad bit white.

“Daisy honey say sorry--” Jolene starts.

“Can you two go out and come again please?” Lottie asks. Louis is very surprised by this behavior, Lottie had always been shy. What he's seeing in front of him is a frantic looking crazy person.

“Is this really happening right now?,” Louis asks, “Fizzy, the sensible one. Please come rescue me and welcome my boyfriend the _right_ way.”

“Hmmm...I don't know. I don't owe you any favors. And I'd like to see Harry here break under pressure so…” fizzy shrugs. Louis steps back like he's been slapped. Harry is so done with this dramatic family.

“Harry, I'm so sorry---” Jo starts.

“We should record this!” Lottie exclaims.

“Louis’ got that covered” fizzy smirks at Louis’ phone slyly recording Harry's reaction.

“This is gold,” Louis laughs like it's an explanation for recording this moment. Harry frowns, this is getting out of hand.

“Everyone,” Harry interrupts everyone loud and waits till he has everyone's attention. He ignores the second twin say, “Seriously what the heck is he doing here?” She's about to pass out and Harry would like to get his words out before that.

“Louis and I are going to wait in the car for 15 minutes. Then---”

“Then we’re coming in, I don't care what you lot are wearing. And you all better welcome us right. We need red carpet rolled out, warm slippers to our feet and I need the twins throwing tiny flowers or confetti at us, I'm not picky,” Louis demands.

“You only brought Harry Styles, Louis,” Fizzy looks at him up and down, “Now if it had been Prince Harry the welcome would---”

“Felicitié Tomlinson! I swear to--!” Jo starts looking angry.

“And... we're out.” Louis pulls Harry outside and closes the door behind them. Harry manages to get their coats before louis pulls him out. Now that they in the garden Harry thinks about what just happened  doubles over with laughter.

“What you're not nervous anymore?” Louis asks shoving his hands inside his pants smiling. They both put on their coats, it's a bit chilly outside.

“Nope! They're as weird as me,” Harry answers shaking his head, ”That's a lot of people, Lou.”

“Really? Because there's two more,” Louis says shrugging.

“Ernest and Doris, yeah can't wait to meet them.” Harry says adjusting his black coat. He's wearing the coat over a Gucci sweater and dark skinny jeans. Louis is wearing a white T-shirt, skinnies and a brown jacket. It looks like he didn't put much effort but Harry saw him change three times before settling with this one. Harry is learning Louis’ quirks.

And Louis had locked himself in the bathroom to do his hair, which had taken way more time than necessary.

Louis pulls him by his coat lapels and leads him to the car parked there, climbs on the bonnet and wipes the place next to him and nods at Harry to sit. Harry ignores the seat and fits himself between Louis' hanging legs and towers over his tiny frame. Louis looks up with a serene smile, “You're happy,” Harry states.

Louis grins, “I am,” he says pulling him closer.

Harry places his head on Louis’ right shoulder bending a little, “My impact,” Harry whispers into his ear, revisiting an old joke between them over fans on Twitter from a few weeks ago. Louis snorts but doesn't deny.

“No stalkers here?” Harry asks.

“I didn't see anybody and we're pretty hidden. Don't worry.”

“I'm not worried.”

Louis looks Harry in the eyes for a moment, “Okay.”

 

“But...Louis, I don't think Fizzy liked me that much...no?” Harry questions pulling back. He noticed her giving him a colder shoulder than the rest of the family in the short while they met. She had looked indifferent and uncaring. Harry had been watching them all closely.

Louis’ smile turns mischievous and that personally doesn't look very reassuring to harry and he raises his eyebrows simultaneously activating flight mode.

“Stop,” Louis laughs putting his hands around Harry's neck.

“She is jealous,” Louis whispers.

“What? Why?” Harry asks pulling back to look at Louis. Louis keeps pulling him back whenever Harry tries to puts some distance between them.

“She's the closest to me and I think, she feels threatened. Last week she was in at my place and I told her stuff about my _boyfriend_ she was happy for me but something was off,” Louis explains, “Then she started saying all these stuff, asking me if I was sure and about no one on Earth is going tto be good enough for her brother and I understood she's jealous and she's very protective of me. It's precious,” Louis smiles fondly looking over at the house.

“I haven't brought anyone home, Harry. Fiz never liked any of my stunt girlfriends. She's sweet, you're sweet and you two will get along like er...mint and ice-cream ” Louis says and ignores Harry's quip 'mint isn't sweet’, “You'll be just fine, love.”

Fizzy hadn't looked friendly when she had stared him down. Harry marks her as potential threat. What is he going to do to the threat? Eliminate it? His brain should stop viewings this as a mission. He should probably crack one of his jokes or ask her about the roses.

“Hug me closer, it's chilly,” Louis says tugging at his curls.

“It's not Chile, it's England,” Harry says hugging him.

“I'm sorry, I'm not laughing for that,” Louis says scratching his scalp.

Harry defensively says,“I didn't expect you to,” but he had. Louis snorts.

Harry pulls his phone out to take a picture of them like this, together. Louis makes silly faces in every picture and Harry pinches Louis side to make him obey. The selfie comes out pretty okay, Louis looks so handsome that Harry stares for a while.

Louis gets down, grazing his crotch against Harry's, “Let's go in?” he smirks. One day Harry is going to kill that glint in Louis’ eyes. _Ugh_.

“I hate you,” Harry answers walking ahead of him.

They knock twice and wait and no one answers, Louis tries the bell and they wait for a few seconds before ringing the bell again.

Harry stops Louis when he tries to go in, he's going to give them some time. Women need a bit more time than men. Harry excludes Louis from that narrative.

Jo finally opens the door wearing the same jumper she had been wearing, “Come on in, Louis and his ' _totally non-famous_ ’ boyfriend,” she greets them playfully.

“Thank you Mrs.Deakins, I'm Harry. Harry Styles,” Harry says offering his hand.

Jo takes it, “Call me Jo, love. And it's nice to finally meet you.” she smirks.

“You as well,” Harry smiles and follows her into the living room. Louis slips his hand into his and they sit in the loveseat by the unlit fireplace.

“I'm sorry you had to go through all that, you know before,” Jolene adds shaking her head fondly.

Harry grins, “It's alright, I didn't expect anything less from this one’s family.” he gestures at Louis.

“Hey I'm charming!” Louis nudges his shoulder.

Harry turns his head to look at Louis, “That's what I said.” Harry says making both Louis and his mother beam at each other.

Jo laughs, “You’re a natural charmer, Harry.”

“I try,” Harry shrugs smiling wide. He does not feel as nervous as before, he likes Jo. She's kind looking.

“You drink tea, yeah?” Jo asks.

And Harry knows the right British answer, “Yeah of course,” Harry says, “but I can make myself one, just show me the kitchen. You don't have to trouble yourself.”

“It's no trouble, love. Be back in a bit,” Jo leaves to make them tea.

Harry turns to see Louis smiling wide and watching him. “What?” Harry asks feeling self-conscious and warm.

“All good things,” Louis says kissing his cheek.

“Don't be weird. Where are the girls?” Harry asks looking around.

The living-room is large, with a fireplace and comfy sofas and a coffee table with nail polish stains. The decor is tasteful with splash of color everywhere. Picture frames, vases, the lighting, plush carpet all make the house look more lived in. The house, he can tell has been baby proofed.  

The girls come in, lead by Lottie. She had changed into to pastel pink culotte jumpsuit.  Phoebe had changed into the yellow dress she said she wanted to wear. Fizzy and Daisy are in the same attire as before, they eye him curiosly.

“I'm Lottie,” Lottie introduces herself, it's awkward after the stunt she pulled before.

Harry stands up to hug her, “I'm Harry,” he says chuckling. They all introduce themselves like they practiced this before and Harry finds that endearing. He hugs them all, even Fizzy and she smiles. “You look just like Jo,” he says awed. Felicitié is a young replica of her mother. Fizzy thanks him quietly.

“Are you all done?” Louis asks from behind, where he's sitting cross legged on the loveseat.

“We're not,” Lottie hisses to Louis and turns to Harry, “It's so nice to finally meet you, I'm a big fan! We have a lot to talk about over tea. And speaking of tea…” she flounders off to where Jo disappeared before.

Harry sits back in the chair and stares at the girls standing. Fizzy is the first one to move, she takes seat in the edge of the couch the others follow.

“Where are the babies?” Harry asks them.

“They're asleep,” Phoebe answers shyly.

Louis starts laughing from his side making everyone jump, “The amount of awkwardness in this room oh Lord!”

They all laugh with him, it _is_ quite awkward.

Jo comes in with Lottie carrying a tray with tea cups, milk and sugar. Jo offers his cookies, cakes and pastries. Harry and Louis help themselves to some and he watches Louis talk to his mother about yesterday.

Jo who is satvon the couch across smiles at him, “I can't believe it's you, I mean I didn't even---I don't know what--I am happy its you”

“We all like your music and I've been to your shows. You're amazing,” Lottie says.

“Thank you, Lottie,” Harry grins at her. It's always easier to charm a fan.

They talk about LA, the flight, Cheshire, music, Niall and Ed Sheeran. Lottie apparently knows Niall quite well.

Lottie tells him about how she she worked with Resurrection's Hair & Make-up team. And how she's promoting clothing lines and make-up products in Instagram. Harry even decides to follow her on there, she looks quite passionate.

Phoebe and Daisy have quite a lot to say too. Fizzy adds into the conversations here and there.

They're all so sweet, Harry is in love with every single one of them.

Jolene leaves to prepare dinner and turns down Harry's offer to help. Lottie and Fizzy follow her into the kitchen.

The twins ask Louis if they can tell their friends about them and Louis sighs.

“You can't yet but It's not like the other times. This time it's real. You okay with that?” The girls nod sadly.

“But we’ll tell you as soon as we decide to go public, you can tell everyone you know,” Harry says trying to make them smile again. They grin and retire to their rooms.

Harry can hear noises from the kitchen and whisperings. He smiles delighted, they probably are talking about them.

Louis puts an arm around him, “Thank you for being here.”

“Pleasure is all mine, dork. They're all really sweet. My family is going to be so embarrassing though.”

“I can't wait,” Louis kisses his cheeks lightly.

 

Louis shows Harry around the house. The dining room, the library, the playroom the hallway all look lived in, unlike Louis’ house. Harry pauses to look at the picture frames that's on the walls. His heart clenches seeing Louis with his family. Louis looks happy and content in every single one of them. There's pictures of him in every age. There's a picture of him with his school band, The Rogue. There's pictures of him playing football. There's pictures of him playing with his sisters, reading them stories, bathing them.

Seeing all this makes him look a little more like a real person than a celebrity. Not that celebrites aren't real people but honestly are they really? To the public eye?

Even though they're dating, in his brain it's always been he's dating Louis Tomlinson, popstar. But seeing this picture gives this image he has of Louis another dimension.

He's awed by this realization he forgets where he is until Louis touches his face.

“You alright?”

Harry chuckles, “Sorry, just got lost in my brain again.”

“It's ok, next time take me with you. Come on I'll show you the nursery.”

Louis leads him to a room with the door left open, the room is painted grey and pink with white furnishings. There are two cots beside each other pushed against the wall. A couch by the window and two sets of cupboards opposite to the cots. There are rattles and soft toys littered on the floor. Harry's heart swells at the image. He had always like babies. They're are the most pure thing in this world.

“Harry?” Louis calls his name.

“Louis, I love this room,” Harry says looking around.

Louis chuckles softly, “Mom decorated it, come see the babies,” Louis says picking up a baby from the cot in the right.

“This is Doris,” Louis shows Harry a red curly haired girl cradled in his arms, “She has your curls!” Louis laughs softly.

“Couldn't have gotten them from anywhere else now, could she?” Harry says quietly not wanting to wake them up.

Harry comes closes and touches her face and Doris scrunches up her nose. Harry's lips stretches into a smile, “Can I carry her? I'm good with kids.”

“Yeah, sure,” Louis passes the baby into his arms, Harry coos.

Louis takes Ernest from the other cots and rocks him gently when he starts to wake up from his slumber.

“How old are they?” Harry whispers.

“They turned one this February, I didn't get to be there.” Louis says sadly.

“You're a horrible brother, if it we're me I'd never leave them, much less miss their first birthdays,” Louis flips him off.

Harry says kissing Doris’ forehead and rocks her in his arms humming lullabies while Louis lies with Ernest on his chest on the couch.

They're depositing the babies back in the crib when Lottie interrupts them. They both look up questioningly.

“Dan's here with Clifford,” Lottie says taking her phone out of her pocket, “Can you two stand together by the window? I need a picture.”

Harry immediately moves to the position and Louis follows, Harry put his arm around Louis’ shoulder and Louis winds his arm around his waist and they pose.

“Stop making that ugly face!” Lottie reprimands Louis for pulling one of his funny faces. Louis laughs at that and Harry turns to look at him. Harry smiles at Louis’ classic laughing face, head thrown back, crinkles by the eyes and they're almost fully closed and the halo behind him from the light that streams through the window. Harry smiles.

They both look up to see an empty doorway, Lottie probably gave up. Louis shrugs and leads Harry back downstairs to the living room.

Clifford, Louis’ dog goes crazy when he spots Louis.

They both have their reunion in the corner while Harry introduces himself to Dan.

Harry and Clifford had built a rapport between the two of them back in LA, and Clifford loyal as ever doesn't forget to greet him.

Later after dinner, after they all have bonded quiet nicely Jo takes him to the patio in the back. It's beautiful at night, soft panel lights illuminating the place, not too much just enough to find your way. It feels private out here.

Louis is in there with his siblings, talking to them about what they're up to.

Harry takes a seat in one of the lounge chairs curious as to what Jolene has to say to him that's private and she sits on the porch swing and swings a little.

Jo seems to be thinking about what to say so Harry looks around him, giving her time.

There's a built in fire pit opposite to the lounge area with benches and everything. A family this big can probably squeeze in together.

Half of the patio shaded by roof is covered with wood, the other half gravel ground. And beyond that it's grass and plants. Harry sees different flowers, over all it's good landscaping. There's also a trampoline and a inflatable pool for kids. Harry smiles at how weird this is from his normal life. He doesn't get to hangout in household like these much.

“Harry,” Jolene finally breaks the silence, “do you like my son?”

Harry jumps a little and turn around sharply. “Of course I do Mrs.Deakin,” he answers quickly.

“Call me Jo please. How much do you like him?” Jo presses.

“How much do I-- Jo I don't understand why you're asking this,” Harry says concerned. He feels like there's something she really wants to ask but is delaying it.

“I just need to know, Harry. I'm sorry if it's invasive but he's my son and I need to know if you're serious-”

“Jo--”

“Please, Harry.”

Harry was hoping something like this would happen. Jolene probably thinks he's a Playboy, so domost people on Earth. He was hoping he wasn't seen like that by Louis’ family. Jo means well, he can tell. But it still stings that she might even have thought that about him for even a moment. He isn't anything like that, he wishes he could erase that narrative.

“Jo, I bet you know him way more than I do and you would know I like him because it's inevitable. He’s just great and...I'm sorry-- okay I'll tell you. I don't date a lot of people, contrary to what the media says. I haven't dated in a long time, I am ashamed by all what they write and that's not me. I hope you will give me a chance to show you who I really am.” Harry wills himself to look her in the eye.

Jolene nods quickly, “I know Harry, I understand. They write such bullshit about my beautiful boy too. I'm sorry if you thought I was insinuating you were playing around. I didn't mean that at all.”

“You're protective of him, i understand,” he smiles relieved, “I’ll try to explain myself, maybe even why I like him. But I can't say how much because can anyone?.”

Jo flushes. Harry wants to apologise again, but doesn't.

“We met at the Brits last year as we told you earlier at the table. But I was tad bit drunk? I don't know, I didn't make a very good first impression,” Harry admits sheepishly, “But Louis made a quiet a good first impression that the next day I googled him. I know about the band and everything, I'm a Brit. But I just wanted to do a little digging? Or should I say stalk?” Harry blushes. Jolene laughs delightedly, it now getting the right version of the story.

“So, I phoned Nick, Nick Grimshaw? BBC Breakfast show host?,” Jo nods and Harry continues, “Well I asked him to invite Louis to his launch party, I wasn't sure if he'd show up but I just took a chance, yeah? And he showed up! He took my breath away that night and he was so quick. And I wasn't sure if he was gay, Nick was very vague about it.” Harry shrugs and chuckles at how Jolene now has both hands under her cheeks.

“Go on, Harry. Louis would never go into so much detail” Jolene says.

“Oh maybe he wouldn't like--” Harry says unsure.

“I'm his mother. I don't care if he doesn't like, I need to know,” Jolene states.

_Well then,_ “So he tells me he knows I'm bisexual, and that he's gay and that he like me and would like to date me. And asked me for my number. All in the span of thirty minutes? I'm not kidding when I say he gave my slow working brain a whiplash. And then he comes out to the world the way he did.”

“Oh yeah, it was great. He makes me so proud with every decision he takes because it's always right. Never once have I ever been disappointed in him. He's been hiding for so long and now my baby can finally be who he really is. He finally has a boyfriend--” Jolene starts to tear up. Harry rushes to her side.

“Jo,” he holds her while she collects herself.

“I'm okay, I'm just being a mother, don't mind me,” Jo pushes him away.

“It's okay, you should talk to my mom. You two would get along beautifully.”

“Yeah?” Jolene asks. Harry nods excitedly, thinking about all the possibilities. Anne would be thrilled.

Jo nudges Harry's shoulder, “Continue?”

“Okay, yeah then a while later he asks me on a date and I say yes. He took me to a low-key Italian place. I had a great time. And then and then here we are.

“Jo, you're probably worried he's going headfirst into a relationship as soon as he came out, but it's different between us? I really really like him. He's funny, charming and he's just so great. I've never took anyone home to my mother because my mom would start planning wedding as soon as she smells something. And I was never sure those relationships would last. But I'm taking Louis home, because I'm sure he's something that means way more than anyone has ever meant to me.

“I'm probably saying too much but I don't want you to worry. I can't promise you this relationship is going to last forever but I promise you that I kinda want it to?” Harry says earnestly.

Jo stays silent for a long time and finally she nods, “You're a good lad, Harry. I do not think you have a mean bone in your body. I'm sorry if I worried you or if I was invasive, I would have asked Louis but I don't want him to think I'm questioning his decision. It's silly,” she waves it off and sighs happily and looks at him with motherly affection on her face and Harry wants to hug her, “ I happy he found you. And honestly? England needs this. Everyone is tired of Victoria and David Beckham, Lord knows I am. ”

Harry laughs, Louis and Jo almost have the same humor.

“Let's go back inside?” Jo asks.

“I'd like to stay here for a bit if that's okay,” Harry asks.

“It's okay, Harry,” she smiles and leaves him alone.

Harry thinks about all that he had said, he meant every word. He so wants them to last forever. He likes Louis quite a lot that it sometimes scares him but when Louis is around it's so easy he forgets all else. He's also come to love this huge family very much..

Harry understands Jolene is worried for the right reasons, he hopes he never breaks her trust. That's what it was, wasn't it? She trusts him now. That doesn't seem as overwhelming as it should, but he's determined to never do wrong by her or her son.

Harry looks into the house through the French doors, at the family illuminated by warm lights gathered around Louis, hanging by his every word, Lottie and Fizzy sat either side of him laughing at whatever he's saying.

Harry can picture himself there quite easily. His heart aches with how much he wants that.

He hope Louis likes his family as much as he loved Louis’.

They're going to Cheshire tomorrow, Jo offers him a room but he declines and opts for a hotel room in Doncaster. Louis understood he might need some space, and talked to the hotel manager about keeping it all private.

Louis drives him to the hotel room and they make out a bit until Harry chases him away.

They're going to Cheshire tomorrow, and nothing will ever be the same.

_______  


Harry meets Louis outside of Doncaster town and he switches cars. Louis apparently had a stalker/fan situation that had to be dealt with.

While Louis puts his seat belt on and makes himself comfortable in the backseat of the car beside Harry,  _ without kissing him Hi,  _ he must add, he notices Louis had brought something with him. It's a gift hamper and a large bouquet of colorful flowers. Harry nods approvingly, Anne is going to be charmed.

Harry had taken a bottle of wine to Louis’ childhood home, he had decided on that after stressing about what to take for hours. It was good wine, only the best for the people he's desperate to impress. Now that he thinks about it, the gift is a little unthoughtful for a house full of kids. He had wanted to take them a cake but Louis refused to stop at any bakery on their way to Doncaster. 

Harry stares at Louis, he's wearing a snug maroon sweater pushed up at the arms and black jeans and boots. He draped a black blazer over the vacant front passenger seat. His hair is coiffed and light dusting of beard on his face and his blue eyes are bright and sharp. He obviously had dressed at the intent of impressing someone's pants off, a little disturbing since they're visiting his parents but if they weren't anywhere but inside a car, Louis would have been successful.

“What?” Louis asks when he finally notices him staring so manically.  _ You don't look like someone that could be my boyfriend, you look like a popstar in billboards and magazines, a whole other world  _ Harry wants to say, but refrains. Louis is in his world, he needs to stop getting starstruck everytime Louis shows up in a new outfit.

“Nothing, just wondering what tricks you have up your sleeves,” Harry laughs when Louis immediately tugs them down, “Not literally! Louis, roll them up I liked it.”

“The tattoos?” Louis asks biting his lips.

“...are fine, I have them too,” Harry shrugs, “Besides you don't have to worry about anything, you already have ammunition on her. What's that in the hamper?” Harry takes the basket off the floor to examine.

Harry whistles impressed and Louis let's himself grin, there's a bottle of wine, meticulously placed macaroons of different colors in fancy looking container, candies and chocolates, a scented candle in a mason jar, a JAR perfume bottle and scarves in vibrant colors, all laid over cream satin neatly. 

“You like it?” Louis asks smugly, he knows his gift is a hit, “I didn't want to only get something as basic as a wine bottle, sorry,” he says cheekily.

“I know! But really Louis, this is really sweet,” Harry beams. 

“I even put in some cat food for good measure,” Louis nods at the basket in Harry's hand.

“You didn't! Oh no you did, you play dirty!” Harry shrieks.

Louis shakes his head and pats Harry's cheek lightly, “I play smart, are we ready to ride?”

“You didn't even greet me with a kiss, that's not a smart move, Tomlinson,” Harry warns playfully, putting the basket to his right and moving to the middle, closer to Louis.

Louis’ eyes winden, “Shit sorry, come here,” he kisses Harry. Louis takes his time with the kiss unlike Harry who likes to rush it and go hard within minutes. Louis learns the inside of his mouth, slowly and totally in control and no matter how much Harry keens and tries kiss him harder Louis refuses to lose control. Harry lets out a frustrated breath which prompts Louis to pull back.

The flowers in Louis hand and the driver standing outside prevents them from taking things further. 

Louis snickers, “Not inside s fucking car, Harry. Certainly not when I can't do anything further.” Harry scrunches his knows and accepts it, he does have a point.

“Who are the flowers for? The basket is enough, Louis,” Harry says exasperated hoping they're for him. And they are.

“Oh, they're for you. For you know coming home with me…” Louis smiles at him gratefully, handing him the boqueat that honestly looks like someone carefully taped together Spring itself. They're beautiful. 

Harry lunges in to kiss him again while Louis flails his arms. Louis brought him a fucking flowers for meeting with his family. He's dying of diabetes, this is too sweet.

“You didn't have to get me anything at all, Louis. Seriously, thank you though.”

“I wanted to.” 

“Kiss me again?” Harry asks. So that's exactly what they do until it's too awkward for the guy standing outside.

Harry sits back satisfied, “Now we are ready to ride.And jeez invite the poor guy in already.”

Louis signals the driver to get in, laughing at Harry. 

“So tell me about Cheshire,” Louis turns to him when they're five minutes into the journey. And Harry opens up about his time in Cheshire and his job at the bakery and other things that makes Louis laugh like that, head thrown back. So, Harry exaggerates the stuff that happened to keep the smile there.

_____

 

By the time they arrive at Anne's house Harry had managed to sneak a yellow macaroon out of Louis’ gift basket for his mother so the seal on packaging is torn and Louis is fussing over it. 

“Wanker,” Louis grumbles as he tries and fails to cover the empty end of the box. 

“Should have gotten me something,” Harry shrugs, “I get hungry while travelling.”

“You said you felt nauseated yesterday because we ate during the drive.”

“It was the nerves. Are you nervous?” Harry inquires sliding his feet into his boots he had taken off earlier. 

Louis gives up trying and sets the crate down, “I don't know, I am good with people but this is not-” Louis trails off trying to perfect his hair in the rear view mirror. 

Harry catches Louis’ eyes on the mirror and smiles reassuringly. Louis smiles back, swivels towards him and kisses him one last time before getting out of the car. Harry comes around the car and waits for Louis to put on his blazer and get the basket out. They walk to the door together.

He remembers the bouquet of flowers and rushes back to the car to get it, nods at the driver and joins Louis and together the reach the door.

Anne must know it's Harry but he rings the bell in a rhythm that's unique to his mother anyway. Louis raises an eyebrow at him, Harry opens his mouth to explain its significance when Anne opens the door. 

Louis steps back a little involuntarily while Harry steps forward instinctively to hug his mother. His mom didn't even get a proper look of Louis before he shoves her face into the bouquet. 

When they finally let go of each other Anne turns to Louis and her eyes light up with recognition.

“I'm Louis Tomlinson,” Louis introduces himself awkwardly, not being able to extend a hand or hug her, “My hands are kind of occupied.”

His mom stares dumbfoundead for a moment then looks at Harry, then at Louis, then at the basket in Louis’ hand then back at Louis. 

“I'm-” his mom's voice squeaks, she clears her throat, “I'm Anne.”

Harry nods biting his lip, “Yes, she's Anne. Mrs.Anne Twist.”

“Hello Mrs.Twist,” Louis smiles brilliantly. If he were a salesman at the door Anne would probably buy anything he sold just because of that smile.

“Hello,” she stares while Louis stares back. Harry watches the interaction biting his thumb gleefully, “Oh! Oh yes, come on in,” Anne invites them coming back to her senses again. 

Harry enters first and Louis follows behind closely. Harry Gemma’s boyfriend, Michael in the living room. Michael draws back from the hug and stares at bouquet wielding Anne and a basket holding Louis. He too must have recognized Louis because he opens his mouth to say something but nothing but only puffs of air seems to be coming out.

“Michael, this is Louis Tomlinson,” Harry gestures at Michael and waves his hand towards Louis, “Louis, this is Michael Chambers.” 

Michael startles to action, moves forward and offers his hand to Louis not looking away from his eyes, Louis looks around helplessly because he's still carrying the basket. “Oh,” Michael flushes so hard his face matches the burgundy couch in the room. He then immediately relieves Louis of the hamper and Louis thanks him.

“You didn't have to, Louis. That was not necessary at all but thank you,” Anne says still holding the bouquet like a shield.

“You're welcome, Mrs.Twist,” Louis smiles again, actually he hadn't stopped smiling.

“Oh no, call me Anne, dear,” Anne 

“Anne dear,” Louis nods.  _ Ah looks who's being cheeky.  _ Louis is clearly trying to disperse the awkward tension in the room. Michael had returned again and is standing with his hands on the either sides, looking like he's planning to sprint. Harry wonders where Gemma is while watching all this unfold. He's impressed Louis hadn't turned his way for help, he's much better at this than Harry had been in Doncaster.

“What--Oh” his mom wonders out loudly before understanding Louis’ joke and laughs and stops immediately.  _ There it is! That's where the squawk comes from!  _ Harry and Louis catch each other's eyes at the same time and chuckle.

Harry starts laughing them, the wheezing bent, hands on knees kind of laughs, “Oh my--you could cut the tension with a knife,” he gasps.

They all watch him warily but with warm amusement.

“Yeah I thought I heard my crazy brother. Only two things can make that sound, Harry here and poultry slaughter.”

They all turn around to look at Gemma in the doorway. Dressed in cream cashmere sweater and blue jeans and  her short lavender hair loose over her shoulders, she could pass as Harry's younger sister.

She strides in towards Louis hand extended, “I'm Gemma,” she introduces herself. 

Louis takes the hand gracefully, “Louis,” he grins.  _ Gemma had always been the better Styles. Ugh. _

Gemma turns to Harry removing her hands from Louis’ clasp, “You fell for the smile,” she states and then narrows her eyes at Louis, “Your hands are not sweaty.”

Louis checks his palms and nods, “It appears so.”

“What's happening? You didn't fluster like Mom and Mikey,” Harry looks at her suspiciously. Gemma laughs softly, she definitely doesn't squawk.

“I saw you two in the driveway already,” she shrugs, “But I must say I  _ am  _ in fact really surprised. Why him?” Gemma asks Louis pointing at Harry.

Louis opens his mouth to answer seriously but Gemma interrupts exasperated, “Christ! You really were  going to answer that.”

Louis shrugs while Harry stares daggers at Gemma for interrupting. He'd like to know.

“Oh Louis, I'm sorry dear. Please have a seat. I'll put these in a vase,” Anne runs off to the kitchen.

Louis looks around for the first time, at the rugs, the pictures, the couch and the decor. Harry pulls him towards the sofa and Louis sits at the end. Harry settles beside Louis and stretches.

“Can you bring us tea?” Harry asks Gemma scratching his stomach.

“Oh no don't trouble yourself, I'm good,” Louis shakes his head.

“Nonsense, a cup of tea is no trouble.” She narrows her eyes at Harry, “For Louis Tomlinson,” Gemma disappears to where his mom had left earlier.

Michael sits on the setty opposite to them quite awkwardly. Harry is reminded of the times when he used to give Mike a hard time adopting his Protective Brother mode. 

“So…” Michael says breaking the silence.

“So…” Louis answers unsure. How is anyone supposed to answer to that.

“What do you do?” Michael asks and Harry can tell he immediately regrets the question. Harry feels bad for him now but he isn't going to help either men. Harry wants to see Louis feel awkward like Harry did at his home and he wants Michael to sweat just because. He's petty, he just pretends otherwise. 

“I sing? I am a singer, songwriter and a producer. What do you do?” Louis redirects the question again politely. 

“I- I work? I'm a lawyer,” Michael tries to mirror Louis’ response and fails. Harry and Louis raise an eyebrow at the same time. “Not that singers don't work! They do. They do, I've seen Harry work of course. It's a whole process. Real hard work I'm sure. The studio and concerts. That's a lot of work.” he tries to explain himself and make sure they know he didn't mean offense. Gosh this is pitiful, you'd think Michael was really red in color all the time.

“I am sure Lawyers works just as hard,” Louis answers in a tone if you listen deeper there probably was a condescending lilt to it.

Anne and Gemma return with tea and a trays full of the same stuff Jolene had offered. England is probably just one person, Harry mused. 

Louis thanked for the cup and added one cube of sugar and stirred his tea.

Gemma settled on the armrest of the sofa her boyfriend sat in. Anne settled on the other settee.

“Now that I have close connections I might just use you to get to Liam Payne. Louis?” Gemma asks after Louis had had his first sip.

“Gemma!” Anne reprimands.

“I don't want to get on Mr.Chamber’s bad side,” Louis nods towards Michael.

“Who?” Gemma asks when Michael says “Call me Michael” at the same time. Harry gapes at his crackhead sister.

“Oh wow, Gems,” Michael deadpans, “It's really okay though. I am just gonna have to ask Harry how to get to Louis.”

“You can ask me yourself if you'd like,” Louis winks.

“Oh I like!” Michael laughs.

“Stop flirting,” Anne scolds and turns to Louis, “So… What do you do, Louis?”

They all groan.

Anne gets defensive, “Hey, when Harry said he's bringing someone home i didn't think it was someone I see on TV.”

“He's a singer, songwriter and producer,” Michael answers for him.

“How did you two meet?” Gemma asks. Harry and Louis narrate their story together. Gemma teases them about their first meeting, Anne preens at Louis praising her son, Michael asks questions about details they cannot share, Harry at one point lays his hand of Louis’ knee and Louis tenses a second too long before relaxing. Everyone stare at that contact a bit too long for it to go unnoticed.

They talk about Louis’ family and Anne admits she'd like to meet Jolene, they talk about Doncaster and Gemma says she'd like to visit, they talk about Harry's album and Louis’ recent projects.

Harry chokes on his tea a few times, Louis stuffs his face with biscuits to escape answering some embarrassing questions, Gemma has no decorum.

Anne hands him a card smirking, “It appears the flowers weren't from you, Harry.” 

_ Yikes!  _ He turns to Louis questioningly and Louis shrugs blushing.

The card says,  _ Thank you for coming home with me. I couldn't have chosen a better person. LWT. _

Harry smiles relieved, he was expecting something dirty. No matter how many times people have told him Louis was a loud and filthy mouthed in the past months Harry has yet to see him cuss quite freely. Harry can't shake the feeling that Louis still isn't fully comfortable around him.

Louis suddenly sits forward, “I'm really glad you welcomed me into your home, Anne. I'm sorry if I'm not- it's my first time  _ meeting the parents  _ and I'm a nervous wreck.”

Anne protests before Harry could, “Nonsense, you don't appear nervous. And of course you're welcome.”

“Yeah it's nice actually, you coming to visit in just couple months was it? Harry's last girlfriend didn't have the courtesy to do that,” Gemma quips.

“First of all that was ages ago, second of all it wasn't serious and third, I didn't invite her,” Harry defends himself. Louis smirks at him sitting back comfortably again, now that attention has shifted to Harry.

“Again it's really nice that you came,” Gemma smiles kindly at Louis and turns to Harry to give him a sarcastic look playfully. 

But Louis wasn't having it,  “Well, Harry came to my place too. He was perfect yesterday.”

Harry flicks his hair smugly and they all laugh. Anne smiles at Harry from where she sits across from him.  _ Mother approves.  _ Harry smiles, Louis is just getting started.

Anne and Gemma leave to prepare lunch and Michael goes to help. Harry convinces his mom to let them leave the house for a couple hours.

They take Anne's car and Harry drives Louis around town showing him places connected to his childhood, the bakery he used to work at, his school, the diner he used to frequent with his friends. 

They're both tired, Harry more so than Louis. He slept of his jet lag but traveling so long by car had made his muscles sore. Louis smiles and listens quietly to everything Harry says from the passenger seat, probably committing everything to memory. 

Harry finally stops near a park which is actually a field, clearing stretching till the lake farther away. 

Gemma texts him to be back in an hour for lunch is almost ready. Harry grins at another text from her sister and shows the text to Louis, “We need to talk, Harry. A bloody popstar!” it says. He can't wait to gloat.

Louis chuckles, “You've saved her number as 'Gemenace’.”

“Because she is,” Harry scowls.

“How have to saved my number?”

“You wouldn't let me save it as anything but Louis Tomlinson.”

“You can change it if you'd like,” Louis shrugs.

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah, if you'd like to that is...”

Harry takes his phone out immediately, Louis laughs at him snatching the phone away, “Not right now!”

Harry smiles at Louis laughing profile on the passenger seat.

“I like driving you around like this.” Harry says softly. They haven't driven alone much in LA, it's always with a driver or one of their manager. It feels normal, something normal people did, meet the parents and drive around town without worrying about exposure.

“I like you driving me around too,” Louis laces their fingers together, “So, where have you brought me?”

Harry grins mischievously, “This is where I used to bring my dates before I became a rockstar.”

“I thought you were born Rockstar.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Get out or do you want me to open the door for you?”

Louis checks his nails, “Hmm...I am not opposed to that.” Harry huffs with amusement but compiles. Louis looks around, kicks stones in their way, bends down to examine things on the ground while Harry watches him take it all in. Cheshire isn't very different from Doncaster but the small lake is definitely different. It's small but very scenic. He should probably call it large pond. 

Louis stops by the pier over the lake but Harry shakes his head, this isn't the place. Louis jogs to walk beside him, Harry slips his hand into Louis’. 

“That tree has history,” Harry points to a tree near the lake after a while of trekking along the shore. It's an Alder tree, he only found out in high school.  Old and sturdy, Harry has ran his fingers over the hard bark and memoried it's grooves. He came here to play his guitar and sing peacefully.

“This is where I walk to when I listen to my album one last time before release. This is where I used to write really bad songs about love and heartbreak, both of which I had no business writing about at that age.”

Louis laughs, he lets go of Harry's hand, “Can I?” he asks Louis gesturing at the tree. Harry frowns until he realizes Louis is asking permission to approach the tree. Harry's heart clenches at Louis’ thoughtfulness.

“You can,” he nods. 

Louis slowly runs his hand over the bark and touches the leaves he can reach. He tries shaking a low branch to see how sturdy it is. He examines the tree closer and smiles when he finds the big 'H’ Harry had carved on the bark when he had first found the tree. He must have been twelve or younger then, only slowly starting to learn to play the guitar. He had found this place by accident after leaving the house pissed off his sister didn't let him practice inside the house when she had friends over.

Louis leans against the exact place Harry used to lean against when he's performing a slow song for his imaginary audience. 

Suddenly his chest felt too tight. He's reminded of how far he's come. He had cried under this tree many times than he could count, over childish stuff, when he hadn't gotten the part in a play, when kids hadn't picked him during recess, when he found out he wasn't straight because a boy kissed him and the times he got rejected on auditions. 

He still can't believe he had accomplished this much, much more than the dreamy eyes of a fifteen year old could dream. And he was a daring dreamer who knew no limits. 

And Louis was here, special, beautiful Louis was looking at it like it's something more than just a tree, Harry wishes they'd met sooner. Maybe when they were kids, so he could have brought Louis here and they could have performed together or to each other. He hadn't had many friends then, he would have loved to have Louis as one. They would have become more a little while later when either could not hide their feelings. A proper high school love story, then then college roommates, then they'd move in together and later marry. 

It's scares him how much he wants that and he might even give up the present he has now for growing up with Louis. He shakes his irrational thoughts as soon as they form inside his head.

Harry's watches Louis, a little breathless like he always gets when he's around Louis and fully realizes how amazing it feels. 

Louis at Harry and frown a little, Harry's face must show something heavy. 

“Come here,” Louis holds out his right hand and Harry steps into Louis’ personal space to take it. Louis palms his face with his left hand, strokes his cheeks gently then tucks a curl behind his ear, he runs his finger over Harry's temple then over his lips.

Harry watches Louis do all this, at the few freckles on his face that could easily pass as moles from afar, at his long lashes fluttering  _ pretty _ , his pursed lips, his intense eyes hinting they hold all your secrets and his hair, not quite brunette nor dirty blond, a shade only Louis has. 

Louis’ eyes flit back and forth over Harry's lips and then his eyes. He slides his hand behind Harry's neck and grips it before just lightly resting there. 

And then they kiss and it only intensifies everything Harry has been feeling from the moment he met Louis. 

Harry moans into the kiss when Louis let's go of his hand and slips his fingers into Harry's hair. Harry pushes Louis against his tree and tilts his head up to kiss harder. 

“This is where I had my first kiss. This exact place.” Harry whispers over Louis’ lips.

“Bring all your lovers here?” Louis tugs at Harry hair, Harry places his hands over Louis’ hips. 

“Just one. And now, you.” Harry ducks to nuzzle Louis nape.

“How old were you?” Louis asks shivering at Harry's ministrations. Louis brings a hand to Harry's jaw where there's lame exuse of a beard that could barely pass as a scruff is growing. 

“Twelve,” Harry gasps when Louis passes his cold fingers over his stomach under his shirt.

Louis pushes away suddenly laughing, “Twelve?”

Harry grins moving closer, Louis spins them around and pins Harry against the tree.

“It was a girl, couple years older than me.”

“Christ!” Louis shakes with laughter pressing his face into Harry's chest. Harry bends his head down lower to catch Louis’ reaction.

“I felt like a real man and less like a baby I was doomed to be forever. What about you?” Harry asks shoving his hands under Louis’ blazer.

“I was fifteen. It was a girl, Holly I think. Could have been Helen I can't remember. It was very underwhelming. I thought I didn't like kissing because I barely ever initiated a kiss with my girlfriend later.”

Harry chuckles, “You're so gay.’

“I wonder what she must think now, now that the whole world knows I'm gay.’

“Probably worrying her kiss turned you gay,” Harry provides helpfully.

Louis huffs, “Relieved maybe. Should I apologize to her in person?”

Harry draws back forcefully, “Definitely not.”

Louis laughs throatily his lips already starting to form a sentence when they're interrupted by a call from Gemma.

Harry looks at Louis and he nods, “Hey,” Harry are into the phone, “Yeah, we're on our way…shut up. No the lake,” Harry blushes, “Nothing like that! Stop it. I'm hanging up,” he hangs up and puts his phone back into his pocket. 

“We need to head back, Robin is home,” Harry says.

They head back to the car, hands swinging by their hands by their sides, smiling softly Harry asks, “You like my family?”

“Mine is crazy. Yours is awkward,” Louis shrugs.

“Hey!” Harry nudges his with his elbow.

“They're great! They're great. I told you I'm good with people. Michael is fit isn't he?”

“That lake right there, yeah? No one frequents this place. No one will find the body until after Christmas,” Harry warns.

“Michael's?,” Louis blinks innocently. 

Harry's lips curve upwards slowly , “Yeah. His.”

They return to Anne’s. 

  
  
  


 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance.

**Present**

 

_Listen dear please let me explain_  
_There's so much wrong but there's no one to blame_  
_I find it hard that we left it so well_  
_Its just a break not an end in timeeeee_  
_I'm so naive that I thought I'd be fine_  
_But coming home ain't ones time_  
_And as they said it would make you so strong_  
_But just a day is a day to long_  
  
_So please don't go_  
_My heart grows strong_  
_After the thought your out of sight but never off my mind_  
_And now I know the heart is strong_ _  
_ I was just watching you go

**_Listen Dear by the Coronas_ **

 

December is cold, no seasonal warmth this year for them. Snow had covered most of what is in sight of a view from Anne's kitchen window. The trees were bare and the flowers wilted. Frost had spread over every surface out in the mercy of the loveless cold. The lake is probably frozen too but not frozen enough to skate, never frozen enough to skate. A tease really, like their Christmas, almost upon them but no spirit in the air.

The environment fits the mood, Anne thinks watching the outside world through the kitchen windows. Further down the road Mrs.Holden was trying to start her car, seems like she has given up now, she kicks the tyre frustrated and disappears inside her garage. She shouldn't have left it outside the night before.

Gemma was seated at the island stool, scrolling through her phone and making notes in her laptop. Her bleached hair and the white jumper she's wearing makes look like a snow queen. Anne turns away from the window, there's work to be done.

Harry had come down stairs to make himself a cup of tea, and snacked on some fruits and biscuits. She knows he's doing it for her, she had smiled sadly at him. He isn't crying anymore but he sure is moping every second of the day.

Anne gets cheese and tomatoes from fridge and rinses them quietly. Gemma puts her phone down to help her, together they fix a light lunch for everyone. No one is in the mood for anything elaborate. Anne sighs, usually when both her kids are home she goes all out.

Her heart is heavy, it fills the house with the same energy. The winter cold doesn't help either, everything feels stagnant and stuffed but aslo empty. She dreads Christmas.

It's midday and Robin is out, Gemma had taken a plate for Harry upstairs a while ago and she probably is in her room or Harry’s.

Anne had just finished having lunch and was washing the plate when she hears the bell ring. She wipes both her hands using a towel and pulls on a woolen cardigan off the rack before answering the door.

It's Louis. He has his back to the door and turns when he hears Anne opens it. Anne inhales deeply, Louis is the last person she was expecting.

Anne’s heart races, seeing him after so long, after everything Harry's told about him leaves her unsettled. Her instincts towards him had always been warm and now the familiarity feels too uncomfortable to shake.

She isn't the only one feeling uncomfortable, Louis shifts from foot to foot, gazing at her and she stares back.

Louis’ eyes don't have the ever present spark when he looked into Anne's eyes. His normally smooth skin the color of rich olive looked colorless and frail. He was hunched, not the usual stance of the boy she's come to know through the years.

He looked like the embodiment of loss. Anne immediately knew something was wrong.

Her first instinct was to embrace him but she stops herself. Standing before her is the reason her son is in the state that he is.

Louis looks sad, that's one word to describe it. But her son inside is heartbroken and she fears there's no fixing it. She would put her son above her well being, she is not opposed to putting Harry's sorrow over Louis’.

She stands up straight, squares her shoulders and forces herself to look cold. There's no warm feelings to spare for Louis.

“Anne,” Louis start shaking from the cold or something else she doesn't know. Louis’ jacket is pretty thin. Anne's heart clenches, she wants to smooth those worried lines in his forehead.

“Louis, you need to leave,” Anne says harshly surprising herself, “Any explanation you have I don't want to hear it.”

Louis’ eyes widen and he takes a step back. Louis is surprised too, Anne's flushes.

Anne steps out and closes the door behind her, she doesn't want Harry to see Louis right now but mainly she does it to look away from the look of betrayal that flashed in his eyes.

When she finally turns to Louis she catches him looking down at his shoes. Anne had always welcomed him in upon his arrival, it must be new to be locked out. Suddenly she wants to listen to what Louis has to say. He looks guilty and ashamed, a red flag Anne decides to overlook to get an explanation that answers everything. _How could you do this to my son?_

Louis looks up at Anne's accusing frown and winces softly. Anne crosses her arms and waits not knowing what to say.

Louis nods slowly, unable to look at her he let's his eyes rest on the door, “So, he told you,” He states.

“Of course he told me, Louis,” she uncrosses her arms abruptly, “It took him a few months to do so but he did. What you did was despicable. And you have a nerve showing up here--”

“Anne, stop. Please, I'm- I'm not here to hash it out I'm...” he trails off.

“Why are you here, Louis? You thought I'd want to listen to what you have to say? After you broke my baby's heart? You used him like that for what? For something as fickle as--”

“Anne I'm sorry for interrupting but that's not why I'm here,” Louis finally looks her in the eye. She realizes she hit a nerve, Louis looks pissed off.

“Then why are you here if not to make it right? Is it stupid I still hope this is all a misunderstanding? My son cried in my arms, and told me what you did. I've never seen him like that--”

“Anne please--” Louis begs, and she finds a sick pleasure in it.

“You did that to him, Louis. You. You promised me. You promised me you would look after him,” Anne talks over Louis’ attempt at making her stop. “How dare you make a promise like that when you were already on your way to destroy this. How could you, Louis? How could you?” She yells, her caution for concealing this from Harry thrown out the window.

“What about me, Anne? What about me? Don't I get a say in this?” Louis presses eyes blazing.

“He knows you better than I do, Louis. You can't lie to me, you look guilty, it's all over your face. Isn't that enough reason for me to throw you out? Huh?” Anne accuses. “He’s inside there moping around all day and you expect me welcome you in?”

“Harry’s here?” Louis eyes widen, his anger morphing into fear and uncertainty.

“Yes and you're not worming your way in anytime soon but let's hear it,” she gestures him to talk.

Anne is a calm woman who has multiple cats and loves knitting. She's born for a simple life in the country and nurturing her kids. She loves attending club meetings and talking about her children's achievements.  What she absolutely isn't is cruel. Which is what she's being to Louis and she is unable to stop.

“Anne, I'm not here to explain that. What happened is between me and Harry,” he swallows. “I'll talk to him later. I've been busy and making him understand is not my first priority right now. I have far more important things-”

“Far more important things than my son? Who's devastated over-”

“Yes, Anne. The world doesn't always revolve around him, there are things out there far important than your son's feelings-”

“What did you say? How fucking dare you! You show up in my doorstep after doing that nasty thing to my son and expect me to listen to you?” Anne yells poking a finger in Louis’ chest, “And which by the way isn't even to grovel?” She chuckles coldly.

“My son is the most important thing in my life and yes the world revolves around him. I'm his mother and I will do everything to protect him from sleazy son of a bitch like you,” she finishes breathing hard.

If anyone looked at Anne now they wouldn't believe she helps rescue cats find home.

“Anne--” he's having a hard time making up a sentence. Anne exploding like this is quite foreign and had left him speechless. Louis blinks and looks away and blinks again rapidly. He swallows and tries to hold back the tears but one stray tear manages to roll down his cheek which he quickly wipes away with his sweater.

Anne's resolve shakes, but she forces herself not to care. She'd come to love Louis like her son but Louis deserves to cry like her son's been doing for these days. The slight satisfaction she feels leaves a bad taste in her mouth. She clenches her jaw and tightens her grip on her arm to stop herself from reaching out.

“I--need you. I need you to--” Louis swallows and more tears flow down his cheeks. She feels cold all over, she looks away and tries to look indifferent.

“If you knew what's best for you, Louis, you would leave,” Anne says, facing her left. Her eyes start to water too. She's being cruel and mean. Louis needs something from her but she doesn't want to hear it. What she wants is to rip the skin from off her bones for treating someone like this, but it's too late, words have power and they're out. The harshest she's been in her life and that is to someone she thought would be her son-in-law. She does not know what she did to deserve this.

Louis doesn't say anything but Anne can feels his heavg stare, Louis might as well be shaking her by her shoulders. She refuses to look at him. There is no one out in the neighborhood, it's way too cold to be venturing out. Louis gets cold easily, she knows this, like she knows so many other things about him.

Finally, after getting no response whatsoever from Anne, Louis takes a step back, another and another. All the while looking at Anne, willing her to look at him. He shakes his head when she doesn't, it's cold out and Anne only has a cardigan wrapped around her. Its cold and she's frozen to the core.

“Goodbye, Anne.” He chokes out in a shaky voice that's going to ring inside her ears for a long time. Anne finally lifts her gaze, but he's already turned around. She wants to reach out, stop him, ask him what he needed. She is overcome by the need do something that she even takes a step forward but she lost her chance, the moment had passed.  

Anne watches Louis’ retreating figure, breath fogging everytime she exhales. She watches Louis get into the car parked across their house. Her body starts to shake, no longer from the freezing cold from outside but for a whole other reason.

She didn't even let him in, the porch is the closest he got to the house.

Anne thinks about the day when Louis first stepped in and compares it to now. It was spring then, a season of birth and blossoms and now it's cold cold winter where nothing grows.

_Goodbye, Anne_ . Anne touches her heart. _Goodbye, Anne._ He isn't coming back. _Goodbye, Anne._

Jolene's beautiful boy, she just watched him cry. She'd never seen him cry, and now that she had, she prays Jolene never sees him like that.

Louis wanted to tell her something but she hadn't listened. Hadn't wanted to. She had wanted him gone. Then why is she crying over Louis’ disappearing car? _Goodbye, Anne._

Anne opens the front door and walks in, her vision is blurry with tears. She sways all the way into the living room and sits heavily on the couch.

Louis had wanted to tell her something, something important. Something more important than her son and she had chased him away without listening to one word. Her heartbreaks for the broken look Louis got on his face when she asked him to leave. She wails loudly.

Louis is the villian, isn't he? Then why does she feel like the most horrible person on Earth.

Gemma and Harry rush into the room to find her on her on the couch, shaking with tears running down her cheeks.

“Mommy!” Gemma kneels by Anne’s side and pulls her into a hug. Harry puts his hand on his mom's shoulder and tries to make her look up.

“Mom who was that? What happened?” Harry asks worriedly, ready to sprint to the front door.

Anne grabs his hand and shakes her head, “No, don't go. He's gone, I chased him away.”

“Chased who away, Mom?” Gemma asks pulling back. She rubs Anne's back, she's terrified.

“He wanted to say something, he looked so sad. He said he needed me, Gemma,” Anne sobs.

Harry kisses his mom's head and begs her to stop crying.

“Who? Who are you talking about?” Gemma asks again.

“My son doesn't deserve to be sad for even a moment. That's why I did it.” Anne sobs wiping her nose. Harry runs to get her napkins.

“Mommy who was at the door? Mommy?” Gemma takes Anne's hands into hers. Anne closes her eyes and shakes her head, willing her to stop crying.

“Louis,” she answers finally.

Harry freezes, tissue box in hand.

“Who?” he croaks.

Anne’s eyes find Harry's, “Harry I'm so sorry. He was here to talk--he said he had something to say,” she turns to Gemma, “Oh Gems, I didn't want to hear it. Does that make me a bad person?” Anne asks Gemma.

“No, mommy, it doesn't. You need to stop crying. Let's get you some water, come on,” Gemma tries to help her mother up.

“Where is he?” Harry asks still standing with the tissue box.

“Now isn't the time,” Gemma says sternly and at the same time Anne says, “He left. He drove away.’

But Harry still runs to the door and runs down the porch to the road. There's no Louis in sight and no car. That's exactly what his mom said, but he still looks around, his heart racing. _Louis was here, he was here a while ago._

He runs back inside, the cold forcing him into the house and Gemma glares at him. He shouldn't have run off like this when his mom's in this state. It's all because of him, he brought Louis here.

Later after she had calmed down, she tells them about earlier and why she broke down. Harry and Gemma comfort her until Robin comes home. They silently tell Robin what happened and leave her with him. Robin glares at Harry disapprovingly and takes her to bed.

“Why do you think he was here?” Gemma asks when they're in Harry's room that night.

Harry's heart aches when he thinks about Louis crying. “If it's not to grovel at your feet then why?” Gemma wonders loudly taking a seat on the divan.

“I don't know,” he answers walking over to the window.

“Are you worried?” she implores.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn't.” Harry doesn't turn around.

“Mom was quite mean to him.”

“Not her fault, she shouldn't cry over it.” Harry says. His mom had looked so distraught over it, and she had made Louis cry. Whatever she told him was probably well deserved by the receiving end, but he can't stop the ache. He's making his mom miserable, he needs to get out of here.

“He had told mom he needed her, and he had no idea you were in Cheshire. He came to speak to her and not about you either.” Gemma states everything they've gathered from earlier.

“Its my fault. It's almost Christmas and everyone is having a shit time because of me. I shouldn't have--”

“It's not your fault, Harry,” Gemma says softly. But it is, he should never have brought Louis home.

Gemma walks over to him and lays her hand of his shoulder. He turns and she reaches over to push back his curls.

"When I broke it off with him he said the same thing, that he needed me. I didn't listen maybe if I had--just.."

"Are you going to call him?” she asks. Gemma knows him so well. Harry looks down unable to answer, he's ashamed he still cares.

“Call him, Harry. Mom wouldn't rest until she knows it isn't a big deal. Honestly, I hope it isn't, I don't want any of you to get tangled up in his mess again. I can't believe his audacity to show up here asking for help,” she shakes her head.

They stand there and watch the snow fall outside. Harry finds no beauty in it, he barely even pays attention to the view outside the window. Harry hasn't left the house since the night Gemma forcefully took him out to the public with friends. Gemma sighs, this Christmas is going to be sombre.

_________

The next day Harry takes his car from the driveway, which Robin has been starting every night to prevent freezing. He drives around for a while, preparing himself before calling Louis.

Harry hadn't phoned him the night before because he felt it was too late and he was too drained to be able to even think about Louis, much less talk to him.

Harry parks in the clearing on the way to the lake. He had brought Louis here a few times for picnicking, they always had a nice time. It was quite different from the life they lived and was always a welcome getaway from it.

Harry comes here to listen to his records one last time before releasing them to the public. He has too many good memories of him coming here alone and with Louis.

He's here because he dreamt this place last night. Of Louis sitting alone on a blanket beside a picnic basket. His back was to Harry and Dream Louis' shoulders had been shaking. Harry had tried to approach the crying Louis, he had tried calling him to make Louis turn around. It had been one of those frustration dream where he could not walk or talk. Harry had looked at his feet willing them to move and then he hadn't been able to look up either. It nearly drove him crazy, he knew it was a dream but he was unable to wake himself. He had prayed his alarm or Gemma or some noise to bring him out of the nightmare. In the end he had woken upset and annoyed and he just had to visit the field by the lake again. So here he is.

Harry keeps the car on, it's too cold to be out without heating on. He hopes whatever Louis is going to tell him doesn't bother him too much. He isn't even sure Louis would tell him whatever that he wanted to tell his mom. Well, he would ask him to go fuck himself if he refused to tell him. Screw him for caring.

He pulls his phone out and pressing the icon on speed dial, he breathes in and out steadily.

He could lie all he want, but he's calling Louis because he wants to hear his voice, it's been so long. His heart starts races when he hears the ringing sound, every tone putting him more on edge.

“Harry?” Louis answers.

Harry's heart stutters, “Hey, I...uh” he swallows. _It's been so long._ Harry tries _again. “_ Mom said you came by…” he can't do it. He's still reeling from having heard Louis voice directed to him after so long.

And then to add more to Harry's grief Louis says, “It's mom, Harry. My mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. I'm sad too.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> December 7.   
> RIP Joannah

**Present**

__   
_ Be still and know that I'm with you _ __   
_ Be still, be still, and know _ __   
_ When darkness comes upon you _ __   
_ And colors you with fear and shame _ __   
_ Be still and know that I'm with you _ __   
_ And I will say your name _ __   
_ If terror falls upon your bed _ __   
_ And sleep no longer comes _ __   
_ Remember all the words I said _ __   
_ Be still, be still, and know _ __   
_ And when you go through the valley _ __   
_ And the shadow comes down from the hill _ __   
_ If morning never comes to be _ __   
_ Be still, be still, be still _ __   
_ If you forget the way to go _ __   
_ And lose where you came from _ __   
_ If no one is standing beside you _ _   
_ __ Be still and know that I'm with you

**_(Be Still - The Fray)_ **

 

_ Pancreatic cancer.  _  Discovered too late, already in Stage III, untreatable now at stage IV. Jolene is about to die and very soon. 

Louis’ voice keeps ringing in Harry’s head playing over and over again in loop, just words swirling around he can barely make sense of it but also understands with clarity. Jolene is about to  _ die _ , has been dying and he only knows now. He could lose her any day now and he's only being told this  _ now _ . 

Harry is inside the car, parked outside the house trying to wrap his mind around everything he had heard. 

Louis’ voice had been firm, cold and pleading and steady on and off all through his brief narration. Harry could tell Louis was falling apart and was trying to keep it together. He had been adamant about giving him the cold shoulder and asking for a shoulder to lean on all at once. Harry hadn't been able to respond. 

The weather is bleak and he hates everything about his favorite holiday. It's cold and gloomy, it sucks the color out of all the good things. Like the decorated Christmas trees he can see through other houses’ windows and the store displays with seasonal decorations. He wants to walk in and take them all down. He even hates the ads they run on TV. Why is everyone fucking celebrating? Don't they see how nothing is right in his world right now? Surely they can feel how distraught he feels, like his own family are infected with his heartache. 

He doesn't know how to tell Mom, she'd be devastated over news about Jolene and turning Louis away yesterday. But he also needs to leave as soon as possible, he can't afford to waste time.

Jolene is admitted in Royal Hallamshire Hospital in Sheffield, closer to Doncaster. He takes a deep breath, it feels hard to breathe with a lump in his throat, he manages to get out of the car.

He sees his Mom in the couch watching television upon entering the house, she was still sleeping when he left for the drive. They don't even have a tree up, Anne wasn't even making an effort and he hadn't eveb put up a fight.

Harry sits beside her and she smiles a little at him, “Feeling better?”

Harry swallows, “I'm good. How are  _ you _ , Mom?”

“I'm good too. You had breakfast? There's toast in the kitchen. I can make you something else if you want,” Anne offers 

“No, toast is fine. I'll go eat then,” he kisses her forehead and hurries into the kitchen to escape from his Mom. He isn't ready to tell her yet, fuck he doesn't even know everything, Louis hadn't told him much. Harry takes a banana and a glass of juice to his room, he's stomach protests. Actually he feels like his stomach dropped their on the field when Louis told him about Jolene and all that's left is a hollowed out cavern. 

Harry powers up his laptop and reads everything he could about Pancreatic cancer. He cries a little when he reads about how hopeless Stage IV of the cancer is. 

He reads and reads and reads but there's not much to give him hope for Jo. She probably has less than three months with the way Louis spoke.

When he comes downstairs again it's after 1 PM and Gemma had made turkey sandwiches and salad, he knows it's her because only she never cuts the crusts.

There's no sight of her but he finds his Mom still in the couch with Robin, watching some nonsense programme. She does look okay, there is color on her cheeks. He entertains the idea of leaving without saying anything for a split second before reminding himself Jo is Anne's friend and she needs to know. He wonders why Jo didn't tell his mother herself with how close they had become.

He decides he has to tell her now if he wants to go visit her before visiting time's over. He's a terrible son, adding more weight to her shoulders. He sits beside her but she starts at his sudden presence.

“Hey…” he trails off. Robin puts the television on mutes and Anne waits. 

Harry swallows, “So, it's Louis--” he sighs and looks away from Anne. Anne puts a hand on his knee.

“I am sorry, Harry. I know shouldn't have reacted that way. I don't know what came over me--” Anne starts talking like she's been waiting to let the words out. 

“It's okay, Mom. Louis doesn't blame you,” Harry says softly even though he has no fucking clue if Louis does or not but honestly? Screw him.

“You spoke to Louis?” Anne asks sitting straighter.

Harry widens his eyes in shock, he can't take it back he might as well say it, “Yeah I did um... it’s--Mom tell me you won't freak out, please i can't--”

“I'm already freaking out, Harry tell me what it is,” Anne demands setting her mug down and leaning in closer. Robin frowns at Harry, and Harry earnestly tries to convey his apology with his eyes because what he's about to say will be upsetting.

Anne takes his hand, Harry looks at their hands and tries to form words inside his head before telling his Mom. 

Harry figures he should call Gemma here too since he doesn't want to tell her separately. Finally when they he all settled in the living room Harry looks to person to person. Now he feels silly.

He hasn't cried properly yet, even after the research it still doesn't feel real to him. Jo had been fine the last time he saw her which had been months ago. He used to always talk to her before, he didn't realize how that had dwindled down towards the end. And Jolene hadn't told Anne either, even after becoming such good friends. Louis probably thought they weren't important, who was he to Louis but a posterboy. 

He does not want to cry now, he has to be strong if he can't even  tell them without breaking down how is he going to manage to visit Jolene?

Gemma harrumphs to get his attention, he looks up still holding his Mom's hand, Anne squeeze it. 

“I spoke to Louis,” Harry starts. They all nod and wait for him.

“Jolene's been hospitalized,” Harry spits it out and takes in their reaction.

Gemma exclaims  _ 'oh no!’,  _ Robin waits for him to elaborate and his Mom goes slack against him.

“Mom, I'm sorry. Please don't..” he does not know what he's asking. He doesn't want to see his Mom cry again.

“That's why Louis was here yesterday, right? Oh no, Harry we need to go see her right away,” Anne turns to Harry.

“Which hospital?” Gemma asks. No one asks why, they just want to be there for her, it doesn’t matter if it's something minor, Jolene has been hospitalized and they need to see her.

Harry wants to disappear, he slightly resents his mom for sending Louis way, if she had let Louis explain Harry wouldn't have to right now. 

“It's just... she's in Sheffield, visiting hours are from 8 AM to 8 PM. It's just... it's bad,” Harry shakes his head. Jolene is going to die, yeah so is everyone but she's going to be gone sooner than anyone expected. He suspects anyone even thought about it.

“Harry do you need me to call Louis? I haven't been speaking to Jolene these days, been busy with stupid stuff. Oh Harry, why didn't she call me? Does she know you two broke up?” Anne worries 

“Mom, i don't know, I don't think that matters right now. It's cancer.”

Gemma inhales sharply, Anne pulls her hand away from Harry's.

“It's pancreatic cancer. Stage IV and there's no cure and life expectancy rate is 1% and they don't think she's going to live for longer. They've tried everyth--”

“Harry slow down! What do you mean?” Anne asks already tearing up.

“She's dying, Mom.”

“What do you mean?” she repeats looking disoriented. Gemma walks over to sit beside Anne and Harry kneels on the floor, giving his place to her.

“She's in Royal Hallamshire Hospital and she's dying. The cancer was identified late, Louis didn't tell me much but--” he swallows, he's tearing up, “I've been reading articles all morning and it's...I think it's bad. I need to go, Mom.”

“We all should, Harry. Anne you can stay here if your not up to it,” Robin says softly.

Anne shakes her head, “I'm going. I want to see her. Louis was here yesterday and he needed me, I sent him away, I need to seeml him.” Anne sobs.

“Mom it's not your fault,” Gemma tells her gently, “It's okay, it's not too late. Harry spoke to him, they spoke. Louis is okay. Mom,” she squeezes Anne's knee. 

“I know, I know. I don't understand. Cancer is awful. We need to go right away we still have time. I don't understand--” Anne shakes her head, “I am getting ready, we need to leave. Harry call your driver, we need to go now.”

“Mummy, calm down first and stop blaming yourself. We'll take my car, I'll drive. Harry can come with us or he can drive his own,” Gemma says and raises her left eyebrow at Harry. Harry nods dumbly, he kisses his mom on the head and stands up. 

He is going to have to hold it together, he's going to see Louis and all his siblings who are about to lose their mother. He's angry, he feels betrayed. They had known for three months now, Jolene was  diagnosed in September. Louis had had plenty of time to tell but hadn't. Even Lottie or Fizzy could have told him. 

He doesn't think he's ready to see Louis in flesh yet but he also wants just that, so bad his heart beats faster with need. He is fucking stupid for believing he could live without Louis. He can barely cope. He wonders how Louis must have been handling all this. 

Harry drives his Range Rover alone, he's glad Gemma suggested he bring his own car, he wants to stay with Louis even if he doesn't want him to. Anne and Robin drive with Gemma in her car. Google Map says they can be there in less than two hours, it's 3 PM now, they'd probably be there by 5 PM.  

Harry arrives a little earlier than his family and calls Louis. 

“Louis, I'm here.”

“Where? Wait--at the hospital?” Louis asks from the other side.

“Yeah, ground floor.”

“Oh okay I'll just--I'll come get you. Stay there?” Louis asks uncertain. Of course he's going to stay what did he expect?

“Sure.” he hangs up.

That was bizarre, Harry was emotionless when he spoke. His nerves are wrung tight and he is light headed. He stands on one foot and then the other, he's fucking nervous to see Louis. He's bracing himself for major changes, he might cry. He hadn't even put much thought to his clothes, just dark jeans, a hoodie and a black coat. 

The walls inside the hospital are white, the floor grey in color and the chairs in the lobby are all in muted tones. The air smells like medicine and germicides.

He checks his phone and it's a little after five and Gemma had only been a little while away when he spoke to her in the hospital garage.

It's busy here, there are people waiting in rows of chairs by the wall, some talking  loudly without care. A janitor disappears down the hall pushing a cart full of cleaning supplies. A group of nurses walk past him barely looking his way but that reminds him he's a celebrity and he should maintain low profile. He pulls the hoodie over and lowers his head.  The receptionist is on the phone and covers the phone to ask Harry if he needs help, Harry shakes his head and she goes back to setting an appointment with whoever is on the other side of the phone call. 

Louis steps out of the elevator looking disheveled and tired. He's skinnier than the last time Harry saw him and he hadn't shaved. He's wearing a blue hoodie and track pants. He finds Harry standing near the receptionist's desk to his right and walks over. The receptionist straightens when she sees Louis, she must know who he is.

Louis looks sad, there is no way else to put it. It's like someone sucked every bit of joy out of him. He looks older, with dark circles around his eyes and tired lines on his forehead. Harry's heart squeezes at the pitiful sight. 

“Hey,” Louis says looking right at him.  _ Where's all the color?  _ Harry wants to ask.  _ Where's the blue in your eyes, where's the red in your cheeks. Where's the light, Louis? _

But he just says, “Hey”

Just then Gemma comes in with Anne and Robin, spots Harry and Louis standing beside each other and directs their parents towards them. 

“Oh.” Louis says quietly. Harry supposes he should have warned Louis beforehand, but it's too late now.

“I had to tell them.”

“It's okay, Mom wanted to see all of you.”

Anne goes in for a hug as soon as she reaches Louis and whispers something and Louis whispers something back and they hold each other for a while. Gemma hugs him next, though briefer than Anne. It hurts to see them like this, none of them are thinking about Louis’ betrayal now but it's in the back of Harry's mind making it harder to be here.

They all take the lift to the floor Jolene is in together, no one says anything. Harry can't quite talk to Louis he's sad, mad and confused.

The speakers on the floor they step out on call for  _ Dr.Wilson _ to come to the  _ Jessop Wing _ immediately. Louis leads them to the far end of the floor and gestures towards the row chairs outside, “The doctor is inside right now doing some check ups. You can sit here. And only two people are allowed at a time but the management was lenient and it's a private room so all of you can go in at once.”

Louis goes inside the room immediately after they take their seats. 

Lottie and Jolene's sister-in-law, Sandy come out of the room as soon as Louis disappears inside. Lottie's eyes look red and her usual meticulously applied make-up is missing. So are her hoop earrings and cheerful clothes. She's wearing baby blue onesie and her hair messily done on the top of her head. She rushes to hug Harry as soon as she sees him and he holds her while she cries. She's way too young to lose her mother, Ernie and Doris are practically infants, his heart breaks for this family. 

Sandy fills them in all that Louis left out in the phone call. Stage III had been Jolene's stage when she was first diagnosed, untreatable but they had been trying to prolong her life expectancy with chemo and surgery, all proved futile. She tells them about pancreatic cancer, all the stuff he read that morning. Pancreatic cancer grows and spreads fast and often is diagnosed in its late stages. Jo hadn't been eligible for pancreatic transplant because her health had deteriorated and the cancer had started to spread to other parts. Jo had been getting treatment at the London hospital and just been transferred here to be near home.

Jolene had been losing weight, constantly vomiting  and experiencing pain everywhere in her body. When she was diagnosed, she had been informed she'd live for 2-6 months and she has been getting chemotherapy to extend life, but the cancer had progressed very rapidly and her time had shortened. Jo was tired of Chemo and she had refused clinical trials. Anne and Gemma burst into tears when she heard about how the Ernie and Doris reacted to it and keeps sniffing and wiping away their tears. Harry sitting with his arm around Lottie wipes his teary eyes too. 

Sandy tells them Jolene wanted time to process all this, that's probably why she hadn't told them sooner. They all say nothing though Lottie looks up at him. She must know what happened, he wonders how much she knows and what he's thinks about him. She wouldn't be here with him right now if she really knew all the things he said to Louis.

Sandy and Dan are staying at the family's house in Doncaster with the children. Louis and Lottie are staying at a hotel near the hospital. 

Louis comes out of the room with a doctor and a nurse by his side. 

Louis tells Lottie that Jolene's asking for her and she rushes into the room. Louis sits besides Harry and tells them Jo is freshening up a bit. 

Harry looks at his feet and nowhere else. He can't believe this is his reality. Couple months ago Harry had been so angry, he hadn't wanted anything to do with Louis, he outright hated him, he still does but now he's just so sad. He misses Louis and what they had, fake as it may have been they could have made it work if they had worked something out. 

Harry mentally scoffs, there's no way he could stomach being with Louis after knowing his intentions but what they had had felt so real Harry would have happily pretended it was if he hadn't lashed out so badly 

And now he's here with Louis and Jo is about to die soon. It's all so surreal he can't believe it's happening to him. Jo had been so full of life and healthy it's hard to imagine her ill. 

“Harry,” Louis says his name softly and waits till Harry faces him, and when he does Louis touches Harry's knee, “Mom is nothing like she was the last time you saw her. Just...just warning you.”

Harry nods quickly and pulls the hood off his head and Louis takes his hand away. Harry ignores the desire to take Louis’ hand into his and intertwine their fingers together. He always thought they were meant to be with how their hands fit. But seeing his and Louis’ hands side by side now he can see that Louis’ are significantly smaller. He probably convinced himself they fit like he had deluded himself into believing a lot of things in their relationship. 

Anne and Gemma enter first, Robin and Louis follow behind Harry as he takes hesitant steps inside. 

There, lying in bed the bed is Jo, looking frail and barely there. His breath gets knocked out of his lungs and his steps falter, someone steadies him from behind, he turns expecting to find Louis but it's only Robin. Louis us walking past them to stand beside Jo and helps her get comfortable. 

Anne and Gemma hover beside the right side of the bed and she takes Jolene's hand and Jo smiles at her and then she looks right at Harry and says, “Hey.”

Harry feels caught off guard, he's still reeling from the shock of seeing Jo completely different from her normal self. It's like Jo stepped out of her body and let it dry and put it back on. Jo had always been a slightly plump woman, full lips and cheeks, she had never been skinny. Now she looks wrung out, her lips are the same but they don't fit her bony face. And her cheekbones stick out, proving to Harry that Louis got them from his mother not his deadbeat father. And her head is covered with a floral scarf, like most cancer patients’ when they lose hair during Chemo.

He blinks rapidly to hold back tears, no amount of warning could have prepared him for this. Louis shakes his head at him discreetly, saying no, he shouldn't cry in Jo's presence. It's like putting your finger into fire and telling your brain reflex to not pull the finger away.

Harry walks to the foot of the bed and says in a small voice, “Hello.”

It's a big room, probably upgraded. Like the rest of the hospital, the room is white too. The large windows are shut and curtains are halfway drawn. The room lights are on, now that sun is setting. There are flowers on the window sill with cards, Harry should probably have brought something but they're closer than normal social courtesy.

“Thanks for coming,” Jo says looking at all the visitors.

“Of course, Jo. Don't thank us,” Anne squeezes Jo's hand.

“Sit?” She asks.

Harry beats Louis to it and pulls chairs towards the bed for Gemma and Anne from the corner. Robin settles on the other side a little farther away. Jo gestures Harry to sit on the bed and he sits at her right foot. Louis remains standing on the left side of the bed., attentive as ever. 

Jo asks them about their lives and Anne answers. Gemma asks about her health and Jo gives her a light version of a terrible situation. Anne keeps crying and wiping her tears and starting all over again. Gemma sniffs when Jo speaks about her kids. Jo cries a bit too and that makes Harry tear up and he wipes quickly but Jo notices. She smiles sadly at him and lies back. It's all very sad and awkward and too much to handle.

Harry's lips quiver and his face feels tight as he keeps trying to hold his emotions at bay. Jo tells him it's all right like  _ he _ was the one dying soon. 

There's nothing all right about this. There is this amazing woman too young to die, who seems to have accepted she is going to anyway. There's the man he was in love, with standing beside her, face carefully blank of any emotion. Harry wants to shake him, to make his crack this facade of keeping it together. Louis doesn't have to fake being fine, when its glaringly clear he is not. 

How can Louis keep this away from him. Did he think Harry wouldn't have cared or did he think he doesn't have the right to know. 

Louis was the one who introduced him to his family, Harry fell in love with them too. They quickly became his family too and he has the right to know. 

While he was partying away the break-up, getting  media's attention and front page on tabloids about his “playboy” ways and rumors of the “Larry break-up” Jo and her family have been going through this.

He is ashamed and he feels like an outsider and he resents Louis for being the reason he feels this way.

He can't take any of this anymore, he excuses himself outside before he breaks down and makes a scene.

He speed walks past Lottie and turns the left side and keeps walking without a destination on mind. His only intent was to get away as soon as possible and find a place to cry in peace.

He hears footstep behind him and someone grabs his hand, he pulls it away thinking it was Louis but it's only Gemma and he feels fucking disappointed that it isn't Louis. But Louis had followed them both and comes to a halt beside them.

Harry feels anger course through him, initially started by his brief disappointment at it being his sister who stopped him and not Louis and intensified by Louis’ presence. Louis holds a hand up before he can tell and gestures them to follow him. He leads them back towards Jo's room, Anne and Robin must be in the room with Jo because he only finds Lottie outside. 

Louis shakes his head at Lottie's questioning gaze and walks past Jo's room. He steps inside a room next to his mom's and holds it open. It's smaller than Jo's, with a table in the corner and a couch. A pink wool jacket is draped on the arm rest of the couch and a pair of shoes but beside the table. Jo's room probably comes with an extra for-family room, because those are clearly Lottie's stuff.

Harry strides in stands in the middle of the room, Gemma looks uncertain beside Louis as he closes the door behind him. He turns to look at Gemma and Harry, expression unreadable then walks past him to stand before the window and looks outside. Harry swivels around to face Louis’ side, Louis seems calm and collected which doesn't suit his exhausted appearance at all while Harry is seething.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Harry asks grinding his teeth.

“It all happened so fast,” Louis answers still looking outside but at something down the hospital ground. His nonchalance only makes him angrier. 

“You still had plenty of time to tell me! Even before-- before we--just Before!” Harry accuses raising his voice not being able to converse so quietly. Not liking the way Louis is acting one bit.

Louis doesn't answer, just continues looking down through the window like the shitty view outside fascinates him. Harry can see his eyes are dry and his shoulders are held tight. He is holding himself together, in control while Harry is falling apart. He's always falling apart these days, with all his bits only the floor he wonder how in hell he's still falling. 

Gemma places a hand on his shoulder, Harry flinches, hedidn't even feel her moving so close to him, he doesn't take his eyes off Louis.

“Louis,” he tries again firmly. 

Louis sighs aggravated, and shakes his head like Harry is wasting his time. “What would you have wanted me to say? There was nothing to say. She is dying, Harry. That's all there is.” He shrugs like it really doesn't matter. 

Harry's had enough, he may have been some show boyfriend for him but Jolene and Harry had really bonded over the years. He can't bear the thought of her being gone from this world. He had opened up about so much, she was always there to listen. That woman had so much life in her the last time he saw her. It was just for months ago, how can everything change so drastically? Had he not had enough this year? And Louis is acting like Harry doesn't matter, like he doesn't need to know is killing Harry. Sure those last months in their relationship had been rocky and unstable. They barely even held each other's gaze too long but he should have known about  _ this _ .

“Why didn't you think  _ I  _ needed to know? You didn't have to be my boyfriend, you could have been a decent fucking person and told me,” Damn Louis for excluding him from his circle as soon as Harry dumped him. Louis didn't even like Sandy all but that much and she knows every fucking detail. “I love her too you know. You should have told me as soon as you found out. I have the right to know!” 

“You don't have shit!” Louis yells suddenly that Gemma steps back. Louis takes a step forward, looking at Harry with disgust. Harry feels sickly relieved to see any emotion but the calm indifference. To this Louis Harry means something, but for that Louis Harry is a nobody.

Louis narrows his eyes at Harry and balls his fists by his sides. He breathes in and out to calm himself but he's shaking a little, “ _ You _ don't have shit,” he says slowly, meaning every word, “You are not entitled to anything from me. Not anymore.” 

He isn't going to lie, it fucking hurts. Like Louis lassoed his heart and was tugging it forward painfully with every word. Harry's face feels tight and hot. It's not fair that he's being treated like the one who was wrong. Louis was the one fucked it all up and yet here he is getting his ass handed to him by Louis. He's reminded of how little he must mean to Louis. And with a large amount of sadness comes a little bit of control, Harry reins in his anger. 

“You found out when were still together, Louis. Maybe I am not entitled to shit now but I was then. Gosh it's been fucking  _ months _ .”

Louis stalks closer to Harry chuckling meanly. His eyes don't leave Harry's, “What if I did? Huh? You were ever just my beard anyway. Why tell you anything?”

“Louis don't be a dick,” Gemma interjects seeing Harry flinch.

Louis turns to Gemma with the same crazy blaze in his eyes that was directed to Harry. Harry wonders if he should step in, he had witnessed what Louis could do with words to others. But then Louis turns away abruptly from them both and walks away. 

“Louis don't you run away from here you bastard! Jolene is in with so little time to live and I only got to know today! I have so little time with her and you---”

“Oh Jesus. Fucking. Christ. You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit.” Louis exclaims his words clearly, word by word. Throwing his hands with disbelief he turns and looks right at Harry, “For once in your life don't make it about you. This isn't about you. I'm  _ her _ fucking  _ son _ and this isn't about me either. This is about  _ her. _ ” Louis walks closer and stands right in front of Harry, toe to toe. He's so close to Harry he has to look up to talk. This position, a position they've taken a thousand times during their time together. Harry can almost feel the phantom touch of Louis’ hand on his chest and the familiarity and desire to reach out and put his hands on Louis’ hips is maddening. But those days are gone, ghost of it must be exorcised. If looks could excorcise, Louis’ gaze could burn it out of existence. Louis continues to burn Harry, “ _ Her _ . A woman with seven kids she loves to death but is going to leave soon not because she wants to but because she has no choice. A woman so full of potential, she could have changed the world had she the time. A woman who thought she had time up until a few months ago when she was told she wasn't going to see any of her kids get married or watch her grandchildren grow.” He looks at Harry's tear stained face and the fresh tears running down his cheeks. Harry's heart is breaking, he wonders how that is even possible to feel this much sadness, all at once. Louis in the past never have let him cry, Harry cries for all that was lost too.

“Do you even get that? She isn't going to be alive next year. She's going to be gone,” Louis voice shakes with sorrow and rage, “We'll bury her and we'll leave. We'll even move on as time passes, although I doubt it,” Louis’ seems to be holding back the tears, his eyes are filled with grief over inevitable loss, he refuses to let them fall. Harry doesn't deserve his tears, his eyes seem to say, no one does. Harry'd like to hold him now as much as he hates Louis. Louis swallows and stares, unblinking, lest a tear falls. With Louis looking at only him head on he feels secluded. There's only them in this room, no Gemma, no table, no couch. Just them and their unwavering gaze.

“Her kids will grow up, graduate, get married and have children. Accomplish things she wishes she could be a part of but she wouldn't even know about any of those because she'll be--” Louis seems to have trouble getting the words out. He inhales like breathing hurts him. Harry thinks Louis would stop talking, he prays he does. But Louis is determined  to finish the sentence, “she'll be  _ gone _ . Gone.” He repeats more clearly, like Harry doesn't quite understand the gravity of the situation. “Do you not get that? Do you thing your grief is bigger than hers? That you're more important? What would you have done had I told you before? What can anyone do? She's beyond help, they say. What could you have done?” Louis questions and waits for an answer. Harry shakes his head, he wants to take it all back. He wants to go back in time and not say anything. He wants to go back to a time before that October night, a time before Louis, he thinks painfully, a time before his birth so he didn't exist at all. 

“You always told me you would give me anything I wanted, Harry. Even the last time at our house you said you would have given up anything to give me what I want had I only asked. I am asking you now, can you get my mother some more time? For  _ me _ ?” Louis pleads letting a tear slide down his cheek. Harry is a sobbing by then, his shoulders shake with how much he cries. 

“Louis please,” Gemma says softly.

Louis seems to realize they are not in fact alone at the same time as Harry does. He shakes his head and steps away slowly. He isn't looking at Harry anymore, “I am sorry, Gemma” he apologizes to Gemma. He keeps walking backwards amd looks at Harry again before walking out.

“It's not fair,” Harry cries _. It really isn't.  _ Louis should not hold back his tears or hide his pain because someone else is in more pain. That's not how this works. But Harry understands, Louis can't fall apart now. Not when his mother is scared and not when his sister need him to be strong now more than ever. But who is going to be strong for Louis? It's certainly isn't going to be Harry. He is so weak, even now he's leaning on Gemma whilst she holds him in the couch. Who is holding Louis? Who is telling him it's going to be alright? 

And  _ fuck him,  _ he thinks. Harry was really only thinking about himself. Louis was right, he's selfish and stupid. He was thinking about not being told the news sooner while Louis had been living with this for months. He hadn't even noticed, he hadn't been there. Their relationship ended long before October.

All the bullshit aside Louis is still a man who loves his mother more than anything and he is going to lose her.

“I need to apologise, Gems” Harry tells her.

“Let him cool down. You need some time. I'll get you some water,” Gemma pushes his hair back, Harry realizes she is crying too. 

“I need to check on the girls. They--i need to,” Harry says remembering them. He really is an asshole, he's far up his own ass he forgot everyone else.

“In a bit, calm down first. I'll be back, be good?” Gemma hands him a tissue and leaves him alone to wallow.

How many times had he put his feelings above others before? Surely this wasn't the first time, he hadn't even realized. How many times had he done this to people and they let him. 

Now that he starts thinking about all this he can't stop. This downward spiral keeps getting deeper. 

He had done this to Louis plenty of times. 

When Niall broke up with his girlfriend Louis had been the one to notice something being off. Harry always thought Niall wasn't dating seriously but Niall had been so devastated when it ended and Harry hadn't known until later when Louis told him he was helping Niall move on. He's such a shitty friend.

He keeps depending on Gemma and Mom for comfort, had he ever been a source of their comfort? 

All his friends, why are they even friends with him? 

He was a nice guy but turns out he wasn't the caring type. He's probably only nice because it suits him. He's a narcissist piece of shit. Harry feels ashamed of all the things he had done and all the people he had let down. The realization sits heavy on his shoulders making sorting himself out impossible.

When he finally gets to where Jolene's room is at the hospital he sees Liam Payne with Louis. They're both talking quietly and stop when they see him approaching. Liam is in slacks and a dress shirt, he probably dropped by on his way home from some dinner or something.

Robin, Mom and Gemma left a while ago but Harry couldn't leave. He wants to be here for Louis in case he needs him. And he needs to apologise to Jo for dashing out, he needs to tell her he loves her and that he'll miss her. He needs to apologise for more than dashing out, he had been the one that had stopped responding seeing as how the last text thread from her had gone unanswered. Jolene had asked about Thanksgiving and turkey. And another asking him how he's doing and that Louis told her things weren't good between them. He doesn't even remember getting these texts but his phone says he's seen them. He feels like the scum of the Earth.

“Hey,” Liam greets him.

“Liam,” Harry nods back. They stand there awkwardly not looking at one another.

“Where is Lottie?” He had exhausted his voice by crying so much it sounds pathetic to even him.

“Tommy took her home. They'll be back tomorrow morning. You should head back too, it's late,” Louis answers.

It's after 11 PM he's been in the hospital for nearly six hours. “I'll stay for a bit.” Harry says.  _ Jokes on you, I am not leaving.  _

Louis nods not quite meeting his eyes, “I'll go get you some coffee. Liam?”

“Nah I'm good. I'm leaving in a bit too,” Liam turns down the offer. 

Louis looks at them both and heads towards the cafeteria. Harry wonders if he should have turned down too, he has no business getting beverages from his ex who  _ he _ dumped.

They both sit on the row of chairs in the hallway outside Jo's room. 

There's still so much activity in this floor though probably not as much as the Emergency unit. Nurses are pushing vacant stretchers and one pushing a person in a wheelchair somewhere. A woman and a man in casual clothing walk back and forth restless. Probably with loved ones of their own with way less time to live than they deserve. Harry wonders about all these people and their hearts and the pain they're going through. Human beings sure are stronger and more capable of bearing pain than other beings. 

He gets lost in all the stories of the people in this hospital alone, imagining the patients lying in fear, their family clutching their hands together in prayer, all the eyes that are full of unshed tears holding it a together by a thread. He thinks about a mother who is about to die and a son so full of love for her bite back his tears to spare her some pain. And of families back home, laying awake wondering if they'd see their loved ones come morning light.

Liam brings him back from his headspace.

“He told me about the break-up,” Liam says tentatively.

Harry winces, out of all the things he could talk he chose the most sore topic. “Yeah. We did. Break-up I mean.”

“He told me that you broke it off.”

“I did.”

“You're a dumbass,” Liam states.

“Thank you, Liam but you don't know anything.” If only Liam knew what the fuck his friend did. Louis didn't even tell his Mom the reason he doubts he told Liam. Gemma had told Jo was under the illusion Louis and Harry were taking a small break to figure things out.

“Yeah okay, I don't but he told me you ended it so yeah, you're a dumbass,” Liam repeats. Harry isn't going to argue with him, he's drained. Zayn would have been ecstatic, motherfucker always hated Harry.

“He only told me last month, Harry. About Jo.” Liam tells Harry softly after a few minutes. Liam and his endless kindness, Harry's heart feels tkght.

“Yeah, he told me too.  _ Today _ ,” he sighs, “it's okay. I'm done being pissed about it.”

“You don't have the right to be pissed about it at all,” Liam says.

“Yet here we are,” Harry says sarcastically.

They don't talk after that, he doubts they will ever get to the way it was before. They had become such good friends in the past years. Even Zayn had been warming up to him. But it's all  _ before. _

They both watch Louis walk back, actually he  _ strides _ back. He hands Harry his coffee and sips his own settling beside Liam.

“I should head back. Call me if you need me, I am staying in London. I'll be back again.” Liam says standing up.

“Thanks, Liam.” Louis stands to hugs him. They whisper something to each other, Harry hears the name  _ Zayn _ and Louis huff in reply. 

“Harry, I hope I'll be seeing you again?” Liam questions.

“Likewise,” Harry nods.

When it's finally only them they opt to sip their drinks than talk. It's not as comfortable as before after both their outburst this evening. 

“Sorry about earlier, I was being a dick,” Harry says quietly. He wants to wring his hands but he just grips the thermos tighter 

“Yeah you were but so was I. I just--” Louis sighs, “I don't have time for drama right now, Harry.”

It stings but Harry lets it go. He doesn't want to talk about them anymore. 

“I don't want that either, I just want to be here,” Harry says setting his cup on the seat between him and Louis, one which Liam vacated.

“Why?” Louis turns toward Louis. Harry can tell Louis wants something but it's been a long day and Harry doesn't have anything to offer so he stays quiet.

“I'll check on Mom and then we can leave. I'll come back early tomorrow. I just...I don't want to leave her here alone you know.”

“Yeah.”

“I am afraid she'll refuse treatment. I know she doesn't have much time and she's going to die eventually no matter what we do but I still need more time. She's in so much pain but I need her to live just a little longer.”

“I know,” Harry's endless supply of tears start to fight their way out.

“If she refuses treatment she'll be gone sooner and I don't want that. Is that selfish? That she's in pain and I still wish it upon her just so I could have her a little bit longer?” Louis asks his voice cracking. Harry looks ahead, if he looks at Louis right now he'll break all over again. The plan is to be there for Louis not be a weak bitch. He still brushes a god forsaken tear away with the back of his hand. 

“It's not selfish, Louis. Maybe it is but it's justified. It's okay to a little bit selfish once in a while. It's okay to be selfish about this” But being selfish enough to  _ use _ Harry doesn't fall under that category. 

“But how much time is even 'a bit longer’? Will it ever be enough?”

_ No  _ “I don't know, Louis.”

A nurse walks past them and disappears down the hall. They both sit quietly, breathing in and out.

“Tell me I'll be alright. And mean it.” Louis asks.

“You'll be alright,” Harry says and he means it.

“My sisters will grow up fine. I'll be a good brother to them. Tell me,” Louis urges.

“You  _ are  _ a good brother. And your sisters will grow up to be someone your Mom will be proud of.” Harry wants to reach out and hug Louis. It's confusing how he hates Louis but wants to comfort him too. He can't bear the thought of Louis being this down.

“My Mom will be all right too. Right?”

_ No Louis, she's going to die. There's nothing “alright” about that. _ “Sure, she's going to heaven you know.”

“I know,” Louis says firmly and stands up.

“Good.”

Louis takes a deep breath and stands rubbing his palms together.

“Thank you, Harry. I'll go check on Mom. Just…Thank you,” Louis places a hand on his shoulder and Harry looks up with wide wet eyes.

Louis reaches out to wipe the side of his left eye where it's still quite wet. Harry shivers and Louis’ fingers leave just as it made contact. 

Harry is left alone in the hallway, with a heavy heart. There's morphine in hospital right? He'd like some right about now. 

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

_ They burn with desire _

_ With love and emotion _ __   
_ They dance with devotion _ __   
_ Tighter than before _ __   
_ They still want something more _ __   
_ The heat dries out the skin _ __   
_ As their patience grows thinner _ __   
_ Thinner than before _ __   
_ Cause they want even more _ _   
_ __ Cause they share in this fire

**_Devotion - Tristam_ **

 

“You talk in your sleep, you know that?” Louis asked running his index finger down Harry's body, from his temple to his arms and down his hands to his fingers. Then he starts the process again, softly grazing Harry's tan skin and leaving goosebumps behind. 

They were both lying on their sides in the bed, facing each other in their room while the rest were outside, out on the beach. 

Louis’ family and Harry's family had decided to vacation together this summer as a bonding experience. It had been Jo's idea to bring both the families together for a little getaway. 

Louis had suggested his own house in the Bahamas, but Harry had vetoed the idea quickly. Louis had been adamant about paying for every meal they had at restaurants, stubborn about buying the grocery even though Harry was the one who ended up eating everything whenever he came over. Harry hadn't been comfortable with that arrangement. Don't couples share everything, even expenses? Harry understands that they're both wealthy and have more than they need, he understands Louis’ account won't suffer a dent if he paid for a few meals, but letting Louis pay for everything made him feel lonely. When he'd told Louis this he had looked at him calculatingly for a few moments, then suggested they take turns paying. 

They had both decided Jamaica the ideal place for their summer vacation and their families had agreed with excitement. So they had rented out a beautiful villa by a beach in Negril, big enough for all of them. The place had swimming pools both indoor and out and bungalow came with house keepers and caterers to assist them throughout their stay. 

They had arrived here a few nights ago with high spirits, it had been amazing and relaxing ever since the first night. This is a beautiful place and they have yet to venture outside it's confines.

Harry and Louis steal a little time for themselves whenever the families go out for a swim or exploring. They've been holed up in their room having copious amount of sex most of the time. Like right now when they were both basking in the after orgasm glow. 

Harry shoved Louis a little, “Shut up. I do not talk in my sleep!”

“You do actually,” Louis grinned, “Aaah the things you say.” 

Harry observed at him for a while, he couldn't really tell if Louis was just pulling his leg or telling the truth, not while he's smiling so smugly. Harry narrowed his eyes and decided Louis was lying.

Harry shook his head, “No, I don't.” 

“You also snore.” Louis said moving closer and squishing half of his face on the fluffy pillow. It's a sight to behold, Harry swoons on the inside knowing Louis would push him off the bed if he told him how adorable he looked right now.

“I said 'You also snore’,” Louis repeats to rile him up. 

Harry rises a little on his side, bends his elbow and places his head on his palm so he's looking down at Louis, “Is that so?”

“It is so, but I enjoy it. It's a cute sound. It goes something like 'whooosh and haaaaash then whooosh and-”

Harry closes Louis mouth with his lips and laughs into the kiss.  _ This silly man. _ Louis wraps his legs around Harry's and pulls him closer to deepen the kiss. Harry pulls back immediately, “We're not going at it again. They'll be back soon,” he says gesturing at the French doors leading to the balcony. 

Louis groans and let's him go, because Harry id right, their families been gone too long and they might return any moment. They both lie on their backs and watch the ceiling. As much as they love their families really hitting it off, they can't deny it's costing them their precious sexy time before they're both busy.

“You do talk in your sleep sometimes,” Louis says softly, not disturbing the ambience. It was after five in the evening and the light filtering through the tiny slivers of gaps between the thick drapes is dull. 

Harry turns his head to look at Louis, it's the same face he's been dating for months but it still leaves him breathless. 

“What do I say?” Harry asks fully turning to his side and sliding both his hands under his head. 

“You say the craziest shit that I can't quite put together, you sometimes answer my questions, sometimes you even sit up suddenly say incoherent nonsense and go back to sleep,” Louis smiles fondly at him.

Harry chuckles, “I didn't know that. No one's ever told me I snore or talk in my sleep.”

“You snore really softly,” Louis shrugs.

“I probably am just breathing.”

“Probably,” Louis shrugs again. Harry shoves him and gets out of bed. They need to get ready for dinner, Anne had been trying to get both the families to have dinner together. But so far it had been unsuccessful because they had all been busy with unpacking and some were tired and gone to bed early. Today she had informed everything at breakfast, so there's no getting out of it.

Jolene and Anne had become really close friends since the first day they met at Harry's house. Gemma and Lottie bonded over girls stuff and were both sporting pink hair in different shades. 

His mother, an ailurophile, was in love with the little twins, she had been spending all her time playing with them and sending Gemma meaningful glances.

Harry kisses Louis on the head and heads to the ensuite bathroom to freshen up but on his way there he manages trip on the blanket they had thrown on the floor earlier. He tries to get hold of anything that would keep him upright but ends up ripping the lamp off the wall and falls on his ass. 

Louis rolls over in the bed and cranes his head from the edge, “You doing okay down there?” he asks with amusement lacing his words

Harry frees himself from the tangled up blanket with dignity and gives Louis the middle finger and closes the bathroom door.

When he exits the bathroom he finds the room devoid of Louis and all the curtains and french doors open. He digs around in his suitcase looking for something to wear for dinner and pulls on a thin shirt that screams holiday and Khaki shorts. 

He checks himself out in the mirror by the couch and fixes his wet hair all the while wondering where Louis had gone. He decides to shut the doors before he leaves but stops short when he catches Louis standing in the balcony. His back is to Harry but if Harry moves a little to the right he can see Louis’ cheekbone. He's silhouetted by the sun setting in the background, the sky in yellows and oranges and mauves. Harry silently retreats to retrieve his camera from his bag to capture the moment. 

Looking through the lens the moment seem magical and unprecedented. He inhales and clicks. Louis, wearing a bath robe turns at the sound, and it's just so perfect Harry wants to shrivel up and die.

It's the same turn, the sideway turn, body thirty degrees turned towards him and head turned a full sixty and his eyes, those eyes always found Harry. Sometimes he'd smile a private smile reserved just for Harry. It has become a thing, Louis knows this makes Harry lightheaded and drives him crazy. 

There is very little light outside now, and they seem to be plenty enough to illuminate the quirk in Louis’ lips and Harry clicks again. 

Louis waves him over laughing, Harry clicks one last picture, places the camera by the door and joins Louis in the balcony. Louis takes his hand in his and they stand side by side and watch the sea. 

The sea reflecting the colors in the sky, it is glinting and the soft breeze carries it's salty smell to them. 

Louis steps behind him and places his hands on the balcony railing, caging Harry between him and the  railing. He presses his nose to the back of Harry's neck and tries to look over his shoulders. 

Harry huffs and pulls Louis to his front and cages him instead. Short people should know their place. 

“But I want to hold you from behind,” Louis pulls back, “like in the movies!”

“Then ask for a few more inches from Santa this Christmas. For now enjoy this sick view. It probably looks completely different from down there.”

“You know what fuck you, I'm going back inside,” Louis elbows Harry in the stomach and tries to escape Harry's hold, “And by the way, I am the view,” Louis says as a matter of fact and Harry groans.

“Okay okay please stop squirming! Gosh! Look Louis, there goes a Dodo bird!” Harry points at a seagull.

“Rude  _ and _ insensitive. What's next? You voted for Trump?”

Harry laughs, “Don't be gross,” he mumbles into Louis’ neck. 

The past months had been nothing short of glorious. Their relationship was thriving. His single had done great and the album was doing good in the charts, he's touring in a few months and Louis will be dropping his own single then. 

They've both braved a walk in public once in LA with hoodies and no one had noticed. It had been a thrilling experience. Louis had wanted to wait a bit longer to make their relationship public, Harry had been impatient but he hadn't disagreed with Louis. In the end, Louis had spontaneously decided they were going public that day and texted Harry when he was having coffee with a friend. 

Harry had excused himself and ran to the restroom and phoned Louis and asked breathlessly, “Are you serious?” 

Louis had laughed, “Where are you? I can pick you up.”

“Are you serious? Because I'm in a popular spot. There's always paparazzis around here.”

“That's actually perfect. Let's just get this over with.”

“Don't you want to talk about this more?” he had asked unable to keep the excitement out of his voice.

“It's all we've spoken about for the last few weeks. And I want to do this in England.”

“Okay,” he had answered biting his lips.

“Okay? You sure?”

“Yeah, I am sure.”

Louis had laughed delighted, “Let's give our managers brain aneurysm.”

So they had. Harry had returned to the table glowing and thirty minutes later Louis had texted him to come outside and there Louis had been looking perfect in in skinny jeans, white T-shirt and a brown jacket. 

Harry had been wearing something similar but a peacoat on top because it got colder in the evening. It had been raining all week and the environment had been very cold. Harry had even carried a pair of gloves.

Louis had come with his bodyguard, Harker. Harker was standing back, a little away from them, giving them a wide berth.

Louis pulled him into a hug uncertainly. Harry had known that had to be nerve-racking for Louis. It was his first time out with a  _ boyfriend _ .

“You all right?” Harry had asked.

“Just nervous.” Louis had said exhaling slowly.

“Hey we don't have to do this right now. No one has spotted us yet, we can do this--”

Louis had shut him up with a quick kiss and pulled back immediately, “Too late. I saw a guy tailing me,” Louis squeezed him when Harry had tried to find the guy, “And I  _ am _ ready.”

Harry's heart had been beating a loud steady rhythm. He had looked at Louis for a long moment, looking for any sign of hesitance or doubt and then nodded, taking Louis’ hand into his.

They both had immediately pulled back and rushed to apologise just as fast.

“No! It's not because--” Harry had protested just as Louis had said, “Fuck! Sorry! Cold!”

“Yeah it is, Louis. That's why I pulled back---”

“I am ready but you're hands are so col--”

They had both stopped rambling when they heard Harker snorting at them and they had both blushed.

“Wait a sec,” Harry had halted Louis to dig around his coat for the pair of gloves he brought with him. When he found them he had offered them to Louis who took one and slipped his left hand into it and took the other one and gave it to Harry.

“Put it on,” Louis had nodded, “Your right hand.”

Harry looked at him puzzled but put the woolen glove on his right hand like he was instructed.

They had resumed walking with one gloved hand each, and with Louis on his left side.

Louis had reached for his left hand and when Harry took Louis’ right hand into his, he had intertwined their fingers together and Louis put them inside his the kangaroo pocket in his jacket. Harry had turned to Louis just as Louis had turned to him, they had both grinned at each other. Harry was sure he had been a little bit of in love with Louis that moment.

They had been spotted and heard cameras clicking away in fast succession. They had both walked to Louis’ car, got in and drove off. Those had been the moments that had been captured and the internet had lost their shit. 

Louis had let out a deep breath and kissed him inside the car. Again and again until they were back home and tearing at each other's clothes while the world outside was momentarily losing all sense and reason. 

Fans were crying, gay fans were melodramatically dying, the media had published article after article without even spell checking properly. Every celebrity news outlet had spoken about only that for a few days, playing the video clip of them handing each other gloves, pictures of Louis and Harry holding hands, Louis putting their hands into his jacket pockets on repeat.

Harry had to admit, those pictures had been just perfect. He had never thought their first sighting pictures would be that cute. Louis had downloaded a photo of them grinning at each other and made it his lockscreen wallpaper and for the next few weeks whenever he had a bad day he had reminded himself of Louis Tomlinson's lockscreen. 

And here they were, on a holiday with both their familie, like actual real life serious couples. Harry still can't believe it's actually his life.

Harry hugged Louis from behind and spoke into his hair smiling, “To think I agreed to go on a date with you after you literally sent me bunch of  _ your _ merch as gift. I was really dumb huh?” he nudges Louis.

Louis groaned and shrugged, “Okay, i admit that was a dumbass move but I hear dumbassery attracts dumbasses. Worked like a charm.”

They both laughed.

Louis turned to face Harry, leaning against the railing he reached out to hold Harry's face in his palms and watched him, his eyes mapping Harry's face slowly. Harry grinned, his heart full.

“You know why I love your eyes?” Harry asked, Louis shook his head and massaged Harry's temples with his thumbs. “The first time I saw your eyes I thought they were grey, but the lights were purple and I swear my drunk ass thought maybe they were purple. Then I thought they were brown. Don't laugh but they appeared amber at Nick's party even though I knew they were blue thanks to internet stalking”

Louis chuckled and Harry continued, “Sometimes they are this electric blue, sometimes they're so pale it feels chilly. And right now they hold all the colors of sunset,” Louis was smiling serenely and looking at him with glossy eyes and Harry's heart clenched, “They are the most beautiful pair I've ever laid eyes on.”

Louis blushed and said, “Gosh Harry write a song.” He brought his fingers to Harry's lips and Harry kissed them.

“Well, your eyes are always green, sometimes hazel green and sometimes this grayish green. And what I love about them the most is they're never cold. I don't think they can look cold even if you tried. They're the warmest green in the world.”

“Yeah?” Harry whispered.

“Yup,” Louis said kissing his nose, “warm enough to melt my brain from the start which explains the stupid gift box,” he placed a hand on Harry's heart, “And now my poor heart,” he said looking up at Harry meaningfully.

Before Harry could reply Fizzy yelled for them from the ground floor. They both pulled back and looked over, she was by the swimming pool.

“I've been knocking on your door for fifteen minutes!” she yelled, “Dinner’s ready. Will you two hurry up?”

“Oh crap!” Harry ran back inside.

“Sorry! sorry! We'll be there in five minutes!” Louis yelled and followed him inside.

“We were having a moment for Christ's sake,” Louis grumbles digging around in his luggage. Harry smirks at him as Louis runs into the bathroom with a change of clothes and yells Harry to join the family and he'll be there soon. 

Harry doesn’t blow dry his hair, he pulls his wet hair into a bun and secures it with a band. 

He closes the French doors and picks up the camera from the floor and looks at the pictures he took earlier.

He's definitely getting them printed.

__________

 

Louis arrived fifteen minutes after everyone had managed to gather around the table, they were laughing and talking.

“I'm sorry I'm late,” Louis apologised before sliding into the chair next to Harry's. 

“Are you though?” Fizzy asks raising an eyebrow.

“I'm not sure I understand what you mean,” Louis answers without meeting Fizzy's eyes, fussing over his plate and silverware.

“Seriously? The balcony?” Fizzy smirks. 

Harry chokes on the glass of water he was drinking, he apologizes sputtering and coughing into the napkin that was folded to look like a swan. Louis pats his back frowning at Fizzy.

“We were watching the sunset,” Harry answers, taking deep breaths to bring his breathing back to normal. 

“Yeah,” Louis agrees, “The view was beautiful from our room. A luxury that came with the master bedroom.” 

“I thought you were the view,” Harry murmurs.

“Exactly!” Louis grins. 

Fizzy groans, “I swear--”

“If you're finished,” Jo interrupts, “We'd like to get on with the dinner. Not all of us were tardy, some of us arrived on time and have been waiting for a while now. And the twins are sleeping right now but won't be for long.” she warns.

“I'm sorry, everyone. Again.” Louis apologies again, clearing his throat he says, “I’m really glad we came on this trip, I feel we've grown so much closer than we did before. We are grateful everyone took time off of their lives to joins us,” Louis nods at Harry smiling, “And Anne, for arranging this dinner for us to enjoy as a family. Together.” he squeezes Harry's hand that rests on his lap.

“Oh Louis, it was no big deal. It's been wonderful, this place. Thank you for having us,” Anne smiles at Harry and Louis.

Harry smiles back, “Thank you for being here, it's means so much to us you all agreed to this.”

“It's a all expenses paid holiday, heck yes I agreed.” Gemma exclaims. Lottie cheers in agreement.

“Can we have the Thanksgiving moment after dinner, I've been conversing with the growling in my stomach for the past hour, it's telling me to stab my brother with fork” Fizzy threatens holding a folk like a dagger. 

“Be civil!” Jo admonishes. Just then the kitchen staff bring them their first course of meal, they all sit back and breathe in the smell wafting in.

The dining table could seat ten people and the nine of them are occupied. Fizzy sits at the head of the table, having claimed it before anyone else. Jo and Dan sit on her right side next to them Robin and Anne. Harry and Louis are sat on Fizzy's left and next to them Gemma and Lottie. The other head table is left unoccupied, if Michael was here it would have been filled.

The two set of twins had gone to bed after a early dinner, grumbling about not being invited to the dinner happening downstairs. Anne had invited them but Jo had insisted this dinner be adults only. 

Why Fizzy was allowed to come, Harry doesn't know. She's a child too, though no one would say so, she's mature than Lottie is sometimes. 

Fizzy had been a little cold to him initially, but eventually Harry had been able to charm his way in. It had been easy because Fizzy stayed with Louis most of the days and the only Tomlinson besides Louis he saw more of. This one time he'd found her in the living room in Louis’ house sniffing into the sleeve of her hoodie, and when Harry offered to listen to her, she had opened up about her issues with weight and stress from school. Harry had listened silently and then after she finished, he made her laugh with his stupid jokes. But he had advised her, shared with her his insecurities and how he came to love himself. 

That moment had helped them become closer, which delighted Louis immensely. The trio hung out together a lot, but to Harry's dismay Fizzy wasn't a big fan of Romcoms much like her brother, which proved to be an issue they still haven't sorted out during movie nights. 

They only ever fought over movies and Louis’ clothes, which they both liked to borrow. Well, Harry borrowed but Fizzy straight up stole. Harry wore Louis’ hoodies sometimes because of sentiment and for comfort, Fizzy took them because she and Louis shared the same style.

All the women except Fizzy were wearing maxi dresses, Fizzy had on a brown jumpsuit. The maxi dresses were a gift from Harry to everyone. Dan and Robin we're wearing a Polo shirt and shorts. Louis had on a black polo too but he looked far better than the senior citizens, and his shirt was hugging his curves in all the right places. Harry musses Louis’ hair fondly, he seemed to have blow dried it. Harry's were still wet.

Lottie and Harry had bonded over face masks and hair treatment. Lottie had ambushed him with two packs of face masks one Saturday morning and they had exfoliated, cleansed and scrubbed their faces together. Lottie had told him about her business ventures and her ultimate goal in life.

Daisy and Phoebe were too small for him to relate to but he had signed albums for their friends once, so they were in friendly terms. The baby twins adored him, he swears they respond to his voice. He sings to them sometimes.

Jo had been easy to crack too, Harry just praised her son, which made her beam with pride every time. They have had many conversations outside of Louis too, they spoke about politics and her family, he mostly silently listened.

Dan was awkward around him but he was civil and polite whenever they had spoken. They mainly spoke about football or the weather. He's probably weird about not having anything common or uncomfortable with having a conversation with a queer guy. That's the vibe Harry got anyway. But Robin and Dan got along just fine.

Hanging out with Louis’ family has become one of his favorite way to pass time, but they seldom met. 

Lottie tells them all about her new boyfriend, Tommy who Louis doesn't approve of. Lottie insists he'd like him if he only gave him a chance. Louis pretends he's deaf and mmms and aaahs the meal that is served.  Harry nudges him with his elbow which jostles Louis and he drops his spoon on his shirt. They all laugh when Harry and Louis exclaim “Fuckdge” at the same time.

Fizzy makes up a whole story to appear interesting, they all know she doesn't leave the house unless it's absolutely necessary. They all nod and smile, but Louis doesn't let it go. He keeps asking questions here and there to fill the plot holes in her story making her turn red. Lottie eggs him on. It proves very hard to hold all their laughter when Fizzy threatens bodily harm to Louis and Lottie. 

Robin tells him about the birds he used to watch when he lived in India briefly in his late twenties. His favorite were cuckoo birds. They don't like other birds nesting in their nests. 

Harry and Louis don't say much, everyone pretty much know what they had been up to, it's on the internet. They had bought a new couch, which was one of their first real purchase together. Niall had taken one look at that and said, “Why are all the things you buy so massive, Tomlinson?”

“To compensate to the tiny dick I have.” Louis had answered flicking through channels on the television.

Harry had frowned, that wasn't right. “You don't have a tiny dick,” he had said seriously.

Niall had started laughing uncontrollably and choking on the chips he had been eating, Harry had feared he would have to call an ambulance. Louis had been grinning at the laughing form of Niall on the floor without care.

Dan talks about his firm and some mundane case far longer than anyone cared to listen. But they all smiled politely wishing he'd stopped already. Then Jolene spoke a little about the Charity organization she had started with Louis few years ago. Anne shared her experience with rescue animals and the pound. By dessert they were all talking more than they were eating, the conversation came easily than it did a few months ago.

The staff cleared the table and brought them all tea and coffee in the living room. Gemma and Louis seem to be having an argument. Harry escapes from Dan's story about a woman's perjury case, leaving him with Robin he joins Lottie and Fizzy and talk about personal trainers and workout regimens. Fizzy tells him that before Harry and Louis started dating the only equipment in Louis’ gym was a treadmill, now it's fully equipped with all the basic stuff. Which Harry didn't know that was the case and makes a note to ask Louis about it, he expects a bullshit answer.

Jolene and Anne seems to be laughing about something every few minutes. Their laughter carries a lovely ambience and fills the room with ease. 

Harry looks all around him feeling warm all over, his head is pounding but there's no place he'd rather be. He believes he'd found another family outside of him own. He catches Louis’ eyes across the room and they smile, communicating everything they're thinking through their gaze. He thinks he understands how falling in love feels like. 

_____________

The breakfast is served in the small building connected to the pool house and the villa. It's an absolutely stunning rectangular establishment with a brick wall and two glass walls at either side and another facing the garden. The landscaping is tasteful and breathtaking at dawn, and now with the late morning light streaming through canopy of leaves, it's seems something out of fantasy. Anne simply hasn't been anywhere more beautiful than this villa. Everything has been perfect since they arrived, the caterers and the workers Louis had hired for the week were very friendly. The villa accommodated both their families comfortably, and was baby proofed on notice, the hired help even handled the kids so Jo was having a relaxing time. 

The dinner they had last night had been in the dining room in the main house, candle lit and gloomy. The breakfast is to be taken with the nature, breathing in the fresh air and basking in all the vitamin D, as Agwe, the head of staff assisting their stay had insisted. 

There's a long buffet table laden with too much food, fruits, pastries and variety of local food. And four other smaller tables spread across the room where Gemma, Lottie, Fizzy, Phoebe and Daisy and Louis’ friend, Oli were having breakfast. It's hot outside but the air conditioning keeps the room cool. Agwe's face had shown disapproval when they chose air conditioning over fresh air. It's too cold but Anne doesn't say anything, not wanting to get on anybody's toes.

Anne met Louis with the twins on her way to have some breakfast and he had said he was letting Harry sleep in a little while longer because he was feeling poorly. Jo had already ate and was leaving to feed Ernie and Doris by the time Anne. Anne took the liberty to sleep in after going to bed late last night. 

Robin had left early to the little aviary in the villa early in the morning to watch the birds, he had left her a note informing her that. She'd never understand his fascination with birds, but his sketches of them were beautiful. 

Anne had already had her meal by the time Harry arrives looking tired, he takes a seat beside her and groans.

"Honey, are you alright? You look pale," she frowns at Harry's slumped form.

“That's why we are here Mom, to get a tan,” Harry jokes in a nasal voice.

Anne clucks her tongue, finding no humor in his smartass remark. He looks up, tired and wary, "I think I have a cold. I've been sleeping with wet hair after shower since we arrived here and the AC in the room wasn't helping either."

“You fight over thermostat back at home?” Anne asks and Harry raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“You and Louis,” she clarifies.

“We don't? What's there to fight about?” he asks confused.

Anne shakes her head and reaches out to touch Harry's forehead, it's a bit too warm and his nose is red. 

“You've been sneezing?”

“Not much, but my head's killing me.”

"Take some ibuprofen and sleep in. It'd do you some good. You've been exerting your body too much, jt's your body's way of fighting back. Nothing a chicken noodle soup won't fix. I bet they have it here. I can a---"

Harry refuses quickly, before she offers to bring him a bowl. Harry hates chicken noodle soup, he's hated it ever since he had chicken pox when he was five and had to eat only that three times a day for weeks. "It's alright mom, I'll go to bed after breakfast. Where's Louis?" he asks.

“Probably with Jo.”

“Oh yeah, he had to send someone to buy the brand of baby cereal the twins eat. They're refusing to eat anything else.”

“Honey, let it go,” Anne admonishes when she sees Harry trying to suppress a sneeze, looking comical while doing it.

“What's the crazy face for?” Louis asks smiling as he slides in the seat beside Harry. He touches Harry's forehead and his smiles slips away.

"You're burning up love, you need rest." Louis says worried. 

He wasn't burning up when Anne checked and she rolls her eyes. Louis was a dramatic worrier.

"I was hungry, Lou. It's alright, I'll have some pills and rest a bit after breakfast" Harry says squeezing Louis' hand on the table.

"I'll go get some soup for you, the kitchen might have it. I'll be--" Louis starts to turn around to leave but Harry doesn't let his grip loosen.

"It's alright, Lou. I'm craving proper breakfast and everything looks delicious from here. I'm up for a full breakfast. Are those pancakes?" Harry says moving to get himself a plate. 

Louis tugs at Harry's arm, making him stop. “Sit, I'll bring you some food. "You want anything Anne?" Louis asks Anne. 

“Oh you noticed me?” Anne jokes.

“ Oh I'm sorry, Good morning Anne!” Louis adds quickly.

Anne laughs, “You already greeted me, Louis.” She stands up to put away her plate and shoos Louis when he tries to get her plate, “And no I'll get myself some coffee. You get him those cold pancakes” she gestures towards Harry.

 

Louis fills a plate with pancakes, blueberries and bananas pieces and another plate with butter and Maple syrup. Anne doesn't miss the way Louis gave Harry two options to choose from, he knows the two ways Harry likes to have his pancakes. Very healthy  or too sugary. 

Louis takes them to Harry and tugs at his curls after setting the plates down.They smile at each other and Louis goes back again to fill another plate with eggs, bacons and some toasts and a glass with mango juice.

Anne leaves Harry on his own and takes the table beside his with her coffee, to give them both some privacy.

They eat, while Anne sips her coffee observing them both. Louis constantly keeps mothering her son and Harry doesn't seem to mind.  Anne decides she'd never get tired of watching them together like this.

Louis says something that makes Harry burst out laughing suddenly, startling everyone. Louis shakes his head fondly and clears the table while Harry continues to shake with laughter. Anne wonders if her laugh is that boisterous.

He kisses the tip of Harry's nose when he returns, and leaves the room whispering something in his ears. Harry shakes his head smiling, his face splitting into two. Louis comes back with pills and a glass of water and Anne and Harry preen simultaneously. She catches Harry's eyes and winks, kudos to her son because Louis is whipped.

Gemma walks over to them to say something to which Louis responds by getting up immediately.

"Sit your ass down, Tomlinson. I can find it myself, just wanted to let you know." Gemma scolds shaking her head before making her way towards Anne and slumping in the seat across without grace. Gemma is wearing a mustard maxi dress, hair slightly wet and hanging in waves and her face  bare and tanned, she looks youthful.

"He's starting to annoy me, mom." Gemma groans, she quickly adds "In a good way" when she sees Anne frown. 

"I get why Harry likes him so much. He's always liked to be treated like a princess." Gemma says and Anne chuckles. 

"What did you ask Louis?" Anne asks Gemma.

"Location of the gym, I want to hit it before a swim.  He decided to show me to the place and if I had let him, he'd offer to do the workout for me too,” she answers rolling her eyes.

They both swivel their heads towards the couple when Harry cackles loudly again, Louis is telling Harry a story with lots of hand gestures and he's laughing as well. 

"I bet it's not even that funny" Gemma huffs reaching for a biscuit.

Lottie and the others call out to Gemma when they leave and she tells them she'll join them later. Fizzy waves and smiles at Anne before walking out. All Jo's kids are beautiful, Anne smiles fondly.

Louis takes off to talk to Oli and Harry walks over to and takes a seat at Anne's table. Gemma steals the cup from Harry's hand and he snatches the biscuit from her hand. He shoves Gemma when she tries to pry it back. Gemma licks his face and Anne laughs at her children for being so childish. 

"What are you guys up to today?" Harry asks them rubbing his palms together and blowing on them to make them warmer.

"Gym, swim, nap and maybe clubbing tonight. What are you two up to?” she asks.

“Don't know. I'm not feeling good.”

“Oh?”

“Cold.”

“Your voice, is your nose stuffy?”

“Yep. It's cold in here, isn't it?”

“England is colder, Harry. Its the air conditioning inside, It’s hot as hell outside,” Anne answers.

Harry nods, “Yeah, Louis went to get me a sweater.” 

Louis returns with a plush robe just then as the staffs are clearing the tables. Anne and Gemma gape at Louis and Harry as he pulls on the robe thanking Louis. Harry's going straight to bed anyway, the sweater is so unnecessary Gemma shakes her head.

They chat for a while, Louis tells them to take Oli with them if they want to to go anywhere since Oli knows the language here and can help them. Gemma gossips about people back home and what they have posted in their social medias. Then she takes pictures of Anne, one of Harry and Louis and a selfie with them all in the frame. Louis talks to Anne while Gemma and Harry pore over something in her phone.  They all polish off the plate of biscuits together. Harry sneezes suddenly making Gemma shriek and she pulls a few tissues and furiously wipes her phone.

“You can sell my snot online you know,” he smirks dabbing his nose with a tissue, “And by the way, bless myself.”

Gemma grimaces, “It's probably illegal to sell life threatening germs.”

Louis nudges Harry, “You alright?”

Harry shakes his head, making the face people make when they are about to sneeze. Anne and Louis laugh at his comical expression. The sneeze seemed to have passed without success. Louis stands up and tugs at Harry's robe, “Come on, you need rest.”

“And vitamin C, get him some orange juice,” Anne says.

Harry stretches his arms without getting up, “See you guys later. I'm going to sleep for a few hours,” he says rubbing his nose again. 

Louis squeezes Harry's shoulders gently oblivious to Gemma's jealous gaze and Anne's loving one. “You can ask Agwe for a driver if you want to go anywhere. You can visit some places in the brochures,” Louis suggests.

“I suppose we should probably do something touristy. It's a beautiful country,” Gemma answers nodding.

Louis leans down and hugs the sitting Harry from behind. “There's a ferry too. Javel would show you around the island if you want, Fizzy wanted a tour. It's amazing, this place.” 

Harry nods, “Yeah the last time I was here, it was with Jeff and Rick. We were recording the album, so I didn't get to go anywhere.”

Louis kisses Harry's temple, “You're not going this time either. You're sick and in need of rest.”

“I'll be okay by lunch, Louis.”

“I don't think so. Don't make me drag you to the hospital.”

Harry scoffs, “For a cold?”

“It could get worse.”

“Please,” Harry scoffs again.

“It's not up for--”

“Can you two please stop?” Gemma interrupts. They both look at her and blink. Gemma rolls her eyes, “Just get out of here, please.”

Anne laughs, “Don't be rude.”

Harry sneezes again making Gemma lean away further, she's practically on Anne's lap.

“It  _ is _ getting worse,” Louis starts, “You need medical--”

“... And we're out,” Harry stands up, “See you later, Mom. Bye Gems.”

Harry pulls Louis away while he shouts goodbye to them. Anne's eyes glisten, they truly are perfect for each other.

"Mom, I need a Louis ASAP!" Gemma whisper shouts as soon as Louis and Harry are out the door. Anne just laughs blinking away happy tears.

“They really are amazing, aren't they?” Anne smiles, her heart full.

"No mom really, what am I doing wrong? That frog face did some kind of voodoo hipster shi--stuff. No way there is someone who willingly treats Harry like this.  _ Our Harry! _ ” Gemma whines.

"Gemma! Your brother is the best person I know and I raised him. Louis knows Harry's worth and he's treating him just right." Anne says to which Gemma just snorts.

“Michael is a good guy too.”

“I know.”

“You miss him.”

“Yeah, I do,” Gemma admits sadly, “he has work till next week.  _ In summer _ !” she shakes her head.

“I'm sorry baby. But he'll join us for the last week here. Plenty of time to enjoy yourselves.”

“I suppose…”

Alvita, the woman who helps Jo look after the kids approaches them as Gemma and Anne get up to leave.

“Miss Gemma?” she asks with a heavy accent, “I take you to gym. Now?”

Anne laughs and Gemma throws her hands in a giveing up gesture. "I give up mom! Killing Harry and stealing his boyfriend is the only way to go. Help me if you are good mother." 

“Thank you Alvita but I know where it is. I'll get there by myself,” Gemma tells her. Alvita smiles are leaves them alone again.

“Do you think they'll get married?” Anne asks.

“Did you see the inhaler thi--?”

“Yep,” her mother answers before she finishes her questions.

Yesterday when they were all out at the beach, Harry had gone for a swim then chased the kids around in the beach, then he'd come to sit beside Gemma who had been lounging on a chaise lounge, sunbathing. He'd been a little breathless, his lungs acting up. Then Louis had approached them and handed Harry a zip lock bag with his inhaler inside, and turned around towards the kids again. 

“I haven't been taking the meds for wheezing,” Harry had told Gemma as an explanation.

“Of course,” Gemma had nodded closing her mouth.

Anne turns to Gemma now, “Well you've been dating Mike for a while…”

“Let me stop you right there,” Gemma holds up a hand, palm outward, “I am not ready and I don't think Michael is either. Please don't bring it up front of him, Mom. Please?”

Anne smiles, “Okay, I won't outright ask him anything”

“Mom!”

Anne laughs. 

“Well I guess I know what it takes to decide to marry Mike,” Gemma tells Anne after a while.

“Oh don't be like that, sweetie. You and Harry are different people, you don't like to be coddled, you don't let anyone take care of you. Don't compare your relationship with others,” Anne advises.

“I know, I know,” Gemma sighs, “Guess I just miss having Mike around.”

“Do I hear wedding bells?” Anne tease.

Gemma groans.

 


End file.
